Favorite manager blowup

The Lexington manager's implosion tonight reminded the wife and I of a classic managerial blowup, but one not everybody heard:

About three years ago we're in Greenville, SC, for a doctor's appointment. We roll into town pretty early and her appointment isn't until the next day, so we've got some time to kill. Weather is nasty -- it's pretty damn cold and looks like it's going to start raining any second.

It's something like 10 a.m. and the guy on the radio tells everyone to come on out to the old ballpark. They've opened the gates and admission is free. Turns out, they've had rain something like the last three days and decided to play a doubleheader as quick as they can to try and a) get some games in, and b) get them in before the weather gets nasty again. So, being the morons we are, we say WTF and head out to the park to see the Greenville Braves and the Chattanooga Lookouts. At least, I'm about 95 percent sure it was the Lookouts.

My God, there is NOBODY there. And when I say nobody, I mean there's two cameramen, three people who appear to be team employees and four fans. And the park is positively falling down. I think this was the last year the Braves played in Greenville.

We sit right behind the Chattanooga dugout, directly behind the manager who is coaching third base (Chattanooga is hitting). When we sit down, the Lookouts have a guy at first with nobody out and a pretty big dude at the plate. Because nobody was there, we could hear everything being said on the field, and hear it crystal-clear. It was pretty surreal.

Three seconds later, the guy at first takes off for second. Less than one second after he made his first move to second, we hear ....

"JEEEEEZUS CHRIST GODDDAMN IT. YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT?"

The manager absolutely loses it. He's in full-on scream mode the whole time the guy is trying to steal the base. He's absolutely beside himself. He puts together a string of explitives that had me doubled over in pain I was laughing so hard. Guy is thrown out, and that only increases the intensity. And now, the baserunner has to pass the manager to get back to the dugout.

At this point, I've lost it. I've got tears running down my face as the baserunner gets back to the dugout. This whole time, the game is going on, but the manager is still screaming at the guy in the dugout. He's turned around and looking right at the guy (and he must see me, as I'm sitting right over where the guy must be in the dugout.)

Finally after another minute or so of reaming the guy, he says "GET YOUR SHIT AND GO TO THE GODDAMN CLUBHOUSE. GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT." So guy gets all his shit together, leaves the dugout and heads down the left-field line toward the clubhouse. Finally, as things subside and as I've almost calmed down, he shakes his head in disgust and mutters ....

MISTER FUCKING BASEBALL.

And I absolutely lose it.

 

I believe there are people on this board who will tell the stories of MLB managers needlessly taking out their wangs....

 

"What's my opinion of Kingman's performance!? What the fuck do you think is my opinion of it? I think it was FUCKING HORSESHIT. Put that in, I don't fucking care. Opinion of his performance!!? Jesus Christ, he beat us with three fucking home runs! What the fuck do you mean, 'What is my opinion of his performance?' How could you ask me a question like that, 'What is my opinion of his performance?' Shit, he hit three home runs! Fuck. I'm fucking pissed off to lose the fucking game. And you ask me my opinion of his performance! Shit. That's a tough question to ask me, isn't it? 'What is my opinion of his performance?'"

 

Fuck those fuckin' fans who come out here and say they're Cub fans that are supposed to be behind you, rippin' every fuckin' thing you do. I'll tell you one fuckin' thing, I hope we get fuckin' hotter than shit, just to stuff it up them 3,000 fuckin' people that show up every fuckin' day, because if they're the real Chicago fuckin' fans, they can kiss my fuckin' ass right downtown and PRINT IT.

They're really, really behind you around here...my fuckin' ass. What the fuck am I supposed to do, go out there and let my fuckin' players get destroyed every day and be quiet about it? For the fuckin' nickel-dime people who turn up? The motherfuckers don't even work. That's why they're out at the fuckin' game. They oughta go out and get a fuckin' job and find out what it's like to go out and earn a fuckin' living. Eighty-five percent of the fuckin' world is working. The other fifteen percent come out here. A fuckin' playground for the cocksuckers. Rip them motherfuckers. Rip them fuckin' cocksuckers like the fuckin' players. We got guys bustin' their fuckin' ass, and them fuckin' people boo. And that's the Cubs? My fuckin' ass. They talk about the great fuckin' support the players get around here. I haven't see it this fuckin' year. Everybody associated with this organization have been winners their whole fuckin' life. Everybody. And the credit is not given in that respect.

Alright, they don't show because we're 5 and 14...and unfortunately, that's the criteria of them dumb fifteen motherfuckin' percent that come out to day baseball. The other eighty-five percent are earning a living. I tell you, it'll take more than a 5 and 12 or 5 and 14 to destroy the makeup of this club. I guarantee you that. There's some fuckin' pros out there that wanna win. But you're stuck in a fuckin' stigma of the fuckin' Dodgers and the Phillies and the Cardinals an all that cheap shit. It's unbelievable. It really is. It's a disheartening fuckin' situation that we're in right now. Anybody who was associated with the Cub organization four or five years ago that came back and sees the multitude of progress that's been made will understand that if they're baseball people, that 5 and 14 doesn't negate all that work. We got 143 fuckin' games left.

What I'm tryin' to say is don't rip them fuckin' guys out there. Rip me. If you wanna rip somebody, rip my fuckin' ass. But don't rip them fuckin' guys 'cause they're givin' everything they can give. And right now they're tryin' to do more than God gave 'em, and that's why we make the simple mistakes. That's exactly why.

 

Hal McRae.

 

There is a clip floating around the web of larry bowa calling someone a c*nt about 10 times. He wasn't managing then (he was still playing for CHC) but it's an amazing clip if you can find it (which i can't at the moment).....

 

HATED that one. Lasorda is such a phony, it's not even genuine. He says goodbye to somebody in the middle of it and continues to berate the poor bastard (Paul Olden) who asked a silly question. Just Tommy being Tommy, world class phony prick.

The Elia one is honest and not geared toward making an ass of someone who happened to ask a question.

Much better and candid Lasorda is the soundtrack from the WS video where he and Doug Rau start barking at each other and Lopes gets involved trying to calm them down.

 

I just heard a lasorda clip the other day that I'd never heard before. clearly he's putting on a show. he's screaming about some columnist at the LA Daily News (?), yells something to TJ (Simers?) and after someone makes a tongue-in-cheek comment about lasorda's opinion about so-and-so's performance, tommy kicks him out. it was pretty amusing.

I've got to say my favorite manager soundclip is the one of earl weaver taping his manager's corner show and taking listener comments. apparently earl believed alice sweet had bigger things to worry about than when her tomato plant would come in.
http://users.rcn.com/pkatcher/audio/EarlWeaverTirade.mp3

 

The TJ on that one was the late Terry Johnson, former Dodgers beat writer.

 

yeah, I didn't figure Simers was around then, but I had no idea.
anyone know where you can find a sound clip of that blowup?

 

Dear Mustard: Your anecdote has made this day a success for me, no matter what comes next. Laughs are the best breakfast. Thanks.

 

Lloyd McClendon stealing first base