I'd say "please shoot Berman" but the bullet would just lodge in all that fat

Someone please tell him that his horrible Al Davis has become just a parody of a parody that he now just sounds like a drunk vomiting on a street corner shortly after closing time.

"Taaaaaaaaaah Raaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaahs" Umm, what?

 

Holy shit. This is freaky. Not kidding, the exact IM I just sent to a buddy:

BYH (12:08:29 AM): Dear God: Please kill Chris Berman. Thank you/
BYH (12:08:46 AM): he just did his usual RAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYDAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSS thing and it made my hair stand on end

Awful. Just fucking awful.

 

How is this man the supposed "face" of ESPN?

Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, backbackbackback....

Kill me, please?

 

It's more like "brrrack, brrrack, Brrack," since all of the fat in his jowels gets in the way.

In short, he's a young Beano Cook.

 

The problem now is he just over-fucking-exaggerates it now.

 

He always overfuckingexaggerated it. But now it's not original, not amusing and, with the Raiders mired in suckitude, not relevant.

Just shut the fuck up and call the Raiders Oakland. Douche.

 

he's the story. it's the espn template. they're the story, their anchors are the story, they're existence is the story. of course, we're all just haters.

 

Hoops why do you continue to hate America?

 

i'm a 'lib' -- that's what we do

hate america and love terrorists

 

Watch out for Hoops. He has nerve gas!!!!

 

He looks even bigger in person. You're only seeing half of the beached whale.

The sad thing is, at celebrity golf events and the like, people lap it up. Fans beg him to do the nicknames and the clown act like little kids asking for Grandpa to tell them one last story around the fireside before bedtime. And he's the sort of asshole that will play the part and then snidely mock them after they all walk away.

 

Don't forget the athletes coming up to him and treating him like royalty.

And the rest of us wonder why even the mildest criticism sends 98% of athletes into rants about how the media's always negative.