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Best clean jokes

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by hondo, Nov 20, 2011.

Page 1 of 5
  1. hondo

    hondo Well-Known Member

    Here's the rules: no profanity, no crudity. Keep them short. Here's the first offering:

    Grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says, "What a coincidence. We have a drink named after you." Grasshopper says, "You gotta a drink named Bob?"
     
    hondo, Nov 20, 2011
    #1
  2. novelist_wannabe

    novelist_wannabe Well-Known Member

    Knock, knock
    who's there?
    Impatient cow
    Impatien--
    MOOOO!
     
    novelist_wannabe, Nov 20, 2011
    #2
  3. imjustagirl

    imjustagirl Active Member

    I don't know any clean jokes.
     
    imjustagirl, Nov 20, 2011
    #3
  4. Mystery Meat II

    Mystery Meat II Well-Known Member

    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
    *BEEP*

    "That's a heck of an act. What do you call it?"

    "The Aristocrats!"
     
    Mystery Meat II, Nov 20, 2011
    #4
  5. Kato

    Kato Well-Known Member

    Guy walks into a library and says, "Can I get a cheeseburger?"
    Librarian says, "This is a library."
    Guy says (whispers), "Oh. Can I get a cheeseburger?"

    This one works better out loud.
     
    Kato, Nov 20, 2011
    #5
    Sea Bass likes this.
  6. Buck

    Buck Well-Known Member

    John elway walks into a bar ...
     
    Buck, Nov 20, 2011
    #6
  7. Steak Snabler

    Steak Snabler Well-Known Member

    Why is six afraid of seven?

    Because seven eight nine.
     
    Steak Snabler, Nov 20, 2011
    #7
  8. joeggernaut

    joeggernaut Member

    An orange is rolling down the road but quickly stops. Turns out it ran out of juice.

    Two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducks.
     
    joeggernaut, Nov 20, 2011
    #8
  9. Johnny Dangerously

    Johnny Dangerously Well-Known Member

    I haven't slept for three days ...






    ... because that would be too long.



    RIP, Mitch Hedberg
     
    Johnny Dangerously, Nov 20, 2011
    #9
    FileNotFound likes this.
  10. playthrough

    playthrough Moderator Staff Member

    From my 6-year-old this week:

    Knock-knock
    Who's there?
    Boo.
    Boo who?
    Why are you crying?
     
    playthrough, Nov 20, 2011
    #10
  11. NickMordo

    NickMordo Active Member

    A guy walks into the kitchen and sees his blonde girlfriend staring at the carton of orange juice. He asks, "Why are you staring at the juice?" And the blonde responds, "Because it says 'concentrate.'"
     
    NickMordo, Nov 20, 2011
    #11
  12. Greenhorn

    Greenhorn Active Member

    A chicken, a duck and pig walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
     
    Greenhorn, Nov 20, 2011
    #12
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