Rocker and Irvin: Together forever

I looked around and didn't see this linked anywhere, though it has been up on deadspin most of the day. It's a great interview and I damn near died laughing. John Rocker .. for a second I'd think "Man ... maybe he got a bad rep" then the next second he talked about his black girlfriend again.

Sorry if I'm way late on this, but I thought there was some stuff too good to pass up.

Here's the link

http://www.deadspin.com/sports/baseball/our-interview-with-john-rocker-221509.php


Here's some highlights:

And you two met when she was interviewing you? Because I want to make it clear that I'm not hitting on either one of you.

Yeah, all of her questions were, "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Would you like my number?" I just looked down her shirt, saw what I needed to see and moved on. (Laughs.) I took a leap of faith, because she had a long coat on, and she could have had big birthin' hips or something.

I see.

But I found her, and here we are. The hips are fine.

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How far along with the book are you?

I've got about 70 pages written. I've put it on hold for a bit until I find a publisher. When the deal is done, I'll finish it up over the course of the next couple of months. That's the thing, though: When people have an agenda, that's all that matters. Jeff Pearlman is who he is: A liberal Jew from New York. He's one of their own, who spent a couple of hours with me, pulled things out of context, and you're trying to create a persona of an individual when you don't know them. You look at Michael Irvin, and Michael's a friend of mine -

You're friends with Michael Irvin? Really?

Yeah.

I would like to watch you two talk to one another.

He's a very nice guy. I see him at a lot of parties. Anyway, it's not like when he goes on to do his morning show, people don't call him the crackhead womanizer, though he's been caught twice with cocaine and prostitutes. I've heard from people who have worked with him on movie sets that it's not a once-in-a-while type of thing, that it's more of a lifestyle thing. So I sit back amazed that people still don't give me any slack on it.

I'm not sure how long your friendship with Michael Irvin is going to last.

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If it hadn't been for the story, you might have stayed in Atlanta.

Yeah. [Braves general manager] John Schuerholz traded me. He's a real asshole. I'm gonna absolutely crucify him in my book. The credibility that guy receives for the Atlanta Braves dynasty ... he is an imbecile. Every player who took that team to the playoffs were people who were already there. All his good acquisitions were no-brainers. Scheurholz tries to take all the credit, but he's a complete moron. It's amazing he gets so much credit for it. We had a bad arbitration case, he and I. He just sat there and motherfucked me to death, you suck, you're horrible, and I lost the case. I never spoke to him again. He'd walk right by me and say, "Hi, John," and I'd just ignore him. He has the worst case of Little Man Syndrome I've ever met. He's about 5-foot-5. He's a piece of shit.

 

Oops, forget this tidbit, from Rocker, about South Park:

"My favorite show is South Park, and those guys are probably liberals, they're from Canada, but their perception is that the South is dumb, ignorant hicks. They don't see it as the cultural center that it really is. The liberal side of things, they try to pin the South as the racist place in the world."

 

Holy shit, that was fucking HILARIOUS.

And in a we're laughing AT you, not we're laughing WITH you kind of way.

I love how he threw Irvin under the bus. "It's really more of a lifestyle thing with him."

I'm sure John Scheurholz is quaking in his boots at the thought of Rocker crushing him in his book.

Props to rocker though for congratulating Deadspin dude on the Cardinals. I guess he can read.

 

I must have missed all those South Park episodes set in Dixie. Or is Colorado now the South? (And we won't bother telling Rocker about Parker and Stone being interviewed by Reason magazine. "Libertarian" is way too long a word for Mr. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy to handle.)

 

Rocker and Irvin. There's two faces on the Rushmore of sports embarrassments.

 

So if Scheurholz finds something inaccurate in Rocker's book and sues him for libel, Johnny might be screwed -- "I'm gonna crucify him' could show actual malice.

 

I don't think that's what "malice" means in this context. It means "wreckless disregard for the truth." Your opinion on the subject is irrelevant. At least I think.

 

First, he has to find a publisher, I think. While it would seem someone would be stupid enough to do it, it doesn't sound like he has taken care of that part yet. This guy is clearly stable enough to ensure that'll happen ... wait a sec ....

It's not like half the plots aren't VERY VERY Colorado, i.e., they go to Denver, they go to Aspen, they LIVE IN THE MOUNTAINS. They go to that giant Mexican place. They go to an Avs game at the Pepsi Center. They cheer for the Broncos ...

And I think one of them is a Republican, the other Libertarian. Either way, they aren't Liberal, and they usually find a way to skate right down the middle of a tricky issue. How on Earth can it be your favorite show and that crap NOT be noticed?

It's ok though, she didn't have big birthin' hips. The world will keep spinning.

 

And Page 2 joins the fray, as Jeff Pearlman responds there to Rocker's comment in the Deadspin article that, "Jeff Pearlman is who he is: A liberal Jew from New York. He's one of their own, who spent a couple of hours with me, pulled things out of context, and you're trying to create a persona of an individual when you don't know them Pearlman."

Fun, fun!

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=pearlman/061214

 

Euthanasia would be the wisest course of action with John Rocker.

 

Interesting response from Pearlman....but hard to understand why he would bother to respond to this complete nincompoop. As he says, Rocker has been attacking him for years, and has said worse things than calling him a liberal Jew. I can't think of a better response than to simply say, 'John Rocker says more about himself than I ever could.' Why the rage now?

 

Although there are certainly others deserving of Rushmore treatment, these two would take up two spots each with their egos instead of needing four faces.