2012 Pro Wrestling Thread

Here are a couple of Wrestlemania reviews. I've been slacking with these lately, but finally had the chance to watch two of them. Hopefully you enjoy.

Wrestlemania 16
April 2, 2000

The Godfather and D-Lo Brown vs The Boss Man and Bull Buchanan
Ice T's entrance rap for The Godfather is absolutely horrendous. Without question, the single worst entrance in Wrestlemania history. Surprisingly, this wasn't too shabby. Both teams worked well together with Boss Man and Bull having a lot of double team moves. Bull really shinned with several impressive moves including an awesome spot where he ran to the corner, jumped to the top rope from the mat and then dives backwards to hit a top rope closeline. I guess it goes to show you need personality to get over and having flashy moves wasn't enough. D-Lo's face-in-peril sequence dragged the match down, but things picked up near the end. The heels win after D-Lo eats a Boss Slam and Bull nails the top rope leg drop for the 3 count. Perfectly acceptable undercard action. 2 Stars.

Hardcore Battle Royal - WWE Hardcore Title
A fifteen minute time limit with whomever is champ at the end, keeps the belt. The participants are Crash and Hardcore Holly, Tazz, The Mean Street Posse, Viscera, The Headbangers, Kaientai and the APA. This ends up being a complete cluster**** where it's 15 minutes of non-stop cookie sheet hits and pins. After less than five minutes, I'm already bored out of my mind. On top of having a horrendous match that didn't serve to put over anyone, they terribly botch the finish with Hardcore covering Crash too early. The referee has to stop his count so Crash can kick out. The Fink announces Hardcore as the winner, so Crash has to come back to the ring to give up his belt. Could this have been any worse? Oh and that new WWE signing that seemed to be a big deal, Tazz? Yeah, he's just another lowcard nobody. This may be my pick for worst Wrestlemania match ever. 1/2 Star.

Al Snow and Steve Blackman vs T&A w/Trish Stratus
Was there any sort of backstory for this? I can't remember anything and based on the dead silence, the fans weren't given a reason to care. They wrestle a match that would have been better suited for the Heat match. Al Snow refused to sell any big moves. Test looked like he was trying, but the dead crowd and lame duck other wrestlers failed to get anything going. T&A won after a press slam (Albert) and top rope elbow drop (Test) combo. After the match, Al Snow turns on Chester McCheesyton and Head Cheese take out their former mascot with their leg drop variation of the Demolition Decapitator. This still doesn't get a reaction from the crowd and it begs a question "How are these guys the faces?" This sucked. 1 Star.

The Dudley Boyz (c) vs Edge and Christian vs The Hardy Boyz - WWE Tag Titles - Triangle Ladder Match
I understand that this match is so highly regarded, but it's just not my cup of tea. Everything it about the SPOTZ~! All six guys are more concerned with setting up the SPOTZ~! than trying to win the match. There's one long period when the Dudley Boyz are alone in the ring, but rather than trying to win the match to retain their belts, they're too busy setting up a table on top of some ladders. From a logic standpoint, this match is hideous. There is some positive though. For the first time tonight, a match feels worthy of being at Wrestlemania. Likewise, the tag titles are made to feel like a huge deal. Try finding that at Wrestlemania 28. This match is perfect for a highlight reel and they managed to keep the crowd into it the entire time. If you turn off your brain and just enjoy the SPOTZ~! you'll probably love this. Me, I can't do that especially when there's much better examples of ladder matches with logic and SPOTZ~!. E&C wins their first tag titles with both members on the table pulling down the belts. 3 Stars (1 star for quality 5 for big match feel, importance, crowd reaction and innovative).

