Everything I write is terrible

[musicman]

Try to remember this: It's all relative.

Right now, somewhere, maybe even lurking on SportsJournalists.com, there is a college kid who is bummed because he or she doesn't think they're a very good writer. They're realizing they're not going to land a coveted intership at a major metro, get praised as an 'effing stud, and will have to settle for something smaller, like a 50,000 cirq paper in Texas.

At that same major metro I just mentioned, there is a young, aspring preps reporter who is bummed out because, at 24, he thinks he's not a very good writer. He's done some quality stuff, but there is already a kid at the paper who is covering the NFL beat at 25, and getting praised every day on SportsJournalists.com.

The NFL beat reporter works hard, writes good features, even wins a few awards, but he's convinced his writing isn't as good as a friend of his. She is a takeout writer who breezed through a year as a beat writer before she was promoted to do big picture, award-winning, long-form narrative stuff. When he reads her artful sentences, it makes him want to pull his hair out.

The takeout writer can turn a phrase, construct a tearjerker, but privately she's devastated because she really wants to write for a magazine, and when she reads the stuff in Esquire or Sports Illustrated or the New Yorker, it breaks her heart because she knows she's just not that good. She's done some stuff people tell her is excellent, but it's never made it into BASW, and now she wonders if she ever will. She's sent her clips to a few magazines, but she never hears back, and that only confirms her worst fears.

Over at SI, there is a young staffer who is churning out stories and doing some major take-outs. But he's not Rick Reilly or Gary Smith or Frank Deford, and everyone knows it. No one has to tell him either; he understands it in his heart. And so every time he looks at his copy, he feels like a failure. Why can't he write like THAT!!?? How in the world do they do that? I grew up reading Reilly and now I feel like a phony, he thinks.

Higher up on the masthead and the payscale at SI, there is a senior staffer who has been there for years and years, has won some major awards, and while he' not quite Reilly or Gary Smith, he's one of the best in the country, universally respected, and has been in BASW multiple times. But when he picks up books by Tim O'Brien, or Philip Roth, or Cormac McCarthy, or some of the best writers of his generation, he feels like a fraud. What happened, he thinks to himself. In college, I always dreamed of writing like that, and all I do is write about men who swing sticks at baseballs. There's no poetry in that, no transcendence.

Down in Texas, bottle in his hand, Tim O'Brien sits around, depressed, quietly devastated by the fact that he never quite became Hemingway or F. Scott Fitzgerald, or even, arguably, Philip Roth.

Across the street from O'Brien, there is a kid who is passionate about writing, wants to write about sports for a living, but worries he's not quite good enough. It's a long shot, but he applied for a job covering preps at a 50,000 cirq paper. Instead, some guy who went to a better college and had a previous internship got it after he was turned down by a major metro. The kid who lives across the street from O'Brien is pretty certain he's not as good as the guy who was hired at the 50,000 cirq paper, but he'll get that good someday. He hopes.

For now, he'll take a job at an 18,000 cirq. weekly. He beat out 40 other applicants for the job.

Because, his new boss tells him, he was the best writer who applied.




You can beat yourself up pretty easily when you agonize over the words on your screen. But one of the best writers I know told me not that long ago, "I'm always 10 years away from being the writer I want to be. I'll feel that way 10 years from now."

I read his stuff, and I want to weep, it's so good. It makes me, in some ways, want to give up writing for a living. He reads his own stuff and thinks, "It's not that good, not as good as I want it to be. A.J. Leibling would have done it better."

If you feel like your stuff sucks, don't worry. Most people do. Don't beat yourself up too much, just critique it, or ask someone else to critique it, and vow to get a little bit better each story.

posts like this make time spent here worthwhile...thanks. when time allows, i hope to be more of a contributor.

 

[Editude]

I had a hard time letting go of copy early in my career, one reason I switched to the other side. It wasn't that I thought it was bad; I was obsessing over possibly making mistakes (names, sequences, details, you name it).

 

[hockeybeat]

At what point does caring turn into an obsession? I have been thinking about a lede I wrote two weeks ago, and how I could have--should have, really-- written it differently.

 

[Mighty_Wingman]

Seriously, dude, that's way too long.

I'm a pretty laid back person, especially when it comes to work. My philosophy -- inherited from my first boss, who had a great perspective on this kind of shirt -- is "there's another paper tomorrow."

You wrote a great story? Great. But there's another paper tomorrow. Write something for that one, please.

You wrote a horseshirt story? Too bad. But there's another paper tomorrow...do your best to write a good one then.

99 percent of everything that appears in every newspaper in America is ephemera. Good, bad or indifferent, most of your readers won't ever look at or think of anything that appeared in yesterday's paper once it becomes yesterday's paper. Our job is to make them care about tomorrow's paper, and maybe the next day's. There's nothing we can do about yesterday, or even today.

