Happy birthday, Jesus

This was the gift I gave my mom last year. Stole about 16 of those blue plastic canisters from the house

 

Pretty sure I went to one of them back in 2003 or '04. Went to the one in Astoria in about 2016, and it sucked. Buoy in Astoria was much better — and with sea lions in the floor!

 

You got married on the exact day my kid was born? What a great day for both of us!

 

While my parents and I are Jewish, we’ve somewhat semi-celebrated Christmas. My parents would have Santa come through the unlocked back door and bring me gifts as a kid so I wouldn’t feel left out.

My wife isn’t Jewish, but the first year that she met my parents, we got a plastic Christmas tree for her. Since then, we’ve raised the kids as Jewish, but we kinda celebrate Hannukah, and we celebrate the Santa portion of Christmas; not the Jesus part.

Our youngest still kinda believes in Santa, so I make sure to leave a couple of cookie crumbs and a drop of milk left in the glass.

My wife usually makes a Christmas ham, but broke with tradition this year and made bacon-wrapped filet mignon and crab. Very good.

Merry Christmas , Happy Hanukah, Happy Holidays to those who celebrate other holidays and Happy December 25 to those who celebrate none.

 

Yes, Virginia, There Is A

Santa Claus

 

For our paper's December magazine issue I had to write a story about a couple of local guys who have played Santa for years and years. After one of them expressed some reservations because "7-year-olds can read, too," I got the idea to cast it in kind of a light, fanciful and somewhat vague way. These guys work with Santa, Inc., to help the Big Guy take gift orders; they go through formal training to learn some of Santa's magic; and things like that.
I think it came out well, considering the needle I was trying to thread. But ever since the guy mentioned that, all I can think of is that some kid is going to stumble across this magazine and I'll be the one who tells them there is no Santa Claus.

 

In my first job at a small town weekly, I had to do a Q and A with the local Santa. Luckily, the guy I interviewed understood that we were doing a kayfabe interview, answered the questions as Santa and the space-filler turned out well.

 

Might as well get it over with next edition ...

"Yes, little readers, there is no Santa Claus. President Biden made him go away."

 

Look, I'm not gonna say the elves in my workshop are actually just children...but I love child labor, love it! You know in the old days, it was very common right? Ok? They used to have it then they didn't but now we do. And we are making toys the likes of which you've never seen, right? And who wants toys made in Jiiiina? When you can get 'em at Santa's sweatshop.

 

Too soon?

 

We've done that in the past. With this one I tried to do a mix of kayfabe and an actual profile on the two guys I interviewed. They had some really interesting stories of their gigs and methods, like not eating at Breakfast with Santa events so kids won't see Santa chowing down on bacon and eggs; or parking their car out of sight of a gig so the kids won't see Santa getting into a regular car. They've both been doing it a long time and take it as a serious responsibility to maintain the image and the magic.

One of them really lives the gimmick and dresses like you'd expect Santa to dress if he were off-duty. Several years back he was on the golf course when I happened to be shooting random photos out there, and he was wearing a shirt that looked like a Santa jacket with his long white beard. I got a cool shot of "Santa" relaxing and playing golf in July. Same guy also rides a motorcycle and drives a red Corvette, which made for a perfect lead for the story.
So I tried to mix all of that in, like I said, with the kayfabe bit of Santa being a busy guy who recruits people like this to help him out, and gives them some of his Christmas magic to get the job done. It's not too much of a stretch, really. They do have plenty of Christmas spirit (magic) and were recruited by and learned from other people who have played Santa to join the brotherhood.
Hopefully the story I told is no worse on kids' psyche than movies like The Santa Clause, or even Rudolph, where they peel back the curtain on the workings of Santa, Inc.

 

Or, more likely, appear.