The Kat vs Terri - Special Guest Referee: Val Venis
I'm actually going to defend this match. One, they knew that neither girl was good, so they were kind enough to keep the match short. So it has the advantage over the Hardcore match. Two, the crowd was into the "Match" thanks to the hotness of both girls. That's something T&A vs Head Cheese didn't have. Three, everyone knew their role and employed logic. Terri was the heel, so she kept coming back in after being thrown out (Winner was first to cause their opponent to be outside of the ring). Despite being on The Kat's side, Mae Young was a little horn dog, so it made sense that she'd unintentionally hurt her protegee by distracting Val Venis. The logic is something the ladder match didn't have. So somehow this little crappy Diva showcase had positives where every other match thus far had negatives. The match may have sucked, but it was smartly put together. Terri wins after Moolah drags Kat to the outside while Venis was distracted by Mae Young. 3/4 Star.

The Radicalz vs Too Cool and Chyna
Now this is more like it. Too Cool have been having problems with the Radicalz since Guerrero and the gang came into the WWE. Meanwhile, the angle between Guerrero and Chyna had been going on for several weeks. Since the fans hadn't been trained to believe Saturn and Malenko were nobodies, everyone in this was over. Smartly, the babyface side let Scotty handle the vast majority of the work. Chyna's used just for some simple spots near the end and a lot of interaction with Guerrero to further their program. Chyna ends up winning the match for her team after squeezing Eddie's family jewels, press slamming him and hitting a sleeper slam. Even though the Radicalz are now 0-2 on PPV, this is still a nice little WM debut for them. Great little undercard action. 3 Stars.

Kurt Angle (c) vs Chris Benoit vs Chris Jericho - Euro-continental Title
I suppose you can count this as either two matches or just one extended match. I'll do the latter. I rather liked this. It lacks those memorable spots to create a big match feel, but it's just three guys working hard in a triple threat without much instances of one man taking a breather on the outside. You had two main stories of the match. The first being Kurt Angle losing both titles without being pinned in either fall. The other was this really even battle between Jericho and Benoit. They both managed to earn one legal fall (Benoit with IC title and Jericho with European title) and one fall without the referee being conscious to call it. This rivalry would create the awesome series of matches they'd have over the IC Title over the next few months on PPV. Just some solid wrestling that's main goal was setting up future programs (Jericho/Benoit and Angle having to prove himself at King of the Ring). 3 1/4 Stars.

Kane and Rikishi vs X-Pac and Road Dogg
This would be the end of the X-Pac/Kane feud. It's an odd way to end it in a tag team match. I imagine it was done solely to get Rikishi on the card and with Billy Gunn's injury, Road Dogg was left without anything to do. It's a pretty short match, but they managed to pack a lot of fun in this. Rikishi gave stink faces to Road Dogg and Tori while Kane quietly pins X-Pac with the tombstone. This was all about the fun factor and the fans cared about this compared to most of the show. 2 1/4 Stars.

After the match, Too Cool comes out to dance with Rikishi. The San Diego Chicken comes out with everyone suspecting to to be Pete Rose. With Kane choking the chicken, the real Pete Rose runs out with a baseball bat. Rikishi prevents anything from happening. Rose eats a Kane chokeslam, Paul Bearer hysterically taunts him with some DX crotch chops and finally gets a Rikishi stink face to close out the Kane/Pete Rose Wrestlemania trilogy. Even more fun than the match.

Triple H (c) vs The Rock vs The Big Show vs Mick Foley - WWE World Title
Truth be told, I find this match to be awfully underrated. People tend to be really rough on this for one reason or another. Granted, a fourway match shouldn't be the main event of Wrestlemania, but they still managed to put on a good match. It could have benefited from losing ten minutes or so, but I'd still call it the match of the night. The first fall was the best part of the match with everyone ganging up on Big Show and some nonstop action. Fall 2 suffers from dragging on and showcasing a couple of Mick Foley botches. Fall 3 was a little too McMahon friendly for my liking, but they at least picked up the quality from the second fall. Triple H winning after a Vince McMahon heel moment isn't exactly that special Wrestlemania moment, but it's about time a heel ends a Wrestlemania with a win. It's good to finally let a heel win just so it's less of a certainty that the face will always win. It may be a B-PPV main event, but it's still a quality main event from a year that was full of them. 3 1/4 Stars.

