Mid-Life Crisis Suggestions?

It's ridiculously hot outside and there's not much to do when it gets like this. So, to pass the time, I began to ponder the fact that yours truly enters his 50s in a couple of months. Most of my cohort hit 50 a year or so ahead of me, and several members chose that milestone to, not to put too fine a point on it, lose their ever-lovin' minds. I was kind of thinking I might have a tamer -- some might say lamer -- mid-life crisis. I'm not that into the idea of making a change in the spouse department and, frankly, trophy cars never were my style. Other than the obligatory colonoscopy, any suggestions on how I can have a mid-life crisis without blowing my life up?

 

Threesome?

 

I've always wanted to murder someone. I figure, if I make it to 50, that might be the way to go. No one in particular, no one I know. The key would be to find a total stranger in the alley behind a bar 50 miles from my house. The key would be to use the same shovel I'd bury him with. (I wouldn't kill a woman. I guess I'm just old fashion like that.) Rent a car under a false name and throw the body in the trunk, wrapped in plastic bags. Avoid too much maniacal laughter, especially when the cops pull you over as they inevitably do every time you have a dead body in the trunk. And, for God's sake, enjoy yourself as you do it. Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

 

My experience is that you don't get to chose the nature of your mid-life crisis. It hunts you down and screws with you for 3-12 months before you wrestle it into submission.

 

I always admired the Alan Arkin character in Little Miss Sunshine who took up heroin because he was old and there didn't seem to be any point to avoiding it anymore. But maybe 50 is a bit too young for that.

 

Are you bald? Get a rug or implants.

Or get a convertable and a piercing.

 

Get your CDL, grow a beard, move to North Dakota.

Next!

 

I would re-evaluate whether a mid-life crisis is appropirate at all.
Life expectancy for an American male is now 75.81.
So, if we break your life into thirds, your mid-life began at 25.28.
Your mid-life is ending at 50.54.

You are too old to have a mid-life crisis. In less than a year you will be experiencing old age. Your mid-life is, realistically, over.

 

Spend many hours using the internet for its real purpose..

 

Suggestions? Stop posting at this site and live your life. The clock is ticking, and it hits 0:00 for everyone.

 

Who says chivalry is dead?

I figure my sensible Honda will last another few years. At that point I'll be in my late 40s and ready to buy something really stupid and impractical.

 

Pilot lessons.