One of the greatest leads ever

I'm not kidding. I'm told Ebert is at his best when he really hates a movie. Well, honest to god, this lead gives me goosebumps.

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.

(Here's the rest. It's simply great stuff.)

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090623/REVIEWS/906239997

 

God I love Roger Ebert.

 

That gave you goosebumps? Really?

 

Yep. In its genre, it's simply great writing, he doesn't slow down from there, and he sustains it all the way to the end.

Not every goose-bump inducing lead has to be about a junior quarterback whose best friend died in a car accident last March but will try to carry on in his memory and lead State U to that elusive national championship, after which he will head to the NFL and, with his $11 million signing bonus, endow a medical school in his friend's name.

 

Remind me not to get on Ebert's bad side. I would hate for him to write my obit.

 

I never said that. I just thought the lede was OK; certainly not enough to generate goosebumps.

But I'm glad you enjoyed it. The review was entertaining. And scathing enough to make me reconsider seeing it in the theater.

 

Well, Ryan, I guess we're just on different goosebump levels.

 

Agree with you, SF. Lots of people can do pathos as goosebumpy, since it mostly writes itself. But utter disdain and contempt, mixed with humor, is trickier to pull off.

I initially thought, after that first graf, would it really be necessary for Ebert to continue? Couldn't he just string a bunch of annoying phonetic sound effects below it, to simulate what suffering through the movie felt like? But then I read the review and, shazzam, he does indeed sustain it.

Ebert has a book out of his four-star reviews. I'd like to read one that has nothing but his no-star or half-star reviews.

 

Yeah, I read this review yesterday. Great, great writing. I feel like if I tried those Faust references it would come off as blabbering hyperbole, but man alive, does he pull it off.

 

That sounds completely creepy.

 

To wit:

The movie has been signed by Michael Bay. This is the same man who directed "The Rock" in 1996. Now he has made "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Faust made a better deal.

 

It would probably help Ebert to be about half his current age to be able to enjoy the movie. His kids probably grew up with the toys, not him. It's a cartoon come to life. I don't see why critics can't comprehend this. THIS MOVIE IS FOR MY 12-YEAR OLD INNERCHILD! Derrr
My wife and I went last afternoon. Long? Yes. Good? Not really? Worth going to see? If you are a Transformers fan, yes!
And, Megan Fox in Daisy Dukes bent over a chopper. Need I say more?