Football column

i tried to get away, but i keep getting pulled back in.

just a short column written from far away from the situation.

any thoughts are appreciated.

-unwitty

___________________

It's okay, you deserve it

A small piece of me wondered if head coach Random Guy heard the chuckling coming from 281 highway miles east of Hello Stadium. But in my heart of hearts I know damn well he didn’t.

The man is too busy.

Recruiting.

Scheming.

Motivating.

So, when Random Guy was quoted a Nov. 13 press release that he ‘knew there was a great tradition here and great assistant coaches’ before he took the job, I couldn’t help but laugh.

Here’s a man who has won better than 80 per cent of his games in his three years as head coach and all he can do is talk about the quality of his assistants.

Here’s a man who has claimed two Somewhere in the U.S. Conference crowns in three seasons, garnered two playoff spots, produced the program’s first undefeated season in six years and restored the luster that had been chipped away by a deflating 5-5 season in 2003.

Yet all he can do is boast about the ‘support from the administration, alumni and the community.’

Random Guy wouldn’t take credit for painting the Mona Lisa even if he were caught putting the finishing touches on her infamous smile.

To appreciate the Random Guy effect, you have to understand the disappointment written all over the faces of senior football players after a season ending blowout loss to Some Small College that closed their career and halted a 50 plus year winning season streak.

The clack of metal football cleats against the cement garage floor was all you could hear as the Crazy Mo-fos retreated to the locker room.

That and large offensive lineman sniffling as they tried unsuccessfully to hold back tears.

Heart broke was a word Former Coach used a lot that day.

Renewal was another word tossed around after the Crazy Mo-fos went 6-4 in 2004.

The man who righted the ship? Random Guy. The man who some students thought was an equipment manager, used charm, dedication and seemingly endless gusto to begin erasing the one blemish in the football program’s recent history.

But you wouldn’t know it from talking to him. In fact, the only thing he would talk about was all the work Small College U. had left to do.

And work they did. Two years 19 regular season wins. Two seasons and the Small College U. features more Iowa Conference first team all-conference selections than Old Country Buffett has side dishes.

Dominant is the only word to describe the Crazy Mo-fos now.

So, when Random Guy quips that ‘it was just a matter of time’ that’s just not true.

The restoration wouldn’t have happened without the spry offensive minded general. Small College U. reclaiming its place in the hierarchy of Division III wouldn’t have taken place without the boundless enthusiasm of a man who probably couldn’t see over the center without the help of a step ladder.

While Random Guy likes to downplay his influence on the program, take a look at the recruits he’s landed and then think about the impact they’ve had.

Random Player. Some Player. Another Guy. Hello Mom. Out of Gas.

Can you imagine some of the recruiting pitches other Somewhere in the U.S. Conference teams trotted out? It’s a safe bet to assume that the word rebuilding was somewhere in every third sentence. If Random Guy didn’t keep these blue-chippers in the fold by convincing them Small College U. would rebound quickly, where would the Crazy Mo-fos be now?

Probably somewhere alongside Hated Rival Who Now Sucks.

It isn’t that Random Guy shouldn’t spread the accolades. It isn’t about him being selfish. It isn’t about Random Guy rubbing his success in anyone’s face.

It’s about him standing up to take a bow before the playoff bus goes rumbling away.

Even if most of the crowd mistakes him for a teenager.

 

Re: random column

A quote or two would have been good.

It's a good idea, but the execution is lacking -- cliches, spelling errors, etc.

 

Re: random column

Chastising a successful coach for being too deferential -- that's interesting -- the Mona Lisa line is great.

I'd like to hear more about how you decided on the ending. How it works tying your point of view to the image of him as a teenager.