Overall
There's only been two Wrestlemanias (WM 12 and 16) from Anaheim, California, but they both have a similar feel. Unless you're a huge fan of the highly regarded match from the show (Iron Man 12 - Ladder Match 16), the show falls pretty flat. For 16, the problem wasn't the lack of talent, but rather trying too hard to get people on the show. Did we really need 46 wrestlers on this show? Since you're injecting so many guys in each match, you're left with some undercard matches that really has little business taking place at Wrestlemania. The real bummer is that the very next PPV was easily better (And that's not even the best PPV of 2000). Slap the Wrestlemania name on Backlash 2000 and you'd have a quality Wrestlemania with some solid undercard matches, a better IC title match and a killer main event with the beloved babyface conquering the hated heel. Backlash also managed to put on a better show with 18 less wrestlers as well. On the plus side, unlike terrible Wrestlemanias like 9 or 11, there's some good matches to make up for a weak undercard. Like I said, if you love the ladder match, that's a huge boost to the card's quality. At the end of the day, a great year produces a less than great Wrestlemania.

 

Wrestlemania 23
April 1, 2007

Money in the Bank 3
This is the year where they increased the participants from six to eight. Did the extra two guys help the match any? To be honest, I don't think so. A guy like Randy Orton disappeared at the end and was not seen for the final seven minutes of the match. For me, the perfect Money in the Bank is a match where everyone involved makes an impact and don't end up missing for lengthy time periods. This was better than I remember it being though. They kept most of the spots based around trying to get the briefcase instead of the contrived spots of Wrestlemania 16. Every special set-up they had for a ladder made sense. The Hardy Boyz setting up the tetter totter ladder spot caused everyone to remember what had happened to Joey Mercury a few months prior. Suddenly, this contrived spot makes perfect sense as the Hardyz are trying to eliminate someone from the match. Even Jeff's awesome dive on Edge through a ladder can be explained by Hardy's tendency to care more about dives than using logic (IE. Survivor Series 2001). A little note to the WWE - if you use painted wooden ladders in disguise of being steel, don't show the break as it gives away the fact that it's not really steel. There was a little too much polish to the match with the old "Your turn, my turn" formula that keeps the match from feeling spontaneous, but I'm willing to overlook it because of the fun moments, logical spots and comedy. Better than MITB 2, but it can't compare to the epicness of MITB 1. Kennedy wins after knocking CM Punk off with a ladder shot. 3 1/2 Stars.

Kane vs The Great Khali
Oh...this feud. The feud that saw Kane carry around a giant See No Evil hook, but sadly never used it to impale anyone. Surprisingly, this wasn't bad as it looked. They told a very simple story of Khali manhandling Kane and Kane being unable to knock Khali down. This all built up to the Wrestlemania 3 flashback spot of Kane body slamming Khali. Despite Kane being the only one receiving a reaction from the crowd, Khali won with the Tree Slam (Future Punjabi Plunge). Not good, but it's as good as it could be. 1 1/2 Stars.

Chris Benoit (c) vs MVP - WWE US Title
I'll fully admit, I probably enjoyed this match more than most. The WWE was hellbent on making MVP out to be a star and they succeed in a huge way. The main story can be summed up in one spot. Benoit went up to the top rope for his flying headbutt, but MVP is there to prevent Benoit from doing it. MVP hits a superplex, but Benoit's experience advantage over MVP leads Benoit to lock MVP's legs for a surprise small package for a 2 count. MVP was booked outwrestle a guy generally regarded as the best technical wrestler in the WWE at the time. Every one of Benoit's big moves was countered by MVP. Meanwhile, you had JBL singing praises for MVP and his shocking success throughout the match. There's also a minor storyline of MVP working over Benoit's left arm. This made it all the easier for MVP to fight out of the Crossface (Just hit the arm a couple of times and Benoit has to grab it in agony). With Benoit's submission holds a no go, The Crippler has to just rely on the German Suplexes and a flying headbutt to win. The moral of the story is that experience will beat out skill. Great little undercard match that allows for the angle to continue. 3 1/2 Stars.

