The Internet dating world is a cesspool

[TrooperBari]

And allow me to deliver a rant about eHarmony. Maybe seven or eight years ago I tried to sign up with them, and went through their whole personality profile survey they have you do when you register. 45 minutes of my life that I'll never get back. At the end of the process, the site gave me a message saying they've analyzed my responses and determined that they don't feel they can match me with anyone. It said they feel it's more honest to tell people that than it is to take their money when they feel they can't help you.

Well, that's very noble and all. But it made me feel undateable. And heck, maybe that's true. I can laugh at myself. But it really did make me feel like shirt. Probably two or three years later I finally read that they reject a certain percentage of people, and it may have to do with your answers to religion or whether you're divorced (which I am). I guess it didn't like my answers, because I got rejected. But the damage was done as far as I was concerned.

I forget where I read it, but I seem to recall reading somewhere that eHarmony will also reject your profile if the survey returns any indication of depression.
http://digg.com/newsbar/topnews/Why_eHarmony_rejected_you

Your reaction is perfectly understandable; I felt much the same when eHarmony told me to take a hike. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say it's useless -- clearly there are plenty of success stories out there -- but it hasn't worked for me and, to be honest, it only gets more and more difficult to muster up the energy to jump back in again.

Not that it makes me feel especially proud to say this, but if I'm paying $20 to $40 a month for a dating site, then I kind of hope they screen out the depressed people. How are you going to be attractive to other people if you don't even like yourself that much? From their perspective, I imagine it's more desirable to just give people the boot right at sign-up, as opposed to fleecing them for a couple months membership when your computer algorithm suggests that there is no chance they'll find a good match on your site. (To put it into terms from earlier in the thread: I'd rather just have a girl say she's not interested in me than giving me the "let's be friends!" spiel.)

Assuming, of course, there are no false positives and everyone taking the survey is in their everyday frame of mind when doing so.

 

[YankeeFan]

So, do they let you try again, a few months down the road?

Though, I guess maybe you wouldn't want to...

 

[BDC99]

I've tried eHarmony, and I don't recall having to be approved. They just took my money and gave me free rein of the joint. Maybe they aren't doing this screening process anymore. I would not recommend eHarmony, however. The questions you have to answer back and forth before you even can start e-mailing each other are maddening.

 

[leo1]

This thread is fascinating to me. I'm married. Marriage on the rocks. It may not last because of blah blah blah no one cares, leo1. But if it ended my whole life is my marriage. I have no friends ouside the marriage -- ie dads of my kids' friends, shirt like that. I have no real family (pre marriage) and neither does my wife (it's a long story ). So if or when the marriage ends I literally have no idea how I'd meet people. That's why I'm interested in online dating. I'm not a weirdo but I guess I'm socially awkward and wouldn't have the slightest idea how to approach a stranger at a bar, coffee shop or any other setting.

And versatile is right. When I skim dating sites I automatically knock her down a few pegs if the writing sounds like she's a 10 year old. Surprisingly on jdate most profiles contain few errors...

 

[Versatile]

Oh, and if you're looking for dating profiles with impeccable grammar, you've eliminated 90 percent of the online dating pool. ;D

I'm persnickety enough that there would be almost no chance I would even remotely like anyone outside that 10 percent window anyway.

 

[dreunc1542]

I've actually found quite a few women in my area who have the same criteria. They usually put at the bottom of their profile that they won't return messages to anyone who uses poor grammar.

 

[NickMordo]

I've actually found quite a few women in my area who have the same criteria. They usually put at the bottom of their profile that they won't return messages to anyone who uses poor grammar.

But will they return messages to men with outstanding grammar but are wearing overalls in their photo?

 

[bigpern23]

I've actually found quite a few women in my area who have the same criteria. They usually put at the bottom of their profile that they won't return messages to anyone who uses poor grammar.

Seems like a bad idea. Better to weed out the poor spellers and mixed-tense users, rather than give them the opportunity to clean up their nonsense until they rope you into a date.

 

[terrier]

Second date tomorrow night with an eHarmony reject (which gives her a certain amount of cred IMHO). Then again, how well would I get along with a woman who has never experienced rejection?
My pet peeve: women who don't like bald guys, or guys who have facial hair, but don't specify that in their profiles. Would save me a lot of wasted time - and them, too.

 

[Double J]

I'm usually as careful as anyone when it comes to spelling and grammar, but you can carry it too far. For instance, I would never reject someone just because she did something like end a sentence with a preposition.

Being that rigid about grammar is really not something I'm interested in.

 

[Versatile]

I'm usually as careful as anyone when it comes to spelling and grammar, but you can carry it too far. For instance, I would never reject someone just because she did something like end a sentence with a preposition.

Being that rigid about grammar is really not something I'm interested in.

That's not actually a grammatical issue. It's an outdated style choice that few people beyond middle-school English teachers abide.

 

[Johnny Dangerously]

New student: "Where's the library at?"

Senior: "At Harvard, we don't end a sentence with a preposition."

New student: "OK. Where's the library at, asshole?"