When did you know your spouse was 'The One?'

I like how Versatile's elegant first part was followed by pure raunch.

 

My portion was elegant raunch, dooley.

 

I had sprung for the most expensive sheep suit. Cosplay.com had six varieties, but I wasn't about to go cheap on a girl like this. The hair was wiry and curled but thick. I've said the same about my penis. The inside was an odd mix of latex, rubber and cloth. I'd sprung for the zipper fly, too. The suit's warning said it could cause overheating, and I was hot to trot at the moment.

I pulled it out of the gym bag I had stashed in the truck. She hadn't noticed it when she put her bags there, I suppose, though the gym bag was one of those ubiquitous dark blue ones, anyway. She probably thought I worked out, just looking at me. I unfolded the sheep suit quickly. There wasn't much time to waste. I had freaked out the woman of my dreams, sure, but I knew I could win her back.

I left the mask off. It was a hood, so I could pull it over my head when I caught up to her. The rubber lining could get a bit sweaty. Scent is strongest aphrodisiac. I sprayed a bit of sheep's urine on the suit. She was a real woman, and she'd want a real sheep. This is where we need to dig a little deeper into the woman I'm chasing, the woman of my dreams ...

She was a former high school softball player with 735 posts on the message board where I met her. She ran this game called Sheep. That's where I fell for her. She was married, I think, but hell if that would stop a man in love. I'd heard all kinds of lurid stories from frequent posters about scandalous affairs. And I'd been married twice. I knew the drill, and I wanted to show her mine.

copperpot would be mine.

So I chased her. Dressed in a $689.99 latex, rubber, wool and cloth sheep costume, I ran through the Columbia, Md., streets in search of my loved one. She couldn't have gone far. And I had her bags. And I was her only ride. She was a stranger in these parts. Her profile said Northeast. I figured she didn't know Ellicott City from Elkton.

I screamed her name, the real one and copperpot. She didn't capitalize the "c" in copper. classy.

My vas deferens was killing me at this point. I was in full-on raging horniness. All I needed was to get her to see what I had done for her, what I had brought for her. Surely, she had never met a man who owned a $689.99 latex, rubber, wool and cloth sheep costume with a zipper fly. She'd fall for me.

I turned the corner and found her crying outside the Chipotle. It was closed. I figured that's why she was upset. She looked up. She saw me. She stared.

This was love.

...

 

@MomBoner

 

I was at Target looking for the whole wheat Goldfish crackers. Suddenly, a buff and tan middle aged man walked up to me and flashed a smile. He leaned in and said, "You come here often?"

He had left the top two buttons of his shirt open and his gold necklace was shining in the florescent light. His chest was oiled and his chest hair had been neatly trimmed, like a high quality shag carpet. At that moment, I wanted to run my hands through it, combing it and then lay my head against it and use it as a pillow.

Instead, I stammered something about looking for the whole wheat crackers. He got a funny look and said, "Wow, most moms wouldn't think of getting the healthy crackers. That's really smart." No one had ever called me smart. Not my uncle when he molested me. Or my husband. Not even the pool boy. Sometimes my uncle would tell me that I shouldn't tell anyone if I knew what was good for me, but that's not really the same thing.

I blushed. He added, "Besides, the whole wheat ones taste the best." He asked if I wanted to get some coffee. I blushed some more and said sure. I wasn't sure I should go, but my husband was on the fifth hole at the local country club and after that he would have 5 martinis before driving himself home, plopping himself into his recliner and falling asleep. He would never know.

When we went out for coffee, he only wanted to know more about me. He asked me what my favorite song was and my dream vacation spot and whether I had a latex allergy. He was so kind and caring. He asked for my email address, but I never expected him to email me. He made me feel so alive, but I thought we had just that one moment and no more.

That night, he sent me an email complete with a fantasy! He took what I told him during coffee and turned it into a story. I didn't know you could do that! And just reading about making love underneath the Eiffel Tower while "Amazing Grace" is playing ... it made tingly inside. I had to see him again.

We met the next day. He blindfolded me and put me in the backseat and took back roads to a secluded area. He took out a crusty brown blanket and laid it out in a cornfield. He was so thoughtful -- he said it was special just for me. We had a close call when the pesticide airplane flew over us, but we had a good laugh when they just kept spraying.

I left that cornfield with a yeast infection, herpes simplex and the knowledge that I had met the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

 

This is freaking fantastic.

 

That was my favorite part, as well.

 

Get back to work! You have a new section to write.

 

This thread has been fantastic.

 

Thought I knew from the start.

But when I had to leave our home due to the arrival of a really tall and powerful dude, our relationship took a turn.

The next time I saw my beloved, our home had been ravaged by war. I gave her the power to restore it, and they put her in charge! After that, it was difficult to get any time together.

So, I guess I'm still waiting to know for sure.