Massacree in Five Part Harmony (Thanksgiving 2022 thread)

Whenever I think my family is dysfunctional, around comes a holiday where we visit the in-laws and HOLY SHIT!!!

Last night, my brother-in-law started talking about how he and my wife spent so much time their grandparents when they grew up. Something his son didn’t get to do even while growing up in the same twin as them because they were too busy. My mother-in-law got PISSED! They are already loud people and talk over each other, but the volume knob cranked to 11. Me and our 13-year-old daughter retreated to the den and pulled out books. She eventually asked why they act that way and all I could say was “I don’t kiddo, I don’t know.”

 

My wife and I are hosting what we call an "orphan's Thanksgiving". We will have folks here for dinner who do not have any family anywhere in the area so they would have no family-like venue to celebrate.

Main course will be a smoked turkey. We brined it overnight in a mixture of apple juice, bourbon and herbs; it has been sitting open to the air in the fridge since 7:00Am this morning to develop aa pellicule on the skin to enhance smoke flavor there. I have freshly cup apple wood and soaked apple wood chunks to provide the smoke to cook the bird.

The dressing is an almond/celery stuffing made with oatmeal bread croutons. The side dishes wre pretty much standard ones.

There will be a champagne toast to begin the festivities. There will be a Chablis from the Burgundy region for those who want white wine; there will be a South African Pinotage for those who prefer red wine.

Pumpkin pie and mince pie will braing it all to a close.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

 

Going over to my brother’s house for Thanksgiving. No drama expected, but this is why I have this thread.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

 

News has gotten around about my hospital stay earlier this month. Relative messages me that he dares me -double dog dares me- to yell, "It's the big one, Elizabeth!" during a zoom call scheduled later. I counter with an offer to announce I am going to pour a fawty for every friend their president killed. We think this is funny. No one else would, which is why we are communicating via text message.

 

I’ll probably have cereal today. The big meal is Saturday at my sister’s house.

 

Wife smoked a turkey. It’s resting now.

 

My mother-in-law at breakfast: “I like Fox News. They put a spin on the news.”

I didn’t say nothin’. It’s gonna be a long day.

 

We’re in NOLA for a few days. Started the day with some gumbo, crab cakes and a hurricane. Steady diet of bloodys at the track for an afternoon. Preservation Hall show, and some turkey and oyster dressing later.

 

We all started checking social media when the Jonas Brothers came on. Good work, Fox Sports.

 

Got through the day with no fatalities, mainly because two of the bi-polar relatives didn't show up. Turkey good. Stuffing outstanding but as usual my wife and daughter make far too much sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole and cranberry sauce.

Only one political skirmish. My mother lamented Kari Lake being screwed out of the Arizona governor's election. Says it was rigged. My sister pointed out that the most votes anyone is contesting won't come close to the 17,000 margin.

"They haven't counted all the votes," my mother said.

Then she talked about how much she admired Herschel Walker. This from a women who in another time would walk across the street if a big black guy came her way.

 

While I took a quick nap, my mother-in-law hijacked the Bluetooth speaker and started playing boring Christmas music. My six-hour LGBTQ+ Spotify playlist will have to continue later.

 

We clearly are related. I poured a screwdriver this morning when the aged relatives started lamenting about the “Queer Marching Band” in the parade and how you can’t say anything anymore, lest you be labeled a racist.

Quite honestly, I like banishing them to the couch while I make all the sides in my well organized solitude in the kitchen. Nearly had to break out the boombox with Adele before noon.

New boyfriend is a saint who insisted on doing all of the dishes and helped me search for my cat when she had a violent escape when the friends’ tiny human started squalling. I am severely scratched.

At least whiskey is as good now as it ever was.