Only child?

[User 1019]

My brother is 10 years younger, and I thought of him as a pest for many years. He's probably part of the reason I moved out of the house as early as I did. Now, we're really, really close since were both adults -- although we're geographically separated.

My wife and I, given the lifestyle we've chosen, are pretty much forced to have several kids. They'll have to rely on each other for friendship, given that we'll be moving every two years, or so. They won't have time to make really close friends.

 

[You're With Me Leather]

W-B,
In a similar situation as you -- my daughter is four and wants very much to be a big sister. Difference with us is that she will be come spring.
In all the talk the wife and I had about whether to try for a second, not once did it come up about our daughter being an only child and how that might affect her. Having a second kid so the first isn't an only doesn't seem like a very good reason.

 

[wickedwritah]

I think onlies have to wedge their way into adult conversations a lot of the time and might be at risk for some difficulties socializing with their own.

FotF,

I think it's imperative that a parent takes the social aspect into consideration. This will affect how one's life goes well beyond their childhood years.

Just my two cents,
Wick

 

[Dyno]

I'm an only and up until very recently (I'm 39), I loved it. I never asked for siblings as a child - I liked the peace and quiet of my house, as opposed to the barely controlled chaos of my friends' houses. I loved being around adults and my parents brought me everywhere. People have always said to me "you don't seem like an only child" because I guess I don't fit the stereotype - I know how to share and I don't think the world revolves around me. I've always had lots of friends and those friendships are long-term and deep (two of close friends I've known since kindergarten). My extended family is pretty small, and although I have cousins, I am only close to a couple of them. (Interestingly, instead of expanding with each generation, both sides of my family have contracted - lots of people with no kids or just 1.)

The reason I say I've liked it until recently is that my parents, with whom I am extremely close, are obviously aging. The older I get, the closer I know I am to being, ultimately, alone.

Feel free to PM me. I did a paper on only children in college and did lots of research.

 

[finishthehat]

I'm one of five kids, but our son's an only child. I think there are no generalities to be made, though. Everyone's different.

Although Tom Wolfe would disagree....I remember The Right Stuff having a riff about how many of the early astronauts were only child(ren) -- something about "King Baby" being the cheered-on, doted-upon focus of their parents, and that's what gave them the ego needed to be test pilots.

 

[imjustagirl2]

My younger brother was essentially an only child.

Five years younger than me, he was the attractive one, the athletic one, the funny one. He got the attention from my mom, and my dad went to every one of his games. My band concerts? My dad never went to one in four years.

Yet, I've carved out a pretty good career for myself, traveling and making the kind of money I'd only dreamed of when I decided to go into journalism. Never gotten more than a parking ticket. My brother, on the other hand, owes every member of our family money, verbally abuses his girlfriends, spent five consecutive weekends in jail for stealing a book from the university bookstore, keeps getting fired, is nearly 27 and only a junior in college (been going every semester since he was 18) and insults every member of his family.

But guess who gets the attention "because he needs it more?"

So yeah, if you have more than one kid? Try not to be QUITE so obvious about which is your favorite.

 

[BTExpress]

It has been a long time since I was 4, and I admit my memory of that age is, well, gone, but . . .

. . . I do not believe a 4-year-old is capable of knowing --- really knowing --- that they want a sibling.

What point of reference do they have to come to that decision? And today's "I want a brother" could be tomorrow's "I wish you had never been born!"

 

[old_tony]

I'm an only and up until very recently (I'm 39), I loved it. I never asked for siblings as a child - I liked the peace and quiet of my house, as opposed to the barely controlled chaos of my friends' houses. I loved being around adults and my parents brought me everywhere. People have always said to me "you don't seem like an only child" because I guess I don't fit the stereotype - I know how to share and I don't think the world revolves around me. I've always had lots of friends and those friendships are long-term and deep (two of close friends I've known since kindergarten). My extended family is pretty small, and although I have cousins, I am only close to a couple of them. (Interestingly, instead of expanding with each generation, both sides of my family have contracted - lots of people with no kids or just 1.)

The reason I say I've liked it until recently is that my parents, with whom I am extremely close, are obviously aging. The older I get, the closer I know I am to being, ultimately, alone.

Feel free to PM me. I did a paper on only children in college and did lots of research.

Dyno, that's a compelling post. Unlike you, I was lucky enough to be one of five (one older brother (48, I'm 47), two younger brothers (45 and 44) and a sister (36). We all still live relatively close to each other and the parent. Mom and Dad are 70 and 68 and I don't expect them to be departing soon, but I recognize they won't be around forever. Having the brothers and sisters around will make that time much easier. I hope you at least have cousins and aunts and uncles around. Family is family.

As an aside to write-brained. Only children also miss out on the joy of nieces and nephews.

 

[outofplace]

I'm an only and up until very recently (I'm 39), I loved it. I never asked for siblings as a child - I liked the peace and quiet of my house, as opposed to the barely controlled chaos of my friends' houses. I loved being around adults and my parents brought me everywhere. People have always said to me "you don't seem like an only child" because I guess I don't fit the stereotype - I know how to share and I don't think the world revolves around me. I've always had lots of friends and those friendships are long-term and deep (two of close friends I've known since kindergarten). My extended family is pretty small, and although I have cousins, I am only close to a couple of them. (Interestingly, instead of expanding with each generation, both sides of my family have contracted - lots of people with no kids or just 1.)

