Coping with a parent that's "fading"

If he can't make the drive to you, well, you make the drive to see him.

Spend time with him/them, because once they're gone, they're gone, and you can never do it again.

Whoever said growing old is not for sissies had it right.

My dad always said that whoever called that time the golden years must have been 30 years old. And now, my mom says the same thing all the time.

 

Playthrough, if there is any great advice out there, it's "Be there."

There were some tough times. Some of them really ugly. But be there.

 

My mom died in 2013 and took Aricept. It makes matters worse. Here's a review of it, too. Aricept Drug and Medication User Reviews on RxList

y 92 year old Mother is in a nursing home, one of her health issues is dementia which is slowly getting worse. The doctor prescribed 10 mg.Aricept. Mom had been on the drug for a week and each day I saw her I could see the changes taking place. She was more confused than ever before, forgetting her everyday routine, wanting to go to bed 3 pm in the afternoon, weak the list goes on. This was a frightening experience to see what aricept was doing to her. I immediately had her taken off aricept. Now I am waiting till it gets out of her system. The side effects of this drug were worse that the condition she is being treated for.

 

I'll interject a little humor here because it seems like it could be beneficial, and this is the appropriate place, I think:

I was out yesterday and came across a good deal on one of those little pull-to-open LED lanterns that show up on TV all the time now. I decided to buy it because I've been looking at them. I got home and tried it out. It works pretty well.

I walked next door to my folks' to show my dad. He's 79. I pulled it open/on and said, "check this out." Before I knew what happened, he had it and was saying, "Thanks. I've been wanting one of these. I've seen them on TV. Thanks. That's alright. I can use that. (showing it to the dog) Look what Driftwood brought us. Thank you. Thank you."

Of course in my mind, I'm thinking, "What the heck? I didn't bring it to you. I was just showing you my lantern." I played the good son and said, "Yeah, I figured you'd like to have one of these." It was about all I could do to keep my composure both in terms of eye roll/head shake to uncontrollable laughter. I called my mom today and said, "You do realize he stole my freakin lantern." She broke out laughing.

In the end, the story/hilarity value of the whole event far exceeds the $7 I paid for it. I just have to go buy another one for myself, I guess.

 

My Mom died earlier this year after 10 years of COPD (brought on by 50+ years of smoking). Seeing her fade was far more difficult than seeing her die, which was almost a relief -- I know it was a relief for her. I miss her, but what I really miss is the version that ceased to be sometime around 2005. So I'll take it a step further: Enjoy them before they fade. I didn't do that with my Mom, but am definitely doing so with my Dad, who is still an active 81-year-old. We talk more than ever and I've learned more the last six months than I had in decades prior.

 

Take pictures. Especially if your whole family is still alive and available for family photos, be sure to take current ones, for posterity's sake, while you still have the chance.

This is not always easy. If you've got family members spread around other states, or siblings/parents who don't get along or don't keep in touch, etc., it is, oftentimes, really hard to get the entire family together at all. And then to try to plan/execute a photo session at that time, too? It's easier said than done, particularly with large families, even if someone actually thinks of it.

But try to do it, perhaps actually having a professional portrait done at a Picture People place, or a studio, even, because once someone in the family passes away, there's no getting around the fact that the "family picture" is forever changed.

 

Folks everyone is old enough here to understand; IMHO, not cryptically but live ever day knowing this is hanging out there, I don’t think of what one extra day is going to be with my mom and dad, but I try to live every day knowing it’s out there, I don’t sweat what today means but what I’ve done in the long run