I buried my wife yesterday

Agreed. The actions of both heyabbott and exmediahack in their difficult times are something to strive for.

My condolences to you and your family.

 

For some reason I keep thinking of the Sullivan Ballou letter vignette from Burns' Civil War series. You obviously loved your wife as much as he loved his.

I hope knowing you did all you could for as long as you could will eventually bring you some comfort.

 

Sad news, maybe even sadder because we knew it was coming.

Strength and comfort to you and your family, Yab.

 

I'm so very sorry to read this, Abbott, and so very sorry for your loss. Wishing peace and comfort for you and your family.

 

We're all different in real life than we are on the big bad internet.
We're different at home than we are at work.
We're different to our family than we are to our friends. And even among our families, there are only a very tiny number who know who and what we really are.
And it hurts to lose them.

Remember the best of her. You will, of course.

 

I am so sorry. May her memory be a blessing.

Know this: Doctors, nurses, the clinicians you met along the way take it personally. It's true whether it's their tenth patient or their ten thousandth. They wanted to win this for you and your family. It doesn't make it any easier. Still, you need to know you and she were not fighting this alone.

We're here, too, Island of Misfit Toys that we are.

 

Thank you all. I’ve lost my best friend. Until she went
into the hospital on March 10 we probable slept in the same bed every night for 34 1/2 years except may 30 nights.

 

You're a well-seasoned age like me, so you already know this, but as time goes on you'll see your children (or their children) saying or doing little things, and you'll see a flash of your wife.

I see my nieces/ nephews mimicking mannerisms of their grandparents, gone a decade or more before their birth. Or even the great -grandparents their parents never met.

If you believe in the afterlife and spiritual connections, it makes sense; even if it's only shared cultural background and subliminally transferred behaviors, it's still pretty amazing.

At first it'll hurt, but then you'll think, "that is so goddamn cool."

 

This may be the most spot-on thing I’ve ever read on this site. I come from a large extended family, and I can testify that all of the above is SO true.

 

I just saw this, I'm so sad to hear it. I hope you can find comfort.

 

Going to echo File on how spot-on this is. My daughter was born three years after my Mom died but I swear on all things holy that from day one she looks just like her. She's in that phase now where she's losing her baby teeth and the adult teeth are coming in somewhat awkwardly (hello braces) and she looks just like my Mom going thru the same thing at the same age. Even more eerie/cool is that she's got the temper of my wife's Grandpa, who died seven years before my daughter's birth.

Going back even further, my then-teenaged sister was in a serious car accident in 1993 and believes my Dad's Mom, who died in 1969, was her guardian angel during those hairy few hours (she actually had last rites read). I'm less spiritual now than I was then, but I still believe her.

 

This is how my Dad was with my Mom. It's been 12 years and while it hurts as much as it did the day Mom died, he finds some comfort in his surroundings (lives in the same house, whose decor has not changed since 2009--my nephew, now weeks away from graduating high school, is still a kindergartener in the framed picture in the living room) and new routines. He shops on a certain day, goes to church on a certain morning, does laundry and cleans the house on certain days, etc. He gets his papers every morning and reads them throughout the day, watches his financial shows, etc. Between my sister, a few miles away, and me, a couple hours away, we are in constant touch. I speak to him every night. And he visits my Mom's gravesite almost everyday. I hope you and your children are able to navigate this together and sort of figure out your new normal--an overused yet wholly appropriate phrase--alongside one another.