The Best Quotes You Couldn't Use

Of a similar vein, there's a great quote posted on the wall of the sports department at the Michigan Daily, the student newspaper at the University of Michigan.

When Michigan won its now-vacated NIT championship in 1997, writers from the paper followed the team to New York. While sightseeing, the writers ran into a few players from the team on the street, including Brandon Hughes, former coach Steve Fishers' failed one-year experiment with recruiting a JUCO player.

Said Hughes to the young scribes: "Y'all be writing some fucked up shit!"

 

My own personal Mizzou quote comes from former basketball standout Lee Coward.
As I interviewed Coward the day before an NCAA Tournament game, Norm Stewart kept pacing and pacing and then finally yelled, 'Lee, Lee, get on the bus!"
Lee, however, kept right on talking.
Finally, I interrupted Lee and said, "what about Norm?"
Lee's response: "Fuck Norm!"
I felt the same way many times.

 

A major league pitching coach, during one of the more exquisitely intense divisional races ever:

"It's like an orgasm that goes on for so long it starts to hurt."

 

Similar to one posted earlier, and not mine. Mike Purkey told me this story. He was covering a PGA event one year in Charlotte and the idea was to talk to a pro after shooting a horrible round, like not breaking 80. How does it feel for a guy who's used to shooting in the 60s to not be able to break 80 like a weekend hacker. So he goes up to a guy in the locker room after the guy hung up an 81 or something and explained the premise. The golfer looked up and said, "F--k golf." End of interview

 

One of my co-workers gets on an elevator with a well-known NASCAR driver and a big blonde obviously not his wife.

Reporter: "Hey man, what are doin' tonight?"

Driver, looking towards blonde: "Getting my dick sucked."

The blonde giggled.

 

The one I have isn't nearly as funny as the ones before, but just so mean. A local hs softball coach after I asked him about his best player's power hitting. Keep in mind she happens to be about 50 pounds overweight, but just the sweetest and hardest working girl on the team.

"She's got a ton of doubles, but if she wasn't so fat she'd have a helluva lot more home runs."

 

I was asking a coach a question for HS football preview box and asked why Johnny Linebacker wasn't playing on Friday.

Coach: "Ah, he's suspended. He punched a girl in the face."

Me: (Stammering) "uh, he did? ...."

Coach: "She deserved it, though."

 

That's scary awful, and amazingly funny all in the same.

Had a coach of an American Legion baseball team which gets its players from four small school districts talk about kids from East Bubmlefuck High.

"They're all pussies. And if there was a pussyland, Joe Blow would be the king. Each and every one of them suffers from pussydom and they just don't give a fuck."

 

one of our reporters was covering the grey cup a few years ago when the league governors were arguing over whether or not they should offer the commissioners job to one particular candidate.

a meeting broke up, with the bog chairman dodging reporters because -- as it turned out -- he was going to offer this guy the job. another governor comes out and the five reporters still there stop him to ask him what's going on.

now, my guy is the only tv person, and ive seen the tape. understand, this conversation is on tape.

our reporter: "so what happens now?"

governor (who shall remain nameless): "what happens now? im going up to my room to take a shit."

then, he walks into the elevator. we didnt use the clip.

 

A football coach after his team was blown out:

"Sometimes fuck-it sets in and there ain't shit you can do about it."

 

These really don't compare to most of the stuff already posted, but they were both from earlier tonight, and both ran in the story. From a Little League Junior district title game

On the performance of the winning pitcher:
"I always feel good behind Bobby..."

From the shortstop, who walked three times:
"I was up there looking for balls, and there were balls there..."

I'm pretty sure I worded the second one incorrectly, but you get the idea.

 

At a high school football playoff game, the crusty, been-around-forever coach is absolutely berating the officials about where they spotted the ball. Just chewing their asses and spitting it out. Just as he gets done and the officials walk away, our photog starts walking back down the sideline in preparation for the punt. The coach looks at the photog, winks at him and says, "Hell, I just made all that up."