Local racing feature here ... Have at it

Hello all. Long-time lurker here, who is hoping for the most out of his first post.
Anyway, here is a local auto racing feature I did about a month or so back entitled The Best of What's Around, and which I was pretty happy with. Yet, I'm sure that me being pleased with it means that there is still plenty of room for improvement. And so, I turn to you. I apologize in advance for the length, hopefully you can stick with it.
Critizism is appreciated, the more constructive the better, and I appreciate whatever help you're able to give.



For the longest time, Rodney Cook paid little mind to the knot in the back of his left thigh.
He had always had a problem with fluid buildup in his knee, and simply figured that this was just another case of a renegade fluid pocket.
Every day he expected it to go away, and every day it refused. Heck, it even began to get bigger. But it still didn’t really make for more than a blip on the radar of Cook’s daily concerns.
Between putting in 12-hour days for the sprinkler installation company he works for, spending what time he could with his wife and 5-year-old daughter and the spare time he devotes to maintaining and racing cars, there weren’t enough hours in the day for Cook to worry about that knot.
He’s stubborn that way.
“If it doesn’t have four wheels on it, I don’t get it checked out,” Cook said.
A Late Model driver at South Boston Speedway, Cook should have listened to his wife long before he did. It took a year and a half before Nicole Cook’s urgings to go see a doctor finally got through to her husband. By that time, it was almost the end of January and the news wasn’t good.
Cancer, the doctor said.
It was a malignant tumor the size of an eggplant. Through the surgery that followed and through the recovery process after that, Cook tended to think the worst. And the worst included a doubt of whether or not he would be ready to race at the start of the season.
That worry, at least, was soon eliminated as Cook kicked off 2007 by racing at Orange County Speedway only a month after his Feb. 12 surgery, the 49 staples that it took to close his incision wound freshly removed just days prior. Feeling like he has a new lease on life, Cook has been on a tear ever since. He not only holds seventh in the Late Model points standings at South Boston, but thanks to the busy schedule he keeps, he is also in the running for the Whelen National Championship (he currently sits in third). Cook will try to improve his position in both standings tonight, running in the Whelen 150 at South Boston.
The road hasn’t been easy for Cook, but with the attitude that he keeps these days, anything seems possible.
“Life-wise, you see people sick and you try to coach them through it and comfort them as much as possible. But you don’t really know how bad it is until you’re on that side of the fence,” Cook said. “You live day-to-day, because you’re never promised tomorrow.
“You make the best of everything while you’re here.”

‘Living week to week’​

Born and bred in Reidsville, N.C., making the best of what he’s got has become a way of life for Cook. When he was first starting out as a racer some 20 years ago, it was never with the best equipment, and he’s always had to rely on friends and family to volunteer as his car’s crew. Basically, Cook has never had the resources to let him just concentrate on driving.
In a way, it makes him feel good to know that enough people care about him to help him like they do. But at the same time, he feels bad that he has never been able to give more back.
“As long as I’ve been racing, it’s been like that every year,” Cook said of his dire financial straits. “It’d be nice to pay my guy’s way in and maybe buy them something to eat. But I’ve never been able to do that.
“I’ve had to worry about paying my own way in.”
By that, he means being able to afford the tires and gas that it took to race at Ace Speedway on a weekly basis early in his career - a habit he keeps up with even today despite his regular appearances at South Boston.
Sometimes money was so tight that he didn’t even have the $400 it took to buy tires and gas at Ace on Fridays. There were weeks when all he had was $350 to race on. In times like those, Cook had to make sure that he won enough to cover the rest - doing whatever it took to get to the front of the field and get that payday so that he could rush to the bank first thing on Monday morning. Still, despite less than stellar equipment under him, Cook always found a way to take care of business.
“I didn’t even have what I would have called a good Limited car, and I was out there running Late Model,” Cook said of his early Ace days. “I was just getting seat time.
“You hear people say living week to week, that’s how we were racing.”

