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Man card burning party, my house tonight!

Did you rent "Dumb and Dumber" AND "Dumb and Dumberer."
To not do so would be the dumb and dumberest misstep.
Women love those movies just as much as guys do. Really. Trust me.
 
Jones said:
I always like to do a bit of manscaping before a big date. I also think a three-day load is optimum, so I plan my yanks accordingly. That way, you're not so pent up you'll explode the second she touches you, but you can still impress her with your virility, and maybe have enough to draw a heart with it on her stomach.

Holy crap, that's good stuff.

Nothing says I Love You like a three-day load drawn into the shape of a heart on your girl's stomach -- or back.
 
Sounds like you have a good plan going, Jay.

Do you have enough liquor to get her good and drunk?
 
Jones said:
I always like to do a bit of manscaping before a big date. I also think a three-day load is optimum, so I plan my yanks accordingly. That way, you're not so pent up you'll explode the second she touches you, but you can still impress her with your virility, and maybe have enough to draw a heart with it on her stomach.

Or draw a moustache and goatee on her grille.

I'd say rent "Slap Shot" and "Slap Shot 2," serve cheap beer with cheez puffs for dinner (the cheap kind that leave orange shirt on your fingers for days) and have the CD player full of AC/DC and Triumph. Microwave waffles for breakfast. Suggested daytime activities: Dungeons and Dragons, video games, a trip to the porno store.
 
John said:
Jones said:
I always like to do a bit of manscaping before a big date. I also think a three-day load is optimum, so I plan my yanks accordingly. That way, you're not so pent up you'll explode the second she touches you, but you can still impress her with your virility, and maybe have enough to draw a heart with it on her stomach.

Holy crap, that's good stuff.

Nothing says I Love You like a three-day load drawn into the shape of a heart on your girl's stomach -- or back.

or ass.
 
writing irish said:
Jones said:
I always like to do a bit of manscaping before a big date. I also think a three-day load is optimum, so I plan my yanks accordingly. That way, you're not so pent up you'll explode the second she touches you, but you can still impress her with your virility, and maybe have enough to draw a heart with it on her stomach.

Or draw a moustache and goatee on her grille.

I'd say rent "Slap Shot" and "Slap Shot 2," serve cheap beer with cheez puffs for dinner (the cheap kind that leave orange shirt on your fingers for days) and have the CD player full of AC/DC and Triumph. Microwave waffles for breakfast. Suggested daytime activities: Dungeons and Dragons, video games, a trip to the porno store.

Dungeons & Dragons or Magic: The Gathering are pretty much guaranteed tickets to nookietown.
 
Jones said:
I always like to do a bit of manscaping before a big date. I also think a three-day load is optimum, so I plan my yanks accordingly. That way, you're not so pent up you'll explode the second she touches you, but you can still impress her with your virility, and maybe have enough to draw a heart with it on her stomach.

Three days?! We're trying to help the guy. That's just not realistic.
 
Philosopher said:
I think you have the completely wrong approach here. Women don't like guys who run around trying to fulfill their every whim. Buying things for women to get them to like you almost always backfires. Women don't like men who have to buy their company, directly or indirectly, because you're implicitly signaling to the girl that you can't do better than her or that you're otherwise desperate.

Instead, have confidence in yourself and your desirability, and convey that to her. Don't act like having her come over to your place is like a visit from the Queen of England. Act like you have women over all the time, even if you don't. Women want to date someone who is desirable, and when they get the sense that other women desire(d) you and that you know how to handle women, it's a big turn-on. Trying too hard makes you look too much like a beta male.

So in my opinion I'd totally tone it down. The only time I'd buy all this stuff for a woman is if we were in a serious relationship, which I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're not in, given your initial post.

The only thing I would do is make sure your place was clean and tidy, which I do as a course of habit because you never know when you'll be bringing someone home. Also hide anything embarassing, and make sure there are no smells/odors. Otherwise, just be confident and don't try too hard. You're best off making her chase after you than vice versa. At the very least, chasing too much after her reeks of desperation, which is never attractive.

Good luck.

Good. I'm glad there's some solid advice on this thread, although keeping a towel nearby for her face was certainly a nice, practical tip.

Your goal should be a place that's clean and doesn't smell. Anything beyond lighting up a vanilla-scented candle to mask the odor and chiseling the hardened marinara sauce from the inside of your microwave is probably a bit much. If you don't have a candle, just grab the pine tree air freshener from your rear-view mirror.

It's cliche but bears repeating: Act like you've been in the end zone before. Don't start gushing about you undying love and planning a life together just because you manage to get laid. And for God's sake wait until she leaves before you call your best friend to brag about it.
 
I would definitely scour the neighborhood for Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew. You are so going to get punked.

Seriously, don't forget your car. If you go to all this trouble on your abode and your car has loads of trash in the floorboard, not only will she not let you near her, she'll probably tell all her friends. Then, you're at risk of matching mikey's drought.

One final thought: Hit the logout button on SportsJournalists.com, then turn off the computer, unplug it, and remove the battery. No way do you want her knowing you solicited date advice from a bunch of loser sportswriters.
 
novelist_wannabe said:
I would definitely scour the neighborhood for Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew. You are so going to get punked.

Seriously, don't forget your car. If you go to all this trouble on your abode and your car has loads of trash in the floorboard, not only will she not let you near her, she'll probably tell all her friends. Then, you're at risk of matching mikey's drought.

One final thought: Hit the logout button on SportsJournalists.com, then turn off the computer, unplug it, and remove the battery. No way do you want her knowing you solicited date advice from a bunch of loser sportswriters.

biscuit. I was hoping he'd keep the live camera on.
 
Too bad we don't know where Jay lives.

We could all drop in on Saturday night around 10:00
 
JayFarrar said:
But I've been scouring the weekender in the paper today. Pink Floyd Laser Show!

Dude, is it at the planetarium? Can you score some weed, acid, shrooms or all three? You should totally go. Unless there's a party at the moontower that night.

Chicks dig high-quality TP. So don't steal an extra roll from the john at work, go buy some expensive Cottonelle or whichever one uses the cartoon bears shirtting in the woods in the commercials.
 

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