A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

My first is this.

Dear good people of the world,

When I'm getting off the elevator and you're getting on, the process will be much smoother if you wait until I exit to begin climbing aboard.

Regards,

UT

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My second:

Dear guy who takes his shirt off without unbuttoning it,

I hate you.

I realize I'm just your lowly dry cleaners counter girl, but I already have to sort your dirty laundry, and I really hate having to unbutton every button on your shirt, save the top one.

I also hate that you talk on your cell phone the entire time and shake your credit card at me instead of giving me your name.

Act like a human being.

Regards,

UT

 

Dear good people of the world,

When in a parking lot, please do not park behind someone's car to say goodbye to your family. Say goodbye inside or don't move your car.

Regards,
Spup

 

what's with this 'good people' shit?

dear motherfuckers who drive in south florida:

the roads are only safe if you comprehend that you are not the only person on the road. i know, i know you have an important call to take. that doesn't mean you can drive 30 in the left lane on I-95 or 70 on a residential street. i know, i know, no one else uses their turn signal but it has to start somewhere so why not use it? it's that little lever on the left side of your steering wheel. oh, and if you miss your turn IT'S NOT OK TO CUT ACROSS TWO OR THREE LANES. you'll have to go around and make a u-turn. yes, i realize that will be inconvenient but so will the accident you're bound to cause. assholes.

love,

leo1

 

Dear good people of the world,

I like woot. Please save me (and maybe IJAG) three pieces of crap when the bag 'o crap comes up again.

Yours in woot,
BBAM

 

NEVER!

Edit: I hope this is what you get:

 

Dear bitch in front of me at the ATM the other day,

When you have a deposit to make, and it's 2 p.m. and the other three drivethru lanes at the bank are empty, do NOT make your deposit at the ATM. Do not make the car behind you (me) wait nine minutes to take $20 out of the machine while you take that long to figure out your account number. And do not, after getting your receipt, sit in your car in front of the machine for another minute while you get re-organized for your long drive home. Do, however, be thankful I didn't start bump-drafting your ass out of the way.

Sincerely,

IJAG

 

Oooooo, that's a good one. I actually had someone pull to the ATM (heh heh), get the deposit slip, see that someone (me) had pulled up behind them, then she pulled around to fill out the form so I didn't have to wait. I was truly impressed.

 

I cannot tell you how many times during that nine minutes I exasperatedly yelled "Seriously? Right now? SEriously?" out my window. Bitch was completely uninterested in how much she was inconveniencing anyone else. Shit, I feel bad if I have to ask for a deposit slip and fill it out, even if I'm the only one there, because I feel like I'm holding up the teller inside.

That being said, this bank is on a one-way street, and youhave to leave the bank from the drive thru. You can't circle back around. So she'd have had to go around the block and come back if she'd pulled through. But not if she'd gone to one of the fucking lanes with a live human being.

 

Dear Elderly Woman,

I appreciate that you took the time to come to my office today on deadline with your urgent request. I'm sure you are proud of your deceased brother for being posthumously inducted into a sports hall of fame in another state. You two must have had such a lovely childhood growing up in a city 2,000 miles away from the one in which we currently reside. Because your late brother never lived here, never worked here, isn't buried here and it was his widow, not you, who accepted the award on his behalf, I will not be writing a story about his induction into said hall of fame.

Sincerely,
Cadet

 

Dear stupid woman,

Don't throw your cash down on the counter when I'm holding my hand out for it.

It's rude.

Also, when you're pulling up to the drive-thru window, please don't park so far away that I have to climb out the window to get your clothes.

I have to quite this job.

 

Dear Grocery Store Customer,

When in line at the register, is it really necessary to have your cart up my ass?
How about some goddamn personal space? Do you think this is really going to speed up the process?
Next time I'm going to pick up that rubber thingamabob that divides your groceries from mine, and beat you about the head.

Fishwrapper

 

Dear smokers,

I recognize your right to smoke. I often do so myself. But please don't bring your infant or toddler into the smoking section. YOU may not mind darkening YOUR baby's lungs but I certainly do. I am not going to smoke around your baby and you shouldn't either. Ever. Assholes.