Story concepts that need to die

Maybe this has been discussed before. I don't know. Anyway, the anniversary stories discussion in another thread got me thinking about other story concepts that newspapers need to retire forever.

I'll start. Some nominees:

1. The "old lady has a huge collection of ____" story.
Does anybody, anywhere, give the smallest shit about this?

2. The "Hey, this football school has a good basketball team. Let's quote the football coach, hyuck, hyuck" story.
Tell me something I don't already know.

3. The "Joe Dipshit is playing a game in his home state" story.
Who gives a rip?

4. The "revenge game" story.
Of course they want to win the game. Don't they always?

Also, in general, news side does way too many stories just because they got a press release about something. Ask yourself, is this interesting? Does anybody need to know this? Does anybody outside the group that sent me this release care?

 

5. What the child who was abducted and forced to live in a tent and bear her kidnapper's children missed during her captivity column.

 

6. The "sisters/brothers/cousins on same team who have awful disease/drug habit/wounded in drive-by shooting" story.

 

... which is related to
7. The "player who's dedicating the game/season to his mother/father/grandparent who recently passed away" story.

"I wish Mom/Dad/Grandma could have been here, but wherever he/she is, I know he/she was watching," said Joe Blow.

 

8. "Sports will help us heal from tragedy."
Last week, some shortstop got a hit and set his team's career hits record. The team's radio announcers actually said something to this effect: "It's good that he got the hit on Sept. 11 because it will give people a happy reason to remember Sept. 11."

 

9. The "we need something with art for A1, this thing should have good art, let's do a story on it" story.
10. The heartbreaker "there but for the grace of God," thumbsucker. Apparently the WashPo spiked a story about someone who lost all their limbs.

 

Damn. I had the over on this one.

 

11. What drunks at the bar have to say about the big game while watching it on TV.

 

12. Hey, this team was really bad last year, but it's really good this year! Usually includes lazy transition like, altogether now, "What a difference a year makes."

 

So, so true.

 

13. Girls playing on a boys team.
14. The who gets what for Christmas column.

 

15. Stories that focus on what the blogosphere is saying about something.