17 words I absolutely, positively could have lived without hearing

Smasher_Sloan · Aug 9, 2006

I knew a woman whose grandmother had a bad back. Her doctor set her up with some sort of pulsating pad that would give her relief while she was riding in a car or sitting and watching TV.

The woman takes her grandmother to Walgreen's one day and dear old grandma yells across the giant store, "Jen, don't forget I need new batteries for my vibrator." People are gaping and snickering all over the store.

Then as they move closer to the counter to pay for their items she says again, just as loudly, "You have the batteries for my vibrator, don't you?"

Older folks are fun.

spaceman · Aug 9, 2006

I'd hit EN's mom in law.

Totally.

And you KNOW she'd be rememberin' some o' dat shit, man.

Yeah.

Jack_Kerouac · Aug 9, 2006

MU_was_not_so_hard said:

EmbitteredNeuticles said:

So my mother-in-law is here. She's a wonderfully caring person and would take a bullet for us, but she lacks the filter from brain to mouth. (have fun with that, quote function dopes!)

She and my wife just stopped at the corner deli for coffee and a snack. Apparently, the coffee is great, but this is the first time my mother-in-law has ever consumed their coffee.

After sipping it, she goes "Oh my, this is amazing. This is orgasmic. If I could just remember what one felt like."

Thanks, Ma. I'll be over here performing an impromptu lobotomy with this Phillips head screwdriver.
Click to expand...

I think I might be able to match you. My fiancee's family has quite an ability to reproduce -- scary thought, I know.
But yesterday, her mom dropped this gem.
"There were times your dad would look at me, have that twinkle in his eye, and I'd just be knocked up."
Aside from her slipping in a "reverse cowboy" it was almost as bad as watching Brokeback with her.
Click to expand...

Your fiancee's dad used to ride her mom while she did him with a strap-on?!? That is fucking sick.

I'm sure you meant to say "Reverse cowgirl" ... or at least I hope to God that's what you meant to say.

Cosmo · Aug 9, 2006

MU_was_not_so_hard said:

EmbitteredNeuticles said:

So my mother-in-law is here. She's a wonderfully caring person and would take a bullet for us, but she lacks the filter from brain to mouth. (have fun with that, quote function dopes!)

She and my wife just stopped at the corner deli for coffee and a snack. Apparently, the coffee is great, but this is the first time my mother-in-law has ever consumed their coffee.

After sipping it, she goes "Oh my, this is amazing. This is orgasmic. If I could just remember what one felt like."

Thanks, Ma. I'll be over here performing an impromptu lobotomy with this Phillips head screwdriver.
Click to expand...

I think I might be able to match you. My fiancee's family has quite an ability to reproduce -- scary thought, I know.
But yesterday, her mom dropped this gem.
"There were times your dad would look at me, have that twinkle in his eye, and I'd just be knocked up."
Aside from her slipping in a "reverse cowboy" it was almost as bad as watching Brokeback with her.
Click to expand...

Uh ...

Um ...

Yeah, I've got nothing. Sorry.

LiveStrong · Aug 9, 2006

ordinaryschmoe said:

MU_was_not_so_hard said:

EmbitteredNeuticles said:

So my mother-in-law is here. She's a wonderfully caring person and would take a bullet for us, but she lacks the filter from brain to mouth. (have fun with that, quote function dopes!)

She and my wife just stopped at the corner deli for coffee and a snack. Apparently, the coffee is great, but this is the first time my mother-in-law has ever consumed their coffee.

After sipping it, she goes "Oh my, this is amazing. This is orgasmic. If I could just remember what one felt like."

Thanks, Ma. I'll be over here performing an impromptu lobotomy with this Phillips head screwdriver.
Click to expand...

I think I might be able to match you. My fiancee's family has quite an ability to reproduce -- scary thought, I know.
But yesterday, her mom dropped this gem.
"There were times your dad would look at me, have that twinkle in his eye, and I'd just be knocked up."
Aside from her slipping in a "reverse cowboy" it was almost as bad as watching Brokeback with her.
Click to expand...

Your fiancee's dad used to ride her mom while she did him with a strap-on?!? That is fucking sick.

I'm sure you meant to say "Reverse cowgirl" ... or at least I hope to God that's what you meant to say.
Click to expand...

where's the barfing smiley?

dooley_womack1 · Aug 9, 2006

Now, what would "reverse Tiger" stand for? (From the title of a thread on the journo board)

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17 words I absolutely, positively could have lived without hearing

Smasher_Sloan Active Member

spaceman Active Member

Jack_Kerouac Member

Cosmo Well-Known Member

LiveStrong Active Member

dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

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17 words I absolutely, positively could have lived without hearing

Smasher_Sloan Active Member

spaceman Active Member

Jack_Kerouac Member

Cosmo Well-Known Member

LiveStrong Active Member

dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

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