His efforts rewarded​

Eventually Cook’s efforts paid off, and he started to catch some breaks. Not big ones, but breaks nonetheless.
In 1999, Associated Fire Protection (the company that both Cook and his father work for) signed on as a sponsor, and Cook was able to begin racing at South Boston. And then, at the end of the 2003 season, Cook accepted an offer from Wayne Carter to drive the No. 14 Late Model car at the Halifax County speedway. In a way, everything seemed so different to Cook after he hooked on with Carter. But then again, so many things were still the same.
“Wayne, he’s been great to me,” Cook said. “With him, it allows me to concentrate and be a little calmer (on the track). I can take my time getting to the front instead of doing something crazy to get there quickly to win my tire money back.”
But as far as having large resources at his disposal, Cook still found himself treading familiar waters.
“Wayne is the same way,” Cook said. “We’ve got what we’ve got, but we don’t have much else extra.”
Able to afford upgrades to the car every now and again but still lacking the funding to have the luxury of practice tires, Cook did what he always does, and did the best with what he had. That mentality saw him finish consistently at South Boston (10th in 2004, 12th in 2005 and seventh in 2006), and saw him become a Late Model track champion at Ace in ’06 as well.
Cook also began to develop a name for himself, at least among his peers, as a tough but clean driver, and he also began to receive the accolades that go along with such a reputation.
“Rodney is, I think, one of the best Late Model drivers out there,” South Boston Late Model driver Jon Denning said. “He’s also one of the most underrated Late Model drivers out there.
“He has unbelievable car control, and he’s tough to race against because you can’t move him. I’ve had his rear tires off the ground coming down the back straight and still couldn’t get by him. If you pass Rodney Cook with 20 laps left to go, you’ve done something.”
Not bad for a guy just doing the best with what he has. But despite his successes on the track, life away from it was starting to take a darker turn for Cook.

The other side of the fence​

Cook’s father had already fought his bout with cancer, and lost a lung to it. His mother is still battling the disease. And along the line in 2006, Cook was forced to add one more person to that list, as Carter was diagnosed with cancer as well.
So, Cook did the only thing he could think of, which was offer Carter every ounce of support and encouragement that he could muster.
And then it got worse, when Cook finally went to the doctor in late January, only to find out that he was now in the same boat as the rest of them.
“It took me by surprise,” Cook said. “I was on the other side of the fence all last year coaching Wayne through his deal, and now I was on the same side of the fence.
“It definitely changes how you look at things.”
Cook’s early-February surgery to remove the large tumor went as well as could be expected given that he lost a chunk of muscle in the process, though it did leave him with a scar that runs from just below his left buttocks to the top of his left calf. Other than that, the procedure went off without a hitch. Cook said that his doctor determined that chemotherapy wouldn’t be necessary, and that simply monitoring his health with a chest X-ray and a MRI scan on his leg every three months would be enough.
“It may come back. It may not,” Cook said. “Death never crossed my mind in a racecar. But this, you never know how long it’s going to last.
“It’s one of those things where you go on though. You can’t let it get in your head.”
That part, however, was easier said than done.

Don’t call it a comeback​

The physical recovery wasn’t that bad at all, according to Cook. He’s a big guy, and pain was not an issue. What Cook was worried about though was not knowing whether he’d ever walk the same again, and how long it would take before he could get back in a racecar.
In his mind, there was only one way to find out.
“It’s one of those deals where it is what you make it up to be,” Cook said.
Cook’s staples were removed on March 6, and he still hadn’t mentioned a thing to his doctor about racing. Once again, Cook’s wife stepped to the forefront, forcing her husband to talk to the doctor - otherwise she wouldn’t let him race.
Cook got the go-ahead to practice, and by that Saturday, he was back in a car running in a Rolling Thunder Modified race at Orange County Speedway.
“I lit up like a little kid then,” Cook said. “(The doctor) pretty much turned me loose to try it.
“I thought those 50 laps (at Orange County) were a pretty good practice right there.”
Cook won that race, and he has continued running consistently strong since.
“That’s just how he is,” Denning said of Cook. “He’s a true racer.
“I don’t think the surgery phased him.
“I look at it like the racetrack is a therapist. When you get in that car, you don’t feel pain.”
Pain-free, Cook has gone on to rack up five top-10 finishes at South Boston in eight starts this season, including three top-five runs. That, when combined with his third-place standing in the points at Ace, and the various other NASCAR sanctioned races he has driven in this year have landed Cook third in the Whelen All-American standings (only eight points behind leader Guy Jubinville).
“It’s one of those things where we talk about it now, but I’ll forget about it later because it’s still early,” Cook said of his chances at a national championship. “I need some better finishes, and there are a lot of races left.”
That, and Cook’s other main goal this year is to win a race at SoBo. It won’t be an easy task given the roll that Adam Barker (seven straight wins) is on, but at this point, anything seems possible for Cook.
“I listen to people talk about what you have to have to perform well. But I think to myself, ‘That’s not true’” Cook said. “I think I’ve proven that to myself.
“I don’t know what it would take to beat (Barker). But, maybe we’ll be up there and it’ll be his off-night, and we’ll pick up the slack.”
Either way - first, second or last, one thing is for certain - Cook is going to do the best he can with whatever hand life deals him.

 

Fuchs -

This is a good story. I won't pick through with line-by-line edits, because -- as it's already been published -- I don't assume that's what you're going for. If you decide you're going to rewrite it, let me know and I'll offer full edits.

