Dear dimwit on the phone

When you pause for 20 ... 30... 40 ... seconds in the middle of calling in an event, and the phone goes dead, it isn't an accident.

When you're carrying on three, four, five conversations in the middle of calling in an event, and keep losing your place, and the phone goes dead, that isn't an accident either.

 

What's your point here? Please translate.

 

Talk or he's hanging up.

 

And make sure the fucking score by quartrs are added up before you call.

 

Yuppers, I don't have time to wait patiently with bated breath while the caller gets their shit together.

 

You still get phone calls?

Dear Dimwit at the Fax Machine,

Please make sure you're writing legibly and/or faxing the document right side up.

Dear Dimwit at the Computer,

Please make sure that the link you send me for your stats at Digital Scout or Max Preps is actually working before you send it to me.

Either that or call (oh, right, you don't call anymore...my bad) and make sure the format you're sending your document is one my computer can open.

Thanks,

Ape.

 

Dear Middle School Basketball Coach:

Ordinarily we don't have space for middle school results. But when you call from the bus ride home with 25 giggling middle schoolers all bugging you at the same time, and you call every time, win or lose, well then, that kind of initiative and effort just has to be rewarded, or there's no justice left in the world.

I wish our high school coaches would follow your example.

Thank you,

Fishwrap Sports Editor

 

Dear parental unit(s) of JV star:
Please note that all we run on JV and frosh games is the score. No, we're not going to make an exception because the team is playing their archrival, or they're undefeated, or any other reason you can waste my time with. And if they don't make varsity next year and won't get their name in a box score any other way, that's not my problem. Have a nice day!

 

jv teams have archrivals?

 

Yep. The teams that beat them when they were freshmen.

 

Dear scorekeeper of the little private school girls basketball team:

When you fill out the scorebook, get the freaking last names of the other team. We ain't-a gonna run a box score with just Brandi, Meagan, Courtney and Melinda in it.

And if you're keeping score of a softball game, just because somebody on either team hit the freaking ball, that doesn't mean it was a base hit, dammnit.

 

Fax? Why don't you just send it over on a dinosaur?