Best/Worst Cities for Barbecue HAHAHAHAHA

They're exceeded by "Mommy" reviewers who take their kids to places that aren't really geared towards family dining and then either humblebrag that Little Khodiegh ate all of his ceviche and then complained about the lack of fresh cilantro or they offer nonapologies for the messes their kids make or in the case of one reviewer for The Nashville Scene, say sorry-not-sorry for shoving people out of the way at the Farmers Market Food Court so she could get first dibs on refills for Little Memphis and Maverick* during midday lunch rush.

When the new owner of Brown's Diner announced he was leaving it as is, my first thought was, "So he's not changing the grease in the fryers. Hey, that's what makes Huey's in Memphis so good. I've heard rumors about Candyland/Vandyland, but nothing substantial enough to see it coming back. Then again, who thought Elder's "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! DON'T ASK ME, WE PROBABLY DON'T HAVE IT, YA HIPPIE! GO AWAY!" Books would not only move, but thrive on Whitebridge Road?**


*Yes, I love Difficult People.

**The books were carried one by one to the blanketed backseat of the owner's car by Italian castrati who then met them at the new location to tenderly remove the single volume that was driven through West Nashville at a gentle 2.75 MPH, where it was reshelved, never to be disturbed again.

Yes, I am cranky today.

 

There are things, people, and ideas I actually like. Then there's the low-hanging fruit. I'll erase it if it offends. Elder's is Nashville's answer to Black Books or maybe Black Books is England's answer to Elder's. Ahdunno.

 

Huey’s is good, but Dyer’s is my platonic ideal for a Memphis cheeseburger.

 

Nashville lost a good one when the Gerst Haus closed. I've got friends who swear by Cock of the Walk. I was honestly never impressed with Demo's. Heck, you basically had to make your own tea.

 

The nice thing about Gerst Haus was the eponymous beer on tap for cheap. They wanted $8 for a glass at Acme.

 

Gerst Haus has good beer, and it was great as long as you ignored the dead flies. Every time certain classmates from WKU wanted to meet and eat in Nashville, it was at Gerst Haus. Did Chez Jose, Elliston Soda Shop, and Fido mean nothing to those barbarians?

These are the same people who would pass up hand-lettered signs selling ham and BBQ in the field for Mc F. Donalds. Some of them refused to taste the food at the first state folklife festival, too. They needed to be beaten with my Docs and sent back to the portals of Hell they slithered from. Who doesn't like vinegar or grape/raisin pie? They couldn't tell you because they don't know.

 

I was in Nashville once with a group of 65-70 year olds. We started discussing supper plams. I gave several options.
They voted and agreed..... on Ruby Tuesday out toward the airport. I about lost my freakin' mind.

 

If you ever get up near Red Boiling Springs, there is a BBQ place that will serve as the Cosmos making up for that incident.

 

Maybe the hidden blessing is they didn't ask to go to Shoney's.

 

This is a story from a long time ago. The UCLA media contingent at the 1987 Aloha Bowl decided Christmas Eve was for exploring Oahu (the game was on Christmas Day). All agreed to get their previews done and filed in the morning, then we were heading around the island in two cars.
First stop was Hanauma Bay, touristy snorkel beach as you head north away from Waikiki. Perfect for us. Then Sandy Beach for bodysurfing. Way cool.
Hungry. Lunch time.
I am driving the second car, and I tell the driver of the lead car that we're looking for something local, not corporate, not a chain. I made up a name: We're looking for Kimo's Wiki Wiki Burgers. We head away from Sandy and we're driving a while without seeing anything. I know the driver of the lead car -- Tracy Dodds -- is starving and might ruin this. Sure enough, she spots a McDonald's and pulls in. Dammit, Tracy.
Sure enough, not 5 minutes after we leave McDonald's, I shit you not, we see Kimo's Wiki Wiki Burgers.

 

Shoulda held out for Big Kahuna Burger.

 

Wash down that tasty burger with a ... Sprite.