The reason I say I've liked it until recently is that my parents, with whom I am extremely close, are obviously aging. The older I get, the closer I know I am to being, ultimately, alone.

Feel free to PM me. I did a paper on only children in college and did lots of research.

Dyno, that's a compelling post. Unlike you, I was lucky enough to be one of five (one older brother (48, I'm 47), two younger brothers (45 and 44) and a sister (36). We all still live relatively close to each other and the parent. Mom and Dad are 70 and 68 and I don't expect them to be departing soon, but I recognize they won't be around forever. Having the brothers and sisters around will make that time much easier. I hope you at least have cousins and aunts and uncles around. Family is family.

As an aside to write-brained. Only children also miss out on the joy of nieces and nephews.

So much for that little bit of preachiness above being all you had to say....

 

[old_tony]

I'm an only and up until very recently (I'm 39), I loved it. I never asked for siblings as a child - I liked the peace and quiet of my house, as opposed to the barely controlled chaos of my friends' houses. I loved being around adults and my parents brought me everywhere. People have always said to me "you don't seem like an only child" because I guess I don't fit the stereotype - I know how to share and I don't think the world revolves around me. I've always had lots of friends and those friendships are long-term and deep (two of close friends I've known since kindergarten). My extended family is pretty small, and although I have cousins, I am only close to a couple of them. (Interestingly, instead of expanding with each generation, both sides of my family have contracted - lots of people with no kids or just 1.)

The reason I say I've liked it until recently is that my parents, with whom I am extremely close, are obviously aging. The older I get, the closer I know I am to being, ultimately, alone.

Feel free to PM me. I did a paper on only children in college and did lots of research.

Dyno, that's a compelling post. Unlike you, I was lucky enough to be one of five (one older brother (48, I'm 47), two younger brothers (45 and 44) and a sister (36). We all still live relatively close to each other and the parent. Mom and Dad are 70 and 68 and I don't expect them to be departing soon, but I recognize they won't be around forever. Having the brothers and sisters around will make that time much easier. I hope you at least have cousins and aunts and uncles around. Family is family.

As an aside to write-brained. Only children also miss out on the joy of nieces and nephews.

So much for that little bit of preachiness above being all you had to say....

Thanks for checking in. Quite a contribution.

 

[outofplace]

I'm an only and up until very recently (I'm 39), I loved it. I never asked for siblings as a child - I liked the peace and quiet of my house, as opposed to the barely controlled chaos of my friends' houses. I loved being around adults and my parents brought me everywhere. People have always said to me "you don't seem like an only child" because I guess I don't fit the stereotype - I know how to share and I don't think the world revolves around me. I've always had lots of friends and those friendships are long-term and deep (two of close friends I've known since kindergarten). My extended family is pretty small, and although I have cousins, I am only close to a couple of them. (Interestingly, instead of expanding with each generation, both sides of my family have contracted - lots of people with no kids or just 1.)

The reason I say I've liked it until recently is that my parents, with whom I am extremely close, are obviously aging. The older I get, the closer I know I am to being, ultimately, alone.

Feel free to PM me. I did a paper on only children in college and did lots of research.

Dyno, that's a compelling post. Unlike you, I was lucky enough to be one of five (one older brother (48, I'm 47), two younger brothers (45 and 44) and a sister (36). We all still live relatively close to each other and the parent. Mom and Dad are 70 and 68 and I don't expect them to be departing soon, but I recognize they won't be around forever. Having the brothers and sisters around will make that time much easier. I hope you at least have cousins and aunts and uncles around. Family is family.

As an aside to write-brained. Only children also miss out on the joy of nieces and nephews.

So much for that little bit of preachiness above being all you had to say....

Thanks for checking in. Quite a contribution.

I contributed my opinion earlier in the thread, and I did it without trying to lay more guilt on the guy. Sounds like he already has plenty of people doing that in the offline world.

 

[Write-brained]

As an aside to write-brained. Only children also miss out on the joy of nieces and nephews.

I have nephews and nieces. The experience is way overrated.

I'm 99 percent sure we're not having another. Not intentionally anyway. We're a two-income family out of necessity. Another baby would mean one less income with one more mouth. My wife would have to quit her job for at least a year or two, and then to come back would mean daycare. I just can't afford it.

I just give the idea a lot of thought because the window is closing and I want what's best for my kid. Obviously she's not at the age of where she knows what's best for my family :, and I wouldn't have another just to have another. Part of me would likes the thought of a baby, but that's not the realistic side.

I'm thankful for the comments, because they did give me some insight into what I need to do as a parent. I need to do a better job surrounding her with friends and I need to create a stable living environment. We've moved three times in her four years. (Not this year, though, we just re-signed a lease.)

A couple of you missed my point about there already being too many unloved kids. I've covered so many dead kids that I can't take it anymore. It physically hurts. My wife and I have talked repeatedly about taking some of the time, energy and money we would invest into a new kid and invest that into a kid who's not getting the love he or she needs now. We already do a little bit, but we could do much more.

Thanks.