Dear dimwit on the phone

[apeman33]

Given the state of the country these days, we could just leave it at, "Dear Dimwits..." and get this thread to 100,000 pages.

In that spirit:

Dear Dimwits in General:

If you don't have the mask on over your mouth and nose, you don't have it on at all.

Yours,

Ape.

 

[Spartan Squad]

In that spirit:

Dear Dimwits in General:

If you don't have the mask on over your mouth and nose, you don't have it on at all.

Yours,

Ape.

Dear Dimwit walking around in Safeway,

That child-sized jockstrap on your face is not doing anything.

Yours,

Spartan

(I don't know if it was in fact a jock, but I don't know what else to call it)

 

[Spartan Squad]

Dear Dimwit Door Dasher,

You're delivering my food, not telling me I've just won Publisher's Clearinghouse. So please, the excessive knocking and door bell ringing and making pronouncements are not necessary. My neighbors down the street don't need to know my Mongolian Beef has arrived.

Thanks.

 

[Kolchak]

Digging up an old story I hope I haven't already shared...

Reader calls to complain that our TV section is wrong because we have a tennis match listed that isn't on. After looking it up, I tell her it's been rained out, and her response is that we're both wrong. What does that even mean?

 

[Kolchak]

Anyone getting angry readers complaining that you got a TV listing wrong when the game was canceled an hour or two before starting? Or better yet, that you should've had it listed as being canceled?

 

[fossywriter8]

Had one for the ages last night.
Phone rings, I'm thinking it's for the sports department, so I punch in the code on my phone to pick it up.
Lady on the other end asks if Ann is there.
Since I'm part time and know only one or two day time workers, I say, "No, Ann's not here."
Then it gets weird.
Lady then begins to tell me she would call Ann at home, but doesn't have her number any more because ... (wait for it) it has been washed off her leg.
Yes, she said she repeatedly writes the number on her leg so she doesn't lose it.
She then asks me if I'm a lawyer.
She then says I have a soothing voice.

 

[spikechiquet]

Had one for the ages last night.
Phone rings, I'm thinking it's for the sports department, so I punch in the code on my phone to pick it up.
Lady on the other end asks if Ann is there.
Since I'm part time and know only one or two day time workers, I say, "No, Ann's not here."
Then it gets weird.
Lady then begins to tell me she would call Ann at home, but doesn't have her number any more because ... (wait for it) it has been washed off her leg.
Yes, she said she repeatedly writes the number on her leg so she doesn't lose it.
She then asks me if I'm a lawyer.
She then says I have a soothing voice.

So...did you end up meeting her for drinks or what?!

 

[Batman]

Anyone getting angry readers complaining that you got a TV listing wrong when the game was canceled an hour or two before starting? Or better yet, that you should've had it listed as being canceled?

No angry calls, but keeping up with the TV listings has been a full-time job this season. I'm checking and updating the master list a couple times a day, and I've started holding off putting them online until Wednesday or Thursday, whereas I would normally do it Monday or Tuesday.
I also started putting a little note at the top of the online version about the schedule constantly being adjusted because of COVID, and that we will update it as needed.

 

[Kolchak]

When something's been left out of the TV listings, whether it be your error or because the AP listings suck, have you ever gotten an angry reader claiming you deliberately left it out and put something "lesser" (like surfing, skiing, swimming, motocross or whatever) in its place?

 

[HanSenSE]

Could go in the covid threads, but as a sign of how much this place has gotten to me, my first though is:

Dear dimwit columnist: How could you empower water polo parents?

 

[MNgremlin]

We got a call today asking if all-area team members get some sort of trophy or certificate......maybe if you make one yourself? Kid that was football DPOY is getting recruiting interest, and the dad wanted something to show off to recruiters.

 

[Batman]

We got a call today asking if all-area team members get some sort of trophy or certificate......maybe if you make one yourself? Kid that was football DPOY is getting recruiting interest, and the dad wanted something to show off to recruiters.

I think, many, many years ago, our paper printed up a certificate for the all-county and all-area players. At least that's what I inferred from the unopened pack of about 200 certificates I found in an old filing cabinet.
We tried to revive it once, but it didn't take off. Getting them printed proved to be a hashle for some reason, and it wound up being more trouble than it was worth at the time. If you can pull it off, it is a nice little giveaway and a neat "trophy." Just print them up and give them to the team's coach to give to the players.