Batista (c) vs The Undertaker - World Heavyweight Title
"Screw your streak, I'm keeping my f'n belt!" is just a little imaginary quote that goes through my head every time Batista was on offense. At the time, there were a lot of reports that Big Dave and Taker were upset about not being in the main event and it seems clear they wanted to send a message. Go ahead and keep them out of the main event, they'll just steal the show. This was just an aggressive and fast pace brawl that exceeded everyone's expectations. There's a couple of things that plays into the quality of the match. For one, Batista wasn't really good at this time. Since his return in mid 2006, he had been pretty damn unspectacular. The other thing is that while the Streak was at 14-0, it hadn't developed into these finisher kickouts that every one has now. So not only is Batista kicking some serious ass, but we have this epic match where you wouldn't have expected it. Both men worked their asses off and the end result is the best Streak match up to this point. The longer the match went, the more the crowd got behind Taker before Taker finally won with the Tombstone. This one only gets better with time. Minus a little awkwardness at the end, this was an awesome brawl. 4 1/4 Stars.

The New Breed vs The ECW Originals
Rumor has it the ECW rules stipulation was removed so it wouldn't take away from the main matches on this show. As a result, this is just a short and simple eight man tag. The ECW Originals all get in some moves on Matt Striker early on before Tommy Dreamer ends up as the face-in-peril for awhile. That led to the hot tag to RVD and everyone getting involved. In just over five minutes, RVD pins Matt Striker with the 5 Star Frog Splash. The WWE may have not cared about this, but these guys made it fun with fast tags and an even faster pace. Matt Striker was the star of the match with all of the bumps he took though. 2 1/2 Stars.

Bobby Lashley w/Donald Trump vs Umaga w/Mr. McMahon - Battle of the Billionaires
While this isn't a workrate match, it is a good example of a really fun Sports Entertainment match. To combat the limited skills of Bobby Lashley, he and Umaga worked a fast pace match and relied on a heavily overbooked finish to make this far more fun that it should have been. The pacing of the match is quite good. When the middle portion started to drag, the overbooked ending quickly followed to bring the match back up. There's not a whole lot more to say about the match. The ending was perfect with Austin having enough of Umaga's crap and stunning him and there's a lot of entertainment. Lashley was perfectly acceptable and it's easily his most enjoyable match. 3 1/4 Stars.

After the match, Vince McMahon tries running off, but Lashley catches him. McMahon eats a Stone Cold Stunner and then gets his head shaved. If you haven't seen this segment, hunt it down as it's one of the more enjoyable non-wrestling moments of Wrestlemania history.

Melina (c) vs Ashley - WWE Women's Title - Lumberjill Match
Ashley sucks and was fairly botchy. Melina was pretty passable and locked in a cool little bow-and-arrow variation where she had her boots against Ashley's back and then pulled Ashley's arms backward. Ashley attempts a roll-up, but Melina counters it for a surprise pinfall. Your typical terrible wrestling, great bathroom break that you can expect from the WWE Divas. Thanks for keeping it short. 1/2 Star.



John Cena (c) vs Shawn Michaels - WWE World Title
The Raw tag champions explode~! Neither guy even bothered to bring out their tag title though. This was the HBK show. Being control the match, having a great strategy and a bunch of little touches to add to the story, Michaels carried this match. The actual story of the match was built around Cena the ultimate abuse, but coming back to winning it in the end. Michaels would work over Cena's knee for several minutes, including one nasty spot where he rammed Cena's kneecap into the ring post. After Michaels is busted open, he gets a little more vicious by hitting a piledriver on the steel steps. However, despite having this awesome story handed to him on a silver platter, Cena doesn't go along with it. Cena doesn't sell the knee and never bothers to act like he has a concussion or anything after the piledriver.

