I should apologize, right?

So everything with moving Dad to assisted living was going well. He liked the facility and the apartment. All good.

Then the manager came in and said that they didn't have a form signed by his doctor and without that he couldn't stay there due to state regulations We'd been in contact with the sales guy for more than a week. We'd filled out forms and written checks. Nobody ever said anything about a doctor's form. We moved his furniture into the apartment. Nobody ever said anything about a doctor's form. Got Dad from the rehab hospital, drove him over there, met the day shift nurse and discussed his care plan. Nobody ever said anything about a doctor's form.

Then the facility manager and business manager came in and told us about this form that the sales guy dropped the ball on. Dad's primary care doctor is out of town this week. His kidney doctor wasn't available either. And they told us this at 4:45 pm. I called a couple of doctors who are personal friends and they couldn't ethically sign it since they've never treated him.

I got HOT - but still respectful - with the facility manager and business manager since this was their employee's fault. Then the sales manager who fucked up said "I know how you are feeling, I've been in your shoes." To which I said "Oh, you've moved your 86-year-old father into assisted living only to be told after you were there for nearly three hours and have moved all his furniture and clothes into his apartment that he can't stay there because somebody at the facility didn't do their job?" When he said "Yes, I have" I called him a liar. I should have taken my blood pressure at that point, I might have exploded the machine. I definitely used some expletives. I think I turned to his boss and said something like "If you don't fire this idiot for messing up my Dad's move-in day, then you damn sure should for him lying to a customer." Again, probably with some expletives.

So I brought Dad to my house, but my wife is sick with a head cold or sinus infection or Covid or walking pneumonia or something. He didn't need to be exposed to that (plus our 1938 house isn't set up for somebody who needs a walker), so we ate a quick dinner and I drove him to my brother's house two hours away. I just got home.

The whole way back, I've been thinking I should apologize to the staffers. I had a right to be angry, but not THAT angry. It was totally out of character for me. And I'm feeling a massive amount of guilt for how I treated them. (And guilt because we are putting Dad into assisted living in the first place.) ((Also guilt from my wife being sick and me being so preoccupied with Dad's situation that I couldn't take care of her.))

Everybody makes mistakes, right?

 

Yeah. You should probably apologize. But I say that because it's a good practical move. Your ire is justified and understandable. Probably can't hurt your dad's situation to apologize.

 

Yeah, that's another part of it. Thanks.

 

I found the administrator at my dad's long-term care facility to be a complete idiot. My dad was there for only a few weeks and the administrator lied or got things wrong when I spoke with her 3 times during that period. I told her off only after my dad left. The things she fucked up were so basic.

 

My dad is refusing but it could happen soon.

 

Yes, my friend. Apologize.

It's the polite - and politic - thing to do.

 

I guarantee that I would have reacted the same way you did.

But it sounds like it's the accumulation of everything that's going on in your world right now, and not just this sales guy's fuckup. Were you correct in becoming as angry as you did? Probably. Is an apology the best move at this point? Probably.

 

Yeah, apologize. Let them know your situation, your worries, the stress of your day. Say it was out of character etc. Is he still going in to the same place? Maybe apologize a couple of times, get on the good side of staffers.

 

Your apology isn't because you were wrong, because you weren't. It's because of how you treated the person. So, even though you're apologizing, you're not apologizing.

 

Agreeing with everone wrt apologies. Yes, there is usually medical paperwork, advance directives, HIPAA and all that. IDeally a clinician or appropriately trained medical (sometimes called unit secretary should be present.

Apologize for your choice of words.