Running "Open Letter" thread...

Dear White Ladies on Twitter/FB and Social Media (aka the KarenVerse),

I'm very glad you enjoyed seeing Barbie, maybe even dressing up. I'm also glad if you had a great time and the money to afford to see Taylor Swift.
Now do me a favor - the next time I get together with some friends on May 5th for some beers and post photos, don't remind me Cinco De Mayo isn't Mexican Independence day, do not comment on how anyone else enjoys other holidays as well. Don't post pictures of the hike you are taking on Super Bowl Sunday to make everyone who does enjoy the game feel like a slug. Do not remind me of some of the less savory details of a celebrity whose death I am sad about. Or make me feel "less than" over any of my pop culture choices. Life is tough enough that when we have a chance enjoy a performance or get-together, we really don't need your social commentary to be a buzzkill.
PS - And congratulations on the US Women's Soccer team (the only sport you seem to acknowlege as being worth anyone caring about). They have finally achieved equality with the US Men, in being overhyped, underperforming punchless wonders who don't seem to understand the goal of the sport is, you know, GOALS!. You Go Girl Indeed. Go away after you lose against Sweden and find some offense.

 

Dear guy agonizing over which scratch-off tickets to buy at the gas station,

I’ll buy both for ya. Anything for you to hurry the fuck up.

 

Dear all doctors, health care, and advertisers,
Being told to take a “brisk” walk is not possible for all of us. It’s not the panacea you prescribe. Also, fuck everyone who think women love shoes and just “die” to have closets full.

Also to @DanOregon who started this thread, I’ll be happy to include you in our Quatro de cinco party, which I know makes no sense translated, and that’s the point.

 

I'm more a 7 of Nine guy myself.

 

Dear Penthouse:
It all started that incredible summer weekend
when I met freqposter in a cornfield near Tahoe.

 

Then he suggested we go down to Vegas and visit Angie ...

 

I thought your letters were fake until this happened to me. I am a junior at a large midwestern college....

 

Dear Idiots of Facebook Marketplace,
I have an item for sale, not trade. I don't want your dirt bike, rifle, or welder. I want folding money.

 

Dear Cult 45 voters:

Get real. Get freaking real.

Sincerely, Dr. Phil

 

Still available?

Interested.

Next.

 

I’ll buy you a $2 five-team parlay of MY choice. You’ll thank me in the long run.

 

if you have items for trade