SJ.COM All-purpose dating thread

Very similar to something I went through, except that I flew to NY to see the girl, then drove 6 hours to see her again a few weeks later. Everything seemed great, until she suddenly stopped returning phone calls and texts. After a week of that she said it was over. Found out later that she told people she didn't think I really liked her that much. Because, of course, I routinely book flights to see girls that I don't really like that much....

 

Dre... sorry about that. Girls can be really complicated, especially at this age.

OK, so... I'll just jump right into this. I'm 22 and the woman I'm interested in is apparently in her mid-30s. She looks like she's in her mid-to-late 20s. We went to a game the other night, not as a date, but as a group outing with other friends, and I think we hit it off well (not outstanding, but well is a fair adjective).

I think the age difference is a good thing because, mentally, I'm not 22. I'm done with college, employed and pretty much on my own. I don't have much interest in dating a girl my age because it seems like unless they're already in a relationship, they only want to play around. Which is fine. They're young, they've got their entire life to find someone. Have some "fun." Being a toy doesn't really do it for me.

I think she understands that I'm not just some kid, so that's a good thing. It seems like she feels younger than her age, so maybe, mentally, we meet in the middle? She lives in a different part of the state, but visits here often, and I'll be down there a few times, too. She's really cool, and seems to have what I'm looking for in a girl. I've had a couple friends who have made long-distance relationships work, but they say it's hard, something I'm not doubting. How should I go about this, with the age and geographic differences, or is it just too much trouble?

Thanks... I don't really post often, but I read a lot. You all (well, most of you) are pretty cool.

 

Agreed. Have you told this guy about your frustrations, Wenders? Maybe he'll get a clue when he finds out his 'too cool for school' routine isn't having the desired effect.

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Giving up: Don't think I'm at that point yet, but I can see it from here. I was always under the impression that the dating process was supposed to be fun.

 

OK, guys, I know being long-term married automatically disqualifies me in some of your eyes from having an opinion on this, but here goes:

This is the easy part.

You are supposed to be spending your time now going out to dinner, getting laid, going to the movies, getting laid, going out dancing and getting laid.

Every hour you are spending with someone who can't get their act together enough to manage that much is truly wasted.

You really don't want them to be the person who has your back when real life intrudes.

 

Great advice.

I've wasted more than my share of time with women who weren't 'available' for one reason or another.

It should be relatively easy when you first meet someone. If you have to fight for attention or affection or their time, it probably wasn't meant to be.

Nobody should settle for less.

 

I didn't necessarily think it would be fun, but somehow I thought it would be something more than a barren wasteland of psycho hosebeasts and seemingly normal women who love to play mind games.

 

Now I can't get him to call me back. Oh, and he never formally asked me out.

And before you guys tell me to ask HIM out, this is my thoughts on that: a really good friend of mine had a yardstick for this kind of thing: if he's a guy I can see myself with, I'll make the time for him and I'll actively try to make him interested.

I'm not sure I can see myself with him. So if he doesn't make any sort of concerted effort here, I'll just move on. But as of right now, he's not giving me any reason to clear out space in my life for him.

 

If you're not sure you can see yourself with him, why are you bothering worrying about it? Seems to me your actions don't line up with what you're saying.

 

Bingo.

 

Agreed. Time to just let him go if she's not interested.

 

The other day I was joking around with one of the guys I work with about how I thought one of the girls here was rather attractive. So my buddy was talking to her and I guess my name came up ("Hey, Ross thinks you are hot" effin big mouth). She told him that I should ask her out sometime.

Feels a little 6th gradeish but whatever.

 

It's shocking how well being honest works with women.