L.A. sucks, but there is a happy ending ...

tl;dr version:
1. Keep POSITIVE control of your luggage when traveling. Hand on it. In your eyeline. Easily within reach.

2. AirTags are f'n great. Hide one in your luggage.

While in California this weekend, let's say I was inspired with a movie idea.

It goes something like this:

ACT I: THE WEDDING
Jenn and Justin travel to California for a wonderful, wonderful wedding at what seems like a nice hotel in Downtown L.A.

(In true L.A. style, you can even see the inside of the hotel here!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AU0xNOewNmQ&t=133s)

We visit the sights! Saw the Hollywood sign! Walked Santa Monica Pier. Ate an amazing hangover-curing burger! Took a swim!

Enjoyed a super awesome wedding, that was just perfectly themed for a beautiful couple filled with family, friends, and maybe a beer or two. My guy Tito is my new wine god. He broke out some super tasty bottles.
Jenn has all the pictures here on Facebook! Great trip!

In fact, we fade to black just as we call it a night and Jenn says, "Man! What a great trip!"

ACT II: THE HEIST
We open on a pair of simultaneous iPhone alarms going off at 5 a.m., and our protagonists spring from bed. Early flight out of L.A.!

We've had about five hours of sleep. We both may be a wee bit hungover. But we mostly packed the night before, and we were ready to go. Even had a 6 a.m. Uber scheduled.

Justin is ready first, and heads downstairs with suitcase in tow, eager for all the coffee they'll legally sell.

He pulls up to the Starbucks stand in the lobby. It's pretty deserted. The Starbucks is up three or four stairs, so Justin parks the suitcase there, about four or five feet away, and walks up to the register.

There's a small blonde girl here in a white tank top work-outy shirt also picking stuff up. She jumps me in line a little bit, but it's OK - Jenn is walking up, and we're figuring out how much coffee is too much, and if we need some carbs, too. Our woman in white bought an Italian sub and a soda.

Justin and Jenn get their coffee and breakfast sammies and turn around to go meet the Uber. It's 5:50 and he's already here! We're going to make this flight easy! Hopeful optimism abounds!

...

but the suitcase ... yeah you already guessed where this is going ....
...

The suitcase is gone.

The call to arms goes up, and security arrives at the speed of <<insert something really slow ... they don't exactly spring to life as one would hope>>.

Good news! Jenn is wicked smart, and had hidden an Apple AirTag (with a waterproof case) in the suitcase.
Bad news! The AirTag takes a few minutes to walk past another iPhone and report its location.

Meanwhile: We search the hotel lobby and security verifies on film it was our mysterious blonde who took the bag; they even had her credit card transaction from the Italian sub (but sadly no name).

So the AirTag finally pings. Woohoo!

Across the street from our hotel is a now-closed hotel which the city of Los Angeles has taken over to use as a homeless shelter or halfway house.

Justin goes for a run ... more a light jog. ... possibly a fast walk. It's 6:45. We're 25 minutes from the airport in perfect traffic. ... plane starts boarding at 7:45.

The security at this place is pretty tight - they scan every resident that comes in - but these guys aren't ready to go kicking down any resident doors, and the AirTag only does so much.

Jenn arrives. The clock is seriously ticking on the airport.

The Westin security folks are sympathetic. They make it pretty clear that the Westin insurance is going to be on the hook. They said the police told them to file a report online.

Their advice is to not miss our flight, and to go online and file a report.

Act II closes with Justin and Jenn on the plane, taking off. The traffic was great, United cancelled my check-bag fee, TSA Pre-Check rules all things security, and even though LAX is a shit show, we were taking off on time.

Our protagonists are defeated.

All we lost is "stuff," and most of it could be replaced (there were also a few irreplaceable in there, and that's sad), but property crime feels like a pretty big violation.

This one felt like a gut bunch from the universe, and it shows on Jenn and Justin's faces.

ACT III: MANHUNT!
We're home now.

Jenn starts a spreadsheet inventory of the suitcase contents, and its value. It wasn't pretty.

Justin goes online to try to file a police report. First he calls, and the hits keep coming.

Justin: "We have an AirTag. It's still pinging. We have her picture on camera. The shelter checks everyone in."

The Police: "Sorry. You have to be present for us to go recover your stuff. File a report on the web site."

Justin files a report, and even gets confirmation that a report has been made! Great.

But the AirTag is still pinging.

Justin goes to work on Google. First we tried the LA Homeless Authority. Someone supervises that shelter, yes? Found a dozen phone numbers. The staff. Directors. The members of the L.A. County Commissioner's Blue Ribbon Committee on homelessness. The hotline.

Couldn't get a single person to answer the phone.

Googled the political districts in L.A. and found Councilman Kevin de Leon. Found his office phone number.
They answer. The young lady on the phone is super nice and sympathetic.

"Hold on. Let me pass this to another guy, who will call your right back."

To my surprise, the phone rings, and it's Chris from the Councilman's office, who gives me the phone number of Sgt. Halper, of the LAPD.

Sgt. Halper answers his phone too! Three in a row!
"Hold on. Some of my guys are gonna give you a call in just a few minutes."

Sure enough, Officer Martinez and Flores call within 15 minutes. They get the story. We share the AirTag info. Our villain had come back to the hotel, and security grabbed her picture and was passing it on to police.
The have the girl ID'd in like less than an hour.

Boom! A FaceTime looking at our suitcase, with our hero cops showing us our things and verifying they got it right. We even get a light comedy moment, because our officer can't untie the knot Jenn has put on the most important, most expensive single bag in the entire suitcase (and I guess our villain never thought to look?).
The suitcase - and it seems like most of its contents - are returned to the Westin. No idea what happens to the girl in white. In our movie version of events, this is the thing that leads her to a new life, Les Misérables style.

As it turns out, some friends are still at the hotel, and happen to be standing near the security desk when the police return our suitcase to our hotel. Proof of Life photo sent via text, and Justin high-fives Jenn so hard, she tears up.

We close our movie with the suitcase sliding up the luggage ramp, safe and secure tucked in for a plane ride home.

***

Anyways. ... so that's it. That's the movie. We're still working on a title and I've never considered who plays me. Woody Harrelson?

 

That was pretty entertaining. It seems to me you were fortunate you got your luggage back. So many suitcases are lost in traveling. I'm glad that, with what sounds like a lot of legwork on your part, you got your luggage back.

 

Considering how rampant theft has become in LA with what appears to be a mostly "Whaddya gonna do?" attitude from the authorities, I'm seriously impressed they bothered to chase down a single stolen suitcase.

 

Yeah I’m shocked. By the time we got home, I had written it off.

 

That’s the second best Air Tag story I’ve heard. I’m not going to derail your thread by sharing it, but I’ll just second that Air Tags are pretty great.

 

So you by your own account have a wonderful time until you leave your bags unaccompanied in an urban location, they get swiped, and the hotels, the airlines and especially the police do everything right to help you get them back but LA sucks?

 

Ha! .... you make a good point, and I truly blame no one but myself that this happens.

But yes - L.A. still sucks.

 

Do people use the word "sammies" in real life? Like I've never heard someone say, "We're going to pack some sammies".

 

It was a very aughts word, and I remember when I was in college it was used unironically as a cool way to say it.

Dane Cook and “sammies” were probably most popular at the same time.

 

"Sammiches" is even worse.

And I knew a guy who always used both words.

And he called pizza "za." Pronounced "zaw."

 

Where was the wedding venue?

 

There’s a takeout place called “Sammiches” right across the bridge from me in stupid Maryland.

Always assumed it was a colloquialism because I never heard it until I moved here.