Dear dimwit on the phone

Some old coot just called to ask why baseball games start at 7:05 or 7:10 and not on the hour.

I felt like I was talking to Carlton Blanchard ("Wings" reference). The guy even sounded a bit like him, too.

 

What did you tell him?

 

"neighborhood public address system ordinances, sir."

 

Old coot. I like that. Had one of those call the other day, asking a question "the ball scores" in the paper.

I'm half tempted to change the headed at the top of the page from "SCOREBOARD" to "BALL SCORES."

 

Dear Mr. Letter Writer,

When I told you our editorial pages this week were already dead and full--mainly because of the primary elections next Tuesday--I meant it. We take letters to the editor on a first-come, first-served basis and, unfortunately for you, I will not pull someone else's letter to squeeze yours in.

I know you think this is the most importantest election evers but I really couldn't give a shit. In fact, let me confirm this for you as I'm currently on the toilet as I write this.

Yep. Couldn't give a shit.

So please stop begging me to find room. As important as I'm sure you think your letter is, and as surer as you no doubt are that the publication of said letter will shake the very foundation of the race you're writing about, we already have SIX letters on that particular race and won't be running any more.

So, please, take 'No' for an answer.

Yours in Christ,
Schieza

 

Why do you hate dogs?

 

CK-Kid is a cat person ...

 

Old lady called today complaining that we do too much with local sports. She doesn't have a TV or a computer, and she expects to get all of her national sports news from our newspaper.

She did a lot of yelling. Then she closed with, "You look like you're about 21 years old. You need to grow up and get a life." Then she hung up.

 

Well, that's not bad advice. Voice of bitter experience, anyway.

 

Nuts to that. Who wants to grow up?

 

Dear self-described media liaison for a local high school football team,

Your phoned-in highlights will not be too late for deadline because we only publish varsity results. Also, if you miss deadline we won't publish them at all.

Why didn't you call after your team got crushed in its season opener tonight? Get used to it, or get a new title -- fast.

PaperDoll :

 

when we used to put out a HS FB tab, we also used to print every DI FB schedule in the god damn thing, too. well, we ran out of space one year and the desk folks came to me and said "WTF are we going to do?"
I sez: "how short are we?"
them; "like one college fb schedule."
ha. now remember that i live in the PNW and that i hate me some jason whitlock ... so the fucking choice is easy, right? i'm like: "well, kill ball state" ... of the top of my head.
again, to remind you, i live in the PNW.
that fucking tab hadn't been on the street no more than 20 minutes, and i swear to god whitlock's fucking dad calls up all kinds of butt hurt.
to be honest, after a football tab, i didn't have the time or energy to be sorry. if i remember correctly, i was kind of a dick to the guy. by god that sonuvabitch gave me a run for my money, tho.