Anyone getting stabby tonight? (The V-Day thread)

I've got a stiffy! I've now got a non-zero chance of getting laid tonight!

 

Aw damnit, lost it.

:'(

 

If you're going to do the gross-out humor thing, at least try to be clever, original or detailed.

 

I know, I know. There are high standards around here.

You probably missed the thread I started the other afternoon that got deleted within three minutes. I went for detail, and prompted a dooley "KILL IT WITH FIRE!" salvo, which was appropriately all sent to bit heaven.

 

Son, I am glad you are aware of the error in your ways, but knowing the law does not mean you can break it. However, there is an opportunity for you to get out of another ass kicking, since I'm in a congenial mood. The chief is on our ass about these damn hipsters misusing words just like you did here, so maybe you can be of service. We need an informant to crack the system and figure out why those douchebags think ironic and sarcastic are interchangeable. Knowing your enemy and whatnot. Now, if you ask me, I'd rather just shove my baton up your ass again. But the fucking chief is on us. You know how that is, right? So you come back to us with answers, and your ass can live to get nightstick-fucked another day.