How do you parent compared to the way you were raised?

freqposter says ALWAYS stay at the play date.

 

When I was 14-15 years old I would participate in midnight tournaments at the local Putt-Putt.

As in, the tournament BEGINS at midnight after the place has closed to the public. Patriotic music would play over the loudspeker during 30 minutes of warming up, climaxing with the national anthem right before the tournament started. We're talking 1975-76.

Typically lasted until 2 a.m., after which a few groups would play 4-5 rounds of best-ball (at $5 per round). My most catastrophic night was when I got the yips and lost seven rounds in a row --- 3 weeks worth of paper route profits.

At around 3:30 a.m. my dad would pick me up, and I'd go deliver newspapers 3 hours later.

And I always considered my childhood to be Wally Cleaveresque.

 

I require summer reading of Vergil like FART was made to do.

 

Heck, in the 70s, we wouldn't even be dropped off at practice, we would ride our bikes 2 miles to the field. My son, now 17, didn't even walk 1/2 mile to elementary school.

 

I don't flip when my son curses. Like when he says "Goddamn it!" or "Let go of my fucking hand." At 2, he's not being angry about it, just using the curse in proper ways. I am trying to behaviorally modify this by stopping my own horrible mouth, but it's not fucking working.

 

I never wanted my parents anywhere near my school activities. That was my time. I saw enough of them at home.

I would say I am the same way now that the shoe is on the other foot. Let kids be kids and back off. They don't need you there eyeballing their every step.

 

My wife is a stay at home mom, so she generally stays for practice and, like you guys, I never remember that. My dad drove a truck while he and mom were still married, so she was basically a single mom. She would use my practices to get groceries, run errands, etc.

As for how I'M different ... I'm a disciplinarian, which my parents never really were. I stayed home during the summer while mom worked and dad was gone. At seven, I remember walking across town -- a la The Sandlot -- to the park to play ball. Seven. No fucking way my daughter's ready for that in three months. I guess that means they're pretty sheltered.

Every night I'm home before bed time, which hasn't been many over the past year, I read to them and tuck them in. Never remember that. Like someone said above, I don't blow two packs of smoke in their faces. We eat better. We don't watch TV while we eat. They don't have video games, though they do come in on weekend mornings and grab the iPad and watch netflix until we all get up. They wear bicycle helmets.

I think, overall, I'm a significantly better father than either my father who pretty much left my life at 8, or my stepfather, who was incredibly verbally abusive.

 

I spend a whole lot more time with my son than my father did with me. He owned a store and worked every day, so he wasn't home much.
I don't remember him attending many of my activities, and it was fine. I'm at most if my son's.
I also was one of four brothers and my son is an only child, so that makes a difference.

 

I don't drink at 9 a.m. like my old man did who smoked enough to seemingly go through two lighters a day and blew every spare dime he could get his hands on at the track.

 

I don't parent, because of my parents. I went through a hell of a lot, my mom even more, due to DV and fear. I vowed not to have kids until one or both have passed.

They are pushing 80, me 50, and the gf is way past menopause.

Maybe I can impregnate a 20 or 30 year old someday.

 

I'm sorry to hear that about your upbringing, Vombatus, but your post makes me curious. Why the decision not to have children until they passed? I understand, not everyone wants children, but your post makes it sound like you would have liked to have a child if your parents had died younger.

If that's the case, why deprive yourself of raising a child (and applying the lessons learned from poor parenting)?