Maybe this is just my Cena "Hatred" coming out, but he didn't add a damn thing to the match. What's more disappointing is that the WWE had a great Wrestlemania moment ready, but they opted not to go for it. The fans wanted Michaels to win. They were clamoring for it. I can just imagine Michaels celebrating with the title to a packed Ford Field going crazy while fireworks are going off. That would have been an awesome moment. Instead, Cena forces Michaels to tap out while the crowd remain quiet. This is part of the reason why some hates Cena so strongly. You rob the fans of those special moments they're dying for. Michaels should have won. Great performance by Michaels, a good match, but Taker/Batista should have been in the main event. 3 1/2 Stars.

Overall
Man, this show has really aged well. At the time, I remember this just being an okay show. Minus the short Divas match and Kane/Khali, everything was good. As far as consistency goes, this has to be one of the better Manias. Where it lacks in those several MOTYC's that the best Mania's have, it makes up for it in regards of having less crap than those Manias have. Compare WM 23 with a show like WM 20 and while 20 may have more 4 star matches, you also have to sit through a lot more crap. Thanks to the WWE keeping the two bad matches short and adding plenty of Sports Entertainment wackiness in the Lashley/Umaga match, this show flies by. There are a few drawbacks though. Kennedy was forced to lose the MITB to Edge due to an injury, Taker's title reign wouldn't be long, the ECW guys had their Hardcore match a couple of nights later and Michaels would beat Cena in a highly regarded Raw match a few weeks later. As a result, the people who paid for Wrestlemania had to watch better results happen for free. So I imagine that kind of sucks when you get your cable bill. It doesn't matter much though as WM 23 is easily one of the better Manias.

 

My picks for tonight will come shortly.

 

I'm excited to watch it, too. This will be my fifth straight year to buy Wrestlemania. The last four years, I bought it for one or two matches (mostly the HBK stuff) and found one or two others that I enjoyed.
This time, other than the 12-man tag and the Divas, I'm looking forward to every match. The "Big Four" ought to be pretty damn good, with the abilities of the guys involved more than making up for the so-so backstories. Rhodes-Show has been a great feud and should be a good match.
Even Orton-Kane, the biggest of throwaway matches that everyone is poo-pooing, ought to be entertaining. Like the main events, both guys are good enough in the ring to make up for the awful build. At worst, it'll be a solid 10-minute match and not a train wreck.

 

Read online that the tag team championship will be defended in the pre-show dark match.
It'll be Primo & Epico (c) vs. The Usos vs. Tyson Kidd & Justin Gabriel in a three-way match.
It'll be streamed on WWE.com and YouTube.

 

World Heavyweight Title Match
Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
via pinfall

WWE Title Match
CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho
via submission

Intercontinental Title Match
Cody Rhodes (c) vs. Big Show
Via Pinfall


Hell In A Cell
Special Guest Referee; Shawn Michaels
The Undertaker vs. Triple H
via pinfall

Once In A lifetime
John Cena vs. The Rock
via pinfall

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny
Ziggler def Ryder

Grudge Match
Randy Orton vs. Kane
via Pinfall

Divas Tag
Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix & Eve
via pinfall

Opening Match: Bryan vs Sheamus
Closer: Rock vs Cena
Longest Match: Punk vs Jericho
Shortest match: Divas Match
Highest rating: Punk vs Jericho
Worse rating: Divas Match
Penultimate Match: Rhodes vs Show

 

-John Cena vs. The Rock
My pick: Cena wins by pinfall (I can't imagine Rock tapping). Final match of the night.

Hell in a Cell Match:
-The Undertaker vs. Triple H. Shawn Michaels will serve as the special guest referee of the match.
My pick: Undertaker wins by pinfall. At the end, Undertaker ends up shoving HBK or something that pisses him off, and he goes for Sweet Chin Music. Undertaker moves, and HBK hits HHH, who falls into Undertaker's arms for a tombstone piledriver. HBK and HHH exchange words after the match, leaving Undertaker in the ring. As he celebrates, Brock Lesnar hits the ring and takes him out.

