Family Ties- unraveling thereof

By law our step-mom is only entitled to 10 percent of my dad's estate, as each of their wills gave everything to their sons. We're giving her 33 percent.

She still withdrew $24,000 from one of his CDs less than two weeks after his death --- one-third of the account --- on her own instead of having it done legally.

And she accused my brother of trying to "steal" my dad's car when he wanted to give it to my wife. Step-mom has not driven a car in more than a decade and never will.

 

Not related to the title, but I have a first cousin on my mom's side who has compiled a family genealogy back to the 1700s, and it's spectacular. We're lucky to have someone like that. I had heard stories about three great-great uncles who died in the Civil War fighting for the Union and now I have proof.

Another family member on my dad's side has traced the genealogy back to the 1500s in Devon, England. Apparently our paternal ancestors came to the colonies in 1639, from Plymouth. There is a small hamlet on Cape Cod bearing our last name.

 

This is a great topic. So, here's my story. Both my parents came from big families. In addition to that, most of my aunts and uncles on both sides didn't stray far from home. Sans one aunt who moved to Arkansas, all my family is in Oregon and within an hour of each other. Growing up, I was super close to my Mom's side of the family. Saw my grandparents on that side probably 2 or more times a week. Wasn't nearly as close to my Dad's side, but would see them at least twice a year.

That all changed when my Dad's mom died. The family stopped hanging out. I'd only see them, and only some of them, at funerals. We did a cousins get-together like five years ago, but other than that zilch. But honestly, maybe it's for the best. My Dad's side of the family is much more conservative, to the point some of them are way crazy. My Mom's side is still close but our gatherings are much smaller. Holidays used to be 40+ people. Now we are lucky to get to 15. I wonder as my aunts and uncles get older and eventually pass if all the cousins will continue to be close.

The good news is I am super close to my Mom and my siblings, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

 

Year before last, my mother and I took a long drive on State Route 25 (?) from Westmoreland to Crossville. This was late Fall and the scenery was gorgeous. One thing I noticed was once we got pretty deep into the eastern part of the state where the highway got perilously narrow and it was wise to hug the cliffside was the number of roads bearing my Dad's Stepdad's surname.

By the way, there really is a Copperhead Road near Hanging Limb, TN and we found Grinder's Switch, one of the many Crybaby bridges, and a few other odd, off the interstate places.

 

Both my parents had large extended families. They split before I was 10. For whatever reason he had, my dad went incommunicado with us in the mid-90s. Didn't know he had died until I found out in a roundabout way from his second wife (another piece of work) that the coroner in San Diego had his body and was wondering if someone could pay for a burial, or they would cremate and bury at sea. No way I was paying for that, a sentiment shared by all his children. He chose not to be involved in my life, fuck it. Also spend Father's Day watching baseball or the U.S. Open to deal with all the sentiment I don't feel.

 

I'm not saying you're wrong in your feelings or your reaction to any of it, but this is really sad.

 

Thanks. Yeah, didn't get the traditional father-son things, but his loss too, not seeing his sons graduate high school and college, get good jobs (yeah, even in journalism), hell, see his grandchild graduate from college. My uncle (who we lost about a year ago) felt he couldn't handle his mother getting divorced from his father and had also changed a bit after serving in Korea.

 

I used to be interested in my family history, I suppose it was the journalist in me had my Dad write down what he remembered. But I find as I get older I just don't care all that much. We're just an ordinary family with little that's historic or even compelling: my grand-uncle was first offered the position at CBS that David Sarnoff took; we are descendants of a famous Polish pianist; a cousin was a U.S. Senator, and another cousin was once married to Paul McCartney's current wife.

 

I had a similar experience. Natural father was a philanderer and mom divorced him when I was about 4. He wasn't much of a father, my sister and I literally sat on the stairs at times waiting for a visit that never came. He went away to a min security federal prison for five years after committing a federal banking crime so I didn't see him for much of middle and high school. Thereafter, while I didn't hate him I bristled when he tried to give me advice because "he was my father." Later, he almost screwed my life by passing bad checks in my name (luckily DA contacted me and verified it wasn't me) then he objected to my choosing my wife (non-Asian) as if he had any say. It got so bad that at the end I wanted nothing to do with him, and then he lied about dying to try to get us to visit him. He passed out of state and I didn't give it much thought. I however still keep in contact with my cousins on that side of the family tree.

Luckily, my father (step dad) came into my life when I was 9 and he taught me all I know. While he wasn't an athlete and had no interest in them (he had a very tough upbringing and there was no time for that in his youth on the farm), he did not dissuade me from them or anything along those lines. I taught my kids to call him, not the other guy, Grandpa.

 

Damn, how do you get to this point? In reading an article about the aftermath of the Kobe Bryant tragedy, apparently Vanessa's (wife) mom has sued Vanessa claiming she's owed backwages for taking care/babysitting/watching her own grandkids!!

The thought that (1) kids become legally indebted to their parents and (2) that a grandparent would seek payment for watching said kids is mind-boggling. Of course, that comes from my cultural and personal background and socialization. I come from a place where the grandparents cherished the time they got with the grandkids and parents did not make it a burden on the grandparents.

 

It happens because there is known to be lots of money involved, and people are greedy.

It has little to do with recompense for pain and suffering, which is what people claim in most lawsuits involving tragic, unexpected deaths. It's really a matter of greed, and people wanting to make sure they get theirs. I doubt they even think much about the deceased person.