Officer who shot crazed chimp gives first interview

You know, I can't help but think I won't be that sad then the bear eats those people.

Does that make me a bad person?

 

Does it shit in the woods? Geez.

On a related note, I once knew a guy who was killed by a bear. Not well, but I had met and talked to him a couple of different years at a company conference in Las Vegas. A couple of years ago I saw his (oddly spelled) name in a man-killed-by-bear story and, sure enough, my old boss told me that this guy had been a bear trainer in his spare time and was indeed the guy that got killed. Go figure.

 

I understand that animal rights wingnuts want to protect animals, but in this case, the chimp had no animal rights to support him.

Any animal attacks, got lead's going in his ass. No questions asked.

The people who were whining about this don't understand the rules of the wild.

Fuck with the animals, and you die.

 

Maybe he wanted some head, didn't get it, and took some face instead.

 

Unfortunately, I don't think most cops are equipped to take down a 550-pound bear.

They may be in Montana though.

 

I suspect the Chimp was on steroids. He was in the entertainment industry.

 

What a fucking moron.

B.J. & The Bear was not about a man and a bear, you simpleton, it was about a man and his chimp. Look, I have pictures to prove it.



Moral of the story: living with bears ... bad. Living with chimps? Go-

No wait. They're ravenously dangerous as fuck too. Just forget everything I just wrote.

 

Every day, I'm torn between finding you hilarious and frightening.

 

I'm picturing Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall, doing battle with a bear. Oh, Tristan.

 

I don't fuck chimps, so I'm not that frightening. I just conjure up scenarios where other people fuck chimps. Everybody does it.

 

Just keep telling yourself that.

 

Certainly, if all cops were like Tristan, the world would be a better place.