 

[Jam3131]

I actually think I suck. I'm not even sure why I'm still employed.

Maybe that's overdoing it, but sometimes I really do feel that way. But every now and then I'll get a complement from a co-worker or some random reader that makes me feel better.

It's actually a feeling I need to get over, and quick, because I'm afraid it's holding me back from things like actively seeking out a higher-paying job.

I do have moments where I feel like I do my job rather well, and those are coming more often these days. Maybe that's a good sign.

I am glad I am not the only one like this - luckily I am getting more and more compliments from co-workers and readers (like yourself).

I just wish that I would get more feedback - both positive and negative - thats the only way I'll grow.

 

[Double Down]

I just wish that I would get more feedback - both positive and negative - thats the only way I'll grow.

I think it's worth point out that jgmacg, Friend of the Friendless, Jones (when he ain't book-touring), NoTalentAndFatToo, Tom Petty, Piotr, Ellis Red, DogpoundDH, write-brained, myself and numerous others are willing to help in the Writer's Workshop. Not enough writers seem to want to do this. If you don't want to out yourself, create a new handle and post. All talent levels are welcome.

 

[Tom Petty]

I just wish that I would get more feedback - both positive and negative - thats the only way I'll grow.

I think it's worth point out that jgmacg, Friend of the Friendless, Jones (when he ain't book-touring), NoTalentAndFatToo, Tom Petty, Piotr, Ellis Red, DogpoundDH, write-brained, myself and numerous others are willing to help in the Writer's Workshop. Not enough writers seem to want to do this. If you don't want to out yourself, create a new handle and post. All talent levels are welcome.

honestly, i've never been to that thread, but since an 'effin' stud said i would, i will.

 

[Double Down]

Really? I thought I saw your name over there. Must have been another member of the Traveling Wilburrys (Jeff Lynne?).

Also, rumors of my Effin Stud status have been greatly exaggerated.

 

[Jam3131]

I just wish that I would get more feedback - both positive and negative - thats the only way I'll grow.

Prepare to wait a while then. And I don't mean that harshly. But you can't wait for other people, whether it's editors or readers, to help you get better (or even to point out when you're getting better). You've got to have that in yourself before you can ever find it in others.

Read writers you think are good. Then read your writing. Try to emulate those writers. Keep reading. Keep writing.

THAT's the only way you'll grow.

Thanks for the advice Buckweaver, I read a lot of things - now I just have to narrow it down to writers that are good - and not just those that I respect (I am learning more and more that there is a difference in the two).

Double Down - You are an effin stud - I missed your post before I wrote mine - that gave me some perspective - thank you.

And I will visit the writers workshop with a piece soon - I am definitely not worried about being outed - everything I write here I would write with my own byline.

 

[tommyp]

I just wish that I would get more feedback - both positive and negative - thats the only way I'll grow.

I think it's worth point out that jgmacg, Friend of the Friendless, Jones (when he ain't book-touring), NoTalentAndFatToo, Tom Petty, Piotr, Ellis Red, DogpoundDH, write-brained, myself and numerous others are willing to help in the Writer's Workshop. Not enough writers seem to want to do this. If you don't want to out yourself, create a new handle and post. All talent levels are welcome.

Do you look at non-sports stuff, too?

 

[Boobie Miles]

I've realized that for the most part the only time you're going to get feedback is when you get something wrong/ write an especially bad story. How often does anyone (who isn't related to the subject) call or e-mail over a story you write? I've found that 99% of feedback is reserved for columns and usually when the reader disagrees with you. Obviously when you write a big feature story it's nice to get feedback, and hopefully you do from your editor(s) and readers, but day-to-day I don't think it's strange to not be getting feedback on gamers, advances and notebooks. At least that's the way I look at it, because if there was something wrong, I have to believe you'd hear about it.

The coolest/most humbling thing I've found is when my friends are talking about something I wrote and they don't know I wrote it. Cool because they're just regular people talking about something they saw in the paper that I wrote, but humbling because it makes you realize that the average person doesn't even always check the byline.

 

[Write-brained]

I just wish that I would get more feedback - both positive and negative - thats the only way I'll grow.

I think it's worth point out that jgmacg, Friend of the Friendless, Jones (when he ain't book-touring), NoTalentAndFatToo, Tom Petty, Piotr, Ellis Red, DogpoundDH, write-brained, myself and numerous others are willing to help in the Writer's Workshop. Not enough writers seem to want to do this. If you don't want to out yourself, create a new handle and post. All talent levels are welcome.

I'm happy to.

Plus DD, you deserve all the praise you get on this board. Your posts are always very well thought out. You're one of my favorite to read ..