Need advice on ex-girlfriend

First of all, let me just cut the BS. I have broken up with this girl twice cause I was confused about my feelings. Her name is Amelia and she means the world to me. We haven't dated since last July, when I broke it off for the second time cause I'm an idiot. Let me also disclose up front that I had a semi-drinking problem, I was selfish and wasn't willing to change at the time. I also have a short fuse and always stick my foot in my mouth and say stupid shit.
With all this being said, my mind is clear now and the truth is I love her. And I don't even know where to begin to get her back. She is a very Christian lady and in fact, 10 years ago she was everything I was looking for in a woman and somehow I got sidetracked, had some bad relationships and it all went downhill from there. I have gotten away from religion but she has me believing again but I think it's too late to prove this too her. From July last year, we really didn't talk til January when I started trying to work my way back into her life. I sent her flowers and she e-mailed me immediately to say how sweet that was. We must have talked for two hours after that and I slowly started to talk about the subject of us building a friendship again and possibly more. She kept pausing and gasping and I could tell she was thinking hard about the idea and then she said she had moved on and couldn't risk being hurt again by me and she liked where her life was at now. I didn't talk to her again til March and then we started e-mailing again and at that time she informed me that she only wanted to communicate via e-mail for the time being and then revealed that she was dating someone and had fallen in love with him. Now if this is true, why would she take my phone calls about getting back together if she still didn't love me. Some of my lady friends say she is trying to make me jealous. But I don't know what to believe. Of course, I felt hurt by all this and we argued again and now she don't want to talk anymore. My question to the panel is what do you believe is the truth and how should I handle this. Should I give her some space and get in touch with her next year to see if she has cooled off and really loves me but is afraid to trust me right now. She is my soulmate.

 

Let me continue to cut the BS for you.

She knows you're interested. She apparently is no longer interested in you, at least not in "that" way. If she changes her mind, she'll let you know. Back off and don't bother her. Don't get in touch with her next year, or any time, unless she makes the next move and expresses an interest in having contact with you again.

She says she's in love with someone else, so let her be in love. Allow that relationship to progress as it will. If you really love her, if she really means the world to you, you'll step out of the picture and allow her happiness to come first. If she really loves you, she'll find her way back to you in her own time. That said, DO NOT wait for that to happen. It may never happen. Why waste time being alone/lonely/whatever?

What is boils down to is this - if you love someone set them free, yadda, yadda.....if it's meant to be, it'll find a way, yadda, yadda.....it's better to have loved and lost, yadda, yadda. They're cliches, but they're absolutely true. Good luck.

 

hack, I've got to agree with Double J on this one. Sounds like you have some friends telling you what you want to hear and that isn't helping matters.

Even if she does still have feelings for you, and it sounds like she does, that doesn't mean she wants you back. She has moved on. She says she is in love. She asked you to back off. That should be enough.

 

The ship has sailed. Time to move on and quit torturing yourself.

 

Dear Penthouse Forum:

 

It sounds like you were a dick and you blew it. I've done the same thing. Sometimes you don't get a second chance, move on.

 

If hacksaw was cutting the b.s., I shudder to think of the length of the post if he wasn't getting right to the point.

Oh, and move on.

 

Plus, think about the other guy. Would you want to be dating someone who has an ex that keeps contacting her? Would you want to be with someone who cheated on someone else with you?
Move on and maybe time will bring her back. But don't hold your breath. how's it go, the best things come when you aren't looking.

 

I understand you know you blew it and you've made some changes in your life and believe she's your soulmate. But after what you've done to her, she'll never believe you've changed if you end up getting in an argument over this all.

Basically, if you want to prove to her that you've changed, it's going to involve an awful lot of shit-eating. Are you up for it?

 

Sounds like he is, but that doesn't mean he deserves the opportunity to do it. Riddick raises a good point as well.

Sucks out loud to know you blew it with a woman who you could have had something special with. I've been there (though in my case, it was more of a missed opportunity than being a jerk). Most of us have. That doesn't mean she has to give him another shot when she has moved on.

If it helps, hack, not too long after I gave it up for good with mine, I met Mrs. OOP. And as crazy as I was for that other girl, I wouldn't change a thing.

 

Not trying to be a dick, here, but...
Hack, how much can really have changed in 10 months? People don't completely change on that span of time. You may be on the path to changing, but you simply can't be all that different than the guy you were last July.

Let her go live her life. You just keep working on change, and somewhere down the road love will happen again for you, too (with her, or with a clean slate and someone else). Just don't f*ck it up next time.

 

Yes it's going to take a lot of shit eating. I am up for it but it is going to take all the mental strength I got. I used to drink a lot and she wanted me to quit hanging with my boys so much and clean my life up. At that time last year, I wasn't ready to do that but the more I thought about and the more I hung out with my boys, I was like "what the fuck am I doing. I just gave up the best thing I ever had and for what? A fucking beer." Anyway, the drinking got to me mentally and I fucked this whole deal up. I have changed some and I am on the right track but I still have a lot of work to do. I haven't talked to her anymore. I am letting it rest but I am thinking what the hell is it going to hurt to say hello down the road in a year or two when the wounds have hopefully healed some? Otherwise, I do have a good job and life is good so I am not making this out to be the end of the world.