Will be night's longest match at 32:13.

WWE Championship Match:
-CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho
My pick: Punk loses by DQ and retains title. He snaps and goes nuts on Jericho, eventually shoving ref and refusing to release the Anaconda vise. Second longest match of the night and highest rated.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match:
-Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Sheamus
My pick: Sheamus wins title, with AJ interference backfiring as someone else suggested. (Next Smackdown, Bryan tells AJ he's not mad; in fact, with the winning streak she's been on, he set up a match that could put her in line for a Diva title shot. Out comes Kharma, who destroys AJ. As crowd boos, Bryan stands over her and tells her she's a loser and he never even liked her.)

WWE Intercontinental Title Match:
-Cody Rhodes (c) vs. Big Show
My pick: Rhodes wins by pin. Ends up as a great match, with Rhodes getting a strong push. Just as it looks like Show will win, Rhodes ducks his knockout punch, which hits the ref. Show then chokeslams Rhodes and pins him, but there's no ref to count the fall. As Show gets up off Rhodes, Alberto Del Rio comes out and nails Show with an international object, setting Rhodes up for the win.

-Randy Orton vs. Kane
My pick: Almost put the Del Rio run-in here. Instead, I'll go with Orton winning by pinfall after delivering an RKO. Something needs to be done with this one to set one of these guys up for post-WM, but not sure what it will be.

12 Man Tag Team Match For Control of Raw and Smackdown:
-Team Laurinaitis vs Team Long
My pick: Eve lures Ryder somewhere in the back where they can be alone; he gets jumped by Team Johnny and is out of the match. His replacement: Brodus Clay. Still not enough, as Team Johnny dominates. Miz gets the pin.

Divas Tag Team Match:
-Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres
My pick: Kelly Kelly and Maria win shortest and worst match of the night. Many bathroom breaks are taken and beers refreshed around the country during this one. Lowest star rating.

First match: Show vs. Rhodes
Final match: Cena vs. Rock
Penultimate match: Punk vs. Jericho

 

WWE Championship Match
... CM Punk via submission

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
Sheamus (via pin)

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
The Big Show (via DQ)

WWE Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match
Primo and Epico vs. Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd vs. The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso) (Primo and Epico via pin)

John Cena vs. The Rock (cena via pin) LAST MATCH

Hell in a Cell Match
Special Referee: Shawn Michaels
The Undertaker vs. Triple H (Taker via pin) (LONGEST MATCH) - 35 minutes

Team Teddy (Santino Marella, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Zack Ryder, Booker T and The Great Khali) vs. Team Johnny (David Otunga, Dolph Ziggler, The Miz, Mark Henry, Drew McIntyre and Jack Swagger)

(Team Johnny, Ziggler pins Ryder)

Randy Orton vs. Kane (Orton via pin)

Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve (KK and MM via pin)



Opening Match — Tag Team Title match (it's not on the MAIN card but it is the opening match)
Final Match — John Cena vs. The Rock
Penultimate Match — 12 man tag match
Longest Match — Hell in a Cell
Shortest Match — Divas
Highest Star Rating — Jericho vs. Punk
Lowest Star Rating — Divas

Longest Match — Hell in a Cell (35 minutes)

 

52 minutes left, better get mine in. Also, Rockbottom PM'd me his picks, and I got them, but I was too lazy to respond. Here we go:

John Cena vs. The Rock​

Cena has to win, I'd think. He's the guy who'll be around in two weeks. By the way, did you know there was a Tooth Fairy II? The role of the Tooth Fairy was played by Larry the Cable Guy. Suffice to say, it went straight to DVD. Suffice to say, TNA will sign him and give him a couple of clean pins against AJ Styles. The match will be better than can be reasonably expected given Rock's ring rust, but not as magical as Rock-Hogan. I would have thought respect handshake to wrap up the night, but with the rumors about who's in town and word that WWE is rewriting major parts of the show today, I'm not even going to guess at a post-match angle. Cena by pin

