Letterman: Top Ten Signs Your Newspaper is in Trouble

10 - "Covers all the news that happens within one block of the office."

9 - "Today's exclusive: 'Nixon Dead!'"

8 - "Reporter sent to jail for refusing to divulge a source...Oh, and he
also killed a dude."

7 - "All horoscopes: 'Now would be a good time to get out of the
newspaper business."

6 - "Paper's motto: 'Suck It'"

5 - "Every 'hot gossip' item is about Jack Klugman."

4 - "Managing editor and guy who wheels around breakfast? Same guy."

3 - "Under 'weather,' it just reads 'yes.'"

2 - "Instead of 'Garfield,' has a comic strip called 'Garfunkel.'"

1 - "You endorsed Dennis Kucinich."





http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/index/php/20070430.phtml

 

Dammit, you beat me to it.

 

11. Thank you for calling JRC; how may I direct your call?

 

Seems spot-on.

 

When your profession is the butt of a Letterman top 10 joke, you know its in trouble.

 

12. Thank you for calling the Regional Toning Center. Iowa papers, press one. California papers, press 2. New York papers, press 3 ...

 

uh, he has made fun of pretty much everyone over the last 25 years. don't sweat it.

 

13. People are leaving in mass numbers -- to take jobs at newspapers owned by Knight Ridder or Gannett

 

Yeah, but he's telling the truth, that's what's scary.

 

14) "No, I'm sorry. Mr. Black won't be available for the next seven to 25 years. Can I help you?"

 

Ahh, bullshit. It's a laugh, nothing more, nothing less.

 

15) this paper gets the much-sought after boots seal of approval