Reality TV -- It pays to know me.

So last night I'm watching Last Comic Standing when I notice that one of the comedians who makes the final 12 (now 10) is a guy who I was decent friends with for a short time when I was at a JUCO in KC. Chris Porter was funny as shit then, and he's funnier now.
Combine that with the fact that I had a passing relationship with Mike Hall at Missouri, and apparently, I'm the key to Reality Show success.
In all seriousness, Chris Porter is a badass. If you watch the show, he's the tall dude with the mop. Whenever you care to cast a vote, feel free to keep him on the show. Some of his best stuff is still in the can.

 

Well then for god's sake, flush it!

{/ba-zing!}

 

Since you brought it up, a tasteless joke for you.

A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk a long a
country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, his
lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky
when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to
take a piss."

Slightly taken a back by this vulgarity, he suggests she go
behind this hedge. She nods agreement and disappears behind the
hedge. As he waits, he can hear the sound of tight nylon
knickers rolling down voluptuous legs and imagines what is
being exposed.

Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he
reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg.
He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly
and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick
appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My
goodness, Mary, have you changed your sex!"

"No," she replies, "I've changed my mind. I'm taking a shit
instead."

 

Little Johnny came running into the house crying his eyes out and cradling
his hand. "Mommy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!" he wailed.
"Why do you want a glass of cider?" asked mom.
"I pricked my hand on a thorn, and I want the pain to go away," said Little
Johnny.
Confused, but weary of the child's whining, the mother obliged and poured
him a glass of cider. Little Johnny immediately dunked his hand in it. "Ouch!
It still hurts! This cider doesn't work!" whined Little Johnny.
"What are you talking about?" asked his increasingly perplexed parent.
"Well I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her
hand, she can't wait to get it in cider!"

 

Touche...one more, then I'm going back to work...

A man is driving down a country road when he sees a sign,
"Apples $5.00 each." Intrigued to find out why an apple should
cost that much, he stops and asks the farmer why the apples
are so expensive.

The farmer says, "These are special peanut butter and jelly
apples. Here, try one."

The man takes a bite and says, "Unbelievable; I taste the
peanut butter but not the jelly."

The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does and he savors a
sweet jelly.

The farmer says, "I've got ham and cheese apples, too, but
they're $10.00 each."

The man is excited, buys one, takes a bite and says, "Wow,
these are great but I taste the ham but not the cheese."

The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does, takes a bite and
a rich, creamy cheese taste fills his mouth.

The farmer says, "N ow, if you really like those, I've got
some very special apples that cost $50.00 each. They're pussy
apples."

The man cannot resist and buys one. He takes a bite and says,
"YUCK, these taste like shit!"

The farmer says, "Turn it around."