RIP Aaron Spelling

I would just like to add a couple of words to these heartfelt condolences:

Herve Villachaize....

I'm sorry, this is just hard. I need a moment.

 

--If you are a Harvard grad with a major oil inheritance you should become a yacht handyman to stay grounded
--If you are a dorky professor with a smoking hot wife, she will fuck the freshman guy that's tutoring your favorite basketball player
--If you decide to run a campaign with Brandon Walsh, you'll die
--If you fucked the cute high school freshman in forest, she'll hold a grudge until she's a freshman in college...and then let you fuck her again.
--If your inner city high school was part of gang violence after a football game, Brandon Walsh will invite you to his school's dance
--If you've run up a crazy gambling debt in high school, Nat will bail you out
--If you are an AV dork but your dad marries the popular girl's mom, you will immediately get accepted in the cool group and could possibly date the popular girl's best friend.
--If you tried to date Donna Martin during or after her junior year, her ex-boyfriend will try to sue you.
--If you've gotten caught up in a drug-dealing sting, call Dylan
--If you've gotten caught up in a tift with a few drag racers, call Dylan
--If you're girlfriend has recently joined a cult led by a crazy former professor confined to a wheelchair, call Dylan

 

The man who put Shelley Hack on a TV show.
Purgatory awaits, Aaron.

 

How did you know I was white?

I'd also add this:

--Fraternal twins who are brother and sister won't look remotely like they even come from the same family.

 

Let's not forget Aaron's one attempt at daytime — Sunset Beach. Never mind that he brought daytime sensibilities to nighttime, or that Sunset Beach was his chance to foist Randy on the world. It also gave us a nice, long look at Kelly Hu, and for that I thank him.

As you were...

 

My favorite, (and it even applies to our line of work):

-- If you are the editor of the HS student newspaper and there's a "legacy key" break-in and computer grade-fixing scheme at school, the principal and cops will let you tag along for the investigation, and even push you if you are confined to a wheelchair!

 

Don't forget that the professor in the wheelchair with his own lexicon is secretly starting a cult.

And If you're Brandon Walsh, the school president will be kissing your ass by your sophomore year.

Or if you're Steve, and starting to bald, a never-ending parade of smoking hot women will mysteriously appear in your life, until you knock up the large-breasted Asian.

 

Wow, the depth of knowledge on the late Mr. Spelling is truly amazing.

And I thought I needed a life ...