The ex who won't go away (and won't/can't let go)

OK, quick synopsis. I get divorced and my rebound relationship is an incredibly steamy and satisfying one. Perhaps things moved fast but this woman was a dynamo in so many ways (intimacy, enthusiasm about life, etc.) and I got quickly wrapped up in her. Then, suddenly, things get too real and she ends the relationship.

Fast forward a few months and I'm in a satisfying and quiet relationship with someone else but the explosiveness is a bit lacking. Happy in other respects but not looking to get married, move in, etc.

Out of the blue, the rebound girl reappears and we start conversing again.

Do I take a chance with the dynamo or does slow and steady win the race? This is more a hypothetical question for the time being because I'm not feeling particularly compelled to make a decision right now. Still, I'm wondering and it's been tough to talk to my friends about this.

 

Both.

 

Neither

 

Reasons.

 

Whichever will let you go ass-to-mouth.

 

My reason -- You sound like you might be a bit unfulfilled in your current relationship and perhaps romaticizing the rebound one as being exactly what it is you want. There are reasons it didn't work out (and I'm really anti the whole getting back with exes thing).

So neither's the girl for you.

 

Just hit both up.

 

Are you exclusive with Ms. Slow & Steady? Does she think you are?

A re-engagement Rebound Girl is not likely to end well. There are reasons it failed the first time and those almost certainly will reoccur.

But if you're a free agent with a nonexclusive arrangement with Ms. Slow & Steady, have some fun with Rebound Girl while you can. Just don't except it to be a long-term deal.

 

sc -- Does Neither put out?

Maybe I could get her number?

 

Your title is misleading--she won't go away, or you don't want her to?

1. Why'd she end it the first time, and is she over those reasons?
2. As for Woman2. if there's no explosiveness in the beginning, probably won't be there later. Would that make you happy down the road?
3. Are you in deep enough with Woman2 that you would be a jerk to see Woman1?

 

Don't know if you'll like what this old married woman has to say, but here goes....

You seem pretty ambivilent over the entire situation. Which tells me you just don't know what you want to do.

Whatever you do, do not date both of them at the same time.

If the first woman is as much a 'dynamo' as you say, and she dumped you once already, what's to say she wouldn't repeat the same scenario a couple months down the road?

While steamy and thrilling can be good for a while, after a while reality will rear its ugly head. Day to day life -- paying bills, jobs, juggling family commitments -- play into the equation. Steamy and thrilling isn't going to cut it then.

I've always told my newly- and semi-newly divorced friends they should give themselves at least a year before jumping into another relationship. No matter how amicable the divorce may be, there is still grieving to contend with, emotions to sort through; and this is done best without a new romantic entanglement.

The ultimate decision on what to do is yours. But before you make a decision, you should sit down with a notebook and pen and make some lists -- what you want out of a relationship, what you want out of life. Then evaluate your relationship (and the old one) and decide what to do.

Good luck.

Just don't string both of them along!

 

I am indeed exlusive with Ms. Steady but I've made it clear what I need in life is someone I can spend time with and have fun with without the current possibility for marriage. I've been very up front about that and she's aware of that barrier.

At the same time, I cannot bring myself to cheat on someone. It's too cruel and that's not the kind of person I am.

I guess it is a grass (or ass?) is greener kind of situation, and I probably am romanticizing things. But to have her suddenly reappear in my life like that has thrown a curveball at me.