Here are my notes:

- I noticed a few times where you're letting commas slow the story down. You need to be careful, especially at the beginning of a story or a new section. Examples:

"For the longest time, Rodney Cook paid little mind to the knot in the back of his left thigh.
He had always had a problem with fluid buildup in his knee, and simply figured that this was just another case of a renegade fluid pocket.
Every day he expected it to go away, and every day it refused. Heck, it even began to get bigger. But it still didn’t really make for more than a blip on the radar of Cook’s daily concerns.
Between putting in 12-hour days for the sprinkler installation company he works for, spending what time he could with his wife and 5-year-old daughter and the spare time he devotes to maintaining and racing cars, there weren’t enough hours in the day for Cook to worry about that knot."
-That's six commas in your first six sentences. I think it would be stronger if you tried to cut to three, because in cutting commas you'll also cut words and phrases that weren't helping you either.

"Born and bred in Reidsville, N.C., making the best of what he’s got has become a way of life for Cook. When he was first starting out as a racer some 20 years ago, it was never with the best equipment, and he’s always had to rely on friends and family to volunteer as his car’s crew. Basically, Cook has never had the resources to let him just concentrate on driving.
In a way, it makes him feel good to know that enough people care about him to help him like they do. But at the same time, he feels bad that he has never been able to give more back."
- This is your "second lede," and again, it's dragging a bit with the commas and phrases. It's not that I think you need to get rid of every comma or phrase, but you want to pull people into your story as quick as possible.

- Your story seems a bit quote-heavy. I'm guilty of this myself sometimes, because when I have a source that I really like talking to, I assume that the reader will like talking to them too. But you need to go back through and ask, "Could I rewrite this in my own words?" That being said, you do want to keep the quotes that you think best reveal your source's voice.

"Sometimes money was so tight that he didn’t even have the $400 it took to buy tires and gas at Ace on Fridays. There were weeks when all he had was $350 to race on. In times like those, Cook had to make sure that he won enough to cover the rest - doing whatever it took to get to the front of the field and get that payday so that he could rush to the bank first thing on Monday morning."
- I think this needs more play. Show me him eating a TV dinner Tuesday-through Thursday so he could pump money into the car. Show me him racing desperately, knowing that if he didn't finish in the money his checks wouldn't clear.

“Death never crossed my mind in a racecar."
- Given that the reader (at least this one) doesn't know much if anything about this fellow, I think you need to give some idea of what kind of scale he's working with. I remember one time I was at a doctor's appointment with my dad, and a nurse asked him to describe his pain in a number from 1-10. Then she asked, "And just so we have an idea, what would be your 10?" This turned out to be a GREAT question, because my dad said, "Well, I had my wisdom teeth taken out with no novacane."

I think the reader would benefit from you asking, "What's the worst wreck you've ever been in? Had anything that had happend to you, on or off the track, prepared you to face cancer?" etc.


“It took me by surprise,” Cook said. “I was on the other side of the fence all last year coaching Wayne through his deal, and now I was on the same side of the fence."
- That's your story right there. To me, the story you wrote just touches the relationship between these guys. But I think you could have really dug in here, and asked for individual moments of support between these two down South good ol' racin' boys that would have shown EXACTLY what they are. One of them would have told you something about the other, and so you go to that guy and ask, "Is it true you did this for him?" And then you ask, "What will he did tell you, when you found out?" I think on a rewrite, I'd recommend that you really pare down this original version and try to rewrite this section as long as possible. Maybe even make the headline, "The other side of the fence."

I noticed you don't have any quotes from Carter, and so I assume he was unavailable and that this was done on deadline. I can sympathize with you there. My best advice is, when he finishes the quote about "the other side of the fence," you say, "Hang on, let me call my editor." And then you beg for another day.

That being said, this is a good story, with a nice balance of racing and non-racing stuff. And I hope you at least consider making it the jump-off point for a much longer, deeper story.

 

Thanks very much for your insight Verbal. The excessive commas are a problem that I've found myself fighting ever since I began writing.
I think the problem there is that I tend to go with a more conversational tone when I write, much like how I would actually tell someone a story, albeit with less cussing. It's a habit that I try to break, but I always end up feeling like those commas should be there just to dictate the beat. I will keep fighting the good fight on that one though.
As for the absence of quotes from Wayne Carter, the guy was in the hospital at the time I was getting info for the story, and in a pretty bad way from his own battle with cancer. Perhaps I just don't have the guts to go for the throat on something like this yet, but I couldn't bring myself to intrude upon a guy who was, quite potentially, on his deathbed.
But thanks again for your help. It's greatly appreciated.

 

Fuchs -

Welcome to the Workshop. Thanks for posting your work for us to share.

I think this is a generally solid effort. So I'm going to keep my comments brief and ask a couple of rhetorical questions:

- What is this story about?

and

- If your editor came to you the night before deadline and told you to cut the piece in half, what would you keep and what would you discard? And on what basis would you make the decision?

Thanks again for posting.