The Five Songs You Never-Ever Wanna Hear Again

First Rule: Please, always respect the mandate: Five songs, just five songs.
Never go beyond that, and never cop out with an add-on list or sidejack, either.

Second Rule: Never-ever violate First Rule.
If in doubt, read First Rule again. Five songs, and five songs ONLY!
Always fine if you wanna explain your five hated songs, though.

Only Other Rule: Songs only, please.
Just the songs. Worst Albums and Collective Works can be someone else's threads.

So, anyway, as for me ....

1. "The Reflex," Duran Duran.
Truly the worst song ever, and nothing else ever comes close.

2. "Sometimes When We Touch," Dan Hill.
Truly the worst song ever, until Duran Duran showed up.

3." I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)," Meat Loaf.
Hey, fuck you, Pork Tits. You never even told us what the fuck it was!

4. "Heartache Tonight," Eagles
Who the hell wrote that shit? Better yet: Why did you write that shit?

5. "Total Eclipse of the Heart," Bonnie Tyler.
And everything else she ever put on the radio, too.

 

Stairway to Heaven
Sweet Home Alabama
Dust in the Wind
Cat’s in the Cradle
Open Arms

 

“Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani
“The Sweet Escape” by Gwen Stefani
“Sweet Caroline” by anybody, but particularly Fenway Park fans. The Neil Diamond version sucks too.
“You’re Having My Baby” by Paul Anka
and the Worst Song Ever:
“Him” by Rupert Holmes

 

Piano Man
American Pie
Don't Go Breaking My Heart
The Joker
You Shook Me All Night Long

 

1, Wonderwall (there are 30+ Oasis songs I can listen to on a loop)
2, (Everything I Do) I Do It For You by Bryan Adams

I'll come back to add 3 to 5 after more thought ...

 

Just a note and an aside for No. 3. They do say what he won’t do. The woman says, “Sooner or later, you’ll be screwing around.” And Pork Tits says, “I won’t do that.”

Also, the 12-minute version of the song literally saved my ass a couple of times when I was a college radio DJ when I’d have to go and take a shit during my show. God bless Pork Tits.

Anyhoo, my list:

1. Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime. (‘Nuff said)

2. If I Just Lay Here. (Whenever I hear this, I just want to scream, “So just fucking lay there. Why do you have to sing about it?)

3. Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This. (It just annoys me that the word “this” is pronounced as “thee-iz”, for some reason)

4. Kiss By A Rose (Overplayed on the radio, and annoying as hell)

5. “Never Gonna Give You Up” (Yes, it’s now used for some funny pranks, but it sucks)

 

The great thing about digital music services is that I don’t ever have to hear songs I don’t like.

 

5. Party in the USA
4. Pina Colada song
3. Alfie
2. Disco Duck
1. You Light Up My Life

 

Cue up rickrolling threat/joke ...

 

I gave a test to a class full of freshmen last week, and I posted on our class site a file called "Test Answers - DO NOT POST." It was a link to Never Gonna Give You Up. I left it up a couple of days then removed it. No one said anything. No idea if anyone clicked on it or not, but I enjoyed my little joke.

 

I don't know - The Bionic Woman goes undercover at a beauty pageant? The captions/bad translation almost make this comically watchable.

 

Well played, sir!