Kat O’Brien: I was raped by an MLB player

This comes from MilTwitter, but the principle is much the same.

 

I wonder then, if any other women approach her and ask if it was ______ because they had the same experience with _____. Maybe they can come out as a group.

 

If they do, then she has to worry about if they are credible or not, because if she makes common cause with someone and her case blows up for whatever reason (including the usual skepticism) then she gets tainted by association.

 

So, you believe there are no rape cases that get prosecuted?

I said in a previous post that I didn't/couldn't know what she experienced. But I think I would've spoken to the police with as strong a case as she had, and that would've given it weight, there might have been evidence, etc., and I'd like to believe something just may have come of it. I could be wrong. Maybe I am, but I'm not certain as others about what definitely would've happened. And I still don't know how anybody could be.

 

So, you believe that there aren't legitimate cases of rape where the woman comes forward and is then disbelieved, slandered, and subjected to victim blaming?

There's a reason that a large percentage of sexual assaults go unreported.

 

I'm not talking about hypothetical women. I'm talking about this woman in this circumstance in her job 18 years ago. And she really didn't have a strong case, did she? He would have said she came to his room and they had sex. She would have said that it was non-consensual. And 18 years ago? It would have never made it to court. And her dreams of a career in journalism would have been in tatters. And I'd like to think that you, as a 22-year-old fresh out of college who got raped in the hotel room of a player she was interviewing, when you didn't even maybe realize that could happen to you, would not have called the police. Because not many of us would have. That's what her story was about.

 

Look, Kat is my friend, so anything I write/say/feel is going to be colored by that. I've also been on the awful side of victim-blaming, and I know the cost it takes.

I advised her a couple months ago to write her story, thinking it would free her and be helpful to others. But now, given the evil backlash ... anyway, she's unbelievably strong.

Can we at least let her own words define her story, rather than listen to brave armchair warriors screaming about what they would have done?
I don't know if Mac Engel is on this board, but if so, thank you for writing this:

“A very, very, very small percentage of women who are raped or sexually assaulted who pursue some criminal justice get it,” she said. “The chances of that happening for me when I’m a 22-year-old against some pro athlete, my chances are next to none. My career would have been over.”
She is so right, which is so wrong.
By her own calculations, she gains nothing by naming her attacker.
“I see nothing but negative vitriol for me if I do that, and there is zero chance for him getting civil or criminal consequences. I see nothing but negative consequences for me,” she said. “If I saw there were six other women who said the same thing about this person, that would be different.
“I’d be a single voice speaking up with no way to prove it.”
https://www.star-telegram.com/sports/spt-columns-blogs/mac-engel/article252255493.html

 

Someone very close to me long ago told me that they told their MOM that someone had done something inappropriate. Said mom did nothing to support her daughter or do anything to confront the perp. That's not universal of all moms but damn if your own mom is not going to help, what do you think the general public would do to you? Yeah, that's the type of situation that a woman faces. How can any male even pretend to know what that's like? (Okay, the boys who were victims of pedophiles can, but think about them as well, have they been treated with dignity and respect when they told their stories?)

 

People far more educated than I on this topic hold that rape and sexual violence is more about the control and aggression than the actual sex. I will defer to their wisdom. But I still maintain that the third-party reactions to these events are still about sex and the unhealthy understanding we have about it and the need to play morality police, even outside of a religious context.

 

It would be great to have more w0men come forward and confront their accusers. I think we'd be better off for it.

I'm also a middle-aged white guy who has no idea of what anyone goes through when they are violated like that — or when their mom just sits on her hands when a daughter comes forward — so my opinion is worthless.

 

That opinion is not worthless. This is a discussion, and your viewpoint is perfectly valid and legitimate.