People in my office suck

So I work in a very small office, like six people. The news reporter has a god awful cough though. I mean GOD AWFUL. It's been going on, oh, 3 months or so now. I mean, just hacks up a lung each and every day. He's young -- like 25 (so am I) -- and has a number of other "weird" problems that make him crappy to share a small office with (S-H-O-W-E-R. Just try it, buddy. Just once. Also, are you going to leave that long black trench coat on until May? Because I haven't seen it come off since Sept.)

Anyway, I have to not only bring an Ipod and headphones, but crank it up as loud as I can just to have a chance of shutting out this guy. It is amazing. I just want to turn around and scream "FIX IT OR DIE ALREADY."

Crap, a co-worker even bought and left two bags of cough drops on his desk ... message doesn't appear to have been received, however.

So ... help me survive and tell me some of your worst office stories.

 

I actually had a similar experience at my first job at a weekly. Guy was much older, though. Think Milton from Office Space.

 

ok not to defend your dirtbag coworker but do you work for a small shop that has shitty health insurance and doesn't give sick days?

 

No, it's a weekly, but we have a parent paper that's really good about that stuff — good insurance and everything. My boss was saying the guy can't actually be "told" to go to a doctor or anything though, at least not by the boss. He's not loaded (I wouldn't think), but I make enough to afford the doc if I really need it, so I'm sure he does as well. Not like he wastes any money on shampoo, either.

 

Does he smoke? Because that might be the problem, I know during the winter months I get the big smoker's hack going for days on end, though I don't think I've ever had one for three months.

 

He doesn't smoke tobacco. I can't vouch for anything else. I wouldn't use the term "pot head" or "hippy," but he totally has that blank stare. He's like a cross between a sack of potatoes, a hippy and a mold infestation -- covered by black coat.

I could go on for pages about his "journalistic" exploits, (a blurry photo from 9 months ago? Lets run it six-columns wide to fill this hole!) but this is strictly about his cough and how much it sucks to be near him.

 

Pilot,

Guys don't go to the doctor. They go to the hospice.

 

At a former job, I worked with a woman who was morbidly obese. I mean easily 500 pounds.

It wasn't glandular either. Every day, she come in with two filled grocery bags for her lunch.

On top of that, she was incredibly slow. She spend half the day in court, and would not turn in a three-graf staff report until 7-8 p.m.

 

Paper or plastic?

 

Depended on where she went. Sometimes paper, sometimes plastic.

 

Also had trouble going to her left and shooting off the dribble.

 

Two paper sacks would be impressive. Plastic ... eh, not so much.