Triple H vs. The Undertaker (Shawn Michaels special referee)​

The Hell in a Cell stipulation seems superfluous. Neither of them are taking any dives from the top of the cage and there's no real danger of run-ins, nobody's running away and it's not as though you can't escape the cage because inevitably the action leaves it. But they've been in damn near every HIAC, so there's a nice nod to history (for those who know to look for it, since WWE hasn't touched on it). HBK is a red herring; he might tease doing something dastardly to one or the other, but ultimately he plays it straight. Similar to last year's match, lots of big moves punctuated by long stretches of recovery, a handful of holy-shit kickouts and finally, Taker winning. No post-match shenanigans, other than a couple of uncomfortable stares. I don't think they'll announce any sort of HBK-Taker-HHH match on Raw, because there's too many variables that might keep it from taking place. A clean, relatively uneventful finish gives them plenty of options going forward if they want to revisit the issue next year. Undertaker by pin

WWE Championship Match:-CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho. ​

This one's going to be a lot of fun, presuming they don't do anything wonky like have Punk's family members figure in the finish (or worse, have them turn on Punk to help Jericho). Give them 30 minutes and proceed to drool. Jericho isn't going to be around long-term and Punk is firmly in the upper echelon of stars (imagine saying THAT heading into Wrestlemania 27). You could set up a rematch at Extreme Rules, or Jericho could just go, which is my pick. Punk by pin.

Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy​

This won't be given the Corre vs. Crapola treatment from last year, because there's actually something at stake and they've built up to this match fairly well, once you get past the fact they're centering a major multiple-personality angle around Teddy Long and John Laurinaitis, and that Zack Ryder and Great Khali are in the match. Did you know: Teddy Long is 64 years old. Little old to be yelling holla and talking about playas, perhaps. I suspect Long announces his retirement at Raw and he gets a nice going-away segment at Smackdown (maybe getting to be GM for one more show) before Johnny takes full control. Dolph Ziggler pins Ryder after distraction/interference from Eve leads to the Zig Zag at the end of the finisher orgy that always marks large tag team matches, and Laurinaitis rewards him with a title shot against Punk at Extreme Rules. Team Laryngitis by pin

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show​

I think a lot of the rumors of shocking debuts/returns tonight are red herrings, but I do think Lord Tensai makes his return here by doing something painful and Japanese to Big Show, giving Rhodes the win and a clear path to challenging the World champion in the coming months. Rhodes by pin

Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres​

Natalyia runs out after 20 seconds, farts in Beth's face, and Kelly and Maria execute stereo rollups for the win. The match still goes too long. KMKM by pin

Randy Orton vs. Kane​

Nobody's looking forward to this, per se, but it won't be horrible just because Kane is experienced and Orton is pretty good when he wants to be. Orton wins, punts Kane and sends him packing for a few months, because I don't really see much for him to do post-WM and his act wears thin after a few months. Maybe he comes back under his real name in a few months, the voices in his head having been literally kicked out. Orton by pin

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Sheamus. ​

Interesting to note (ha ha no it isn't) that I'm picking nothing but pins. Same thing happens here. Lobsterhead has a lot of momentum and a lot of support. Time to give him the ball and see how he can handle being the undisputed top guy and top face on the Smackdown brand. Bryan has developed as a character enough that he won't immediately fall to Superstars like Jack Swagger did. They'll have a fun match because Bryan will bounce around like a crack-infused superball. Sheamus by pin

The streaming match doesn't count because who gives an infected cock, but I'll say that the new team of Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel win the three-way tag team title match. It won't get any of these guys off Smackdown/NXT.

EDIT for the extra credit questions:

Longest match: Taker vs. HHH (32 minutes, 19 seconds)
Shortest match: Divas
Last match: Cena vs. Rock
Penultimate match: Divas
First match: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
Best match: Taker vs. HHH
Worst match: Divas

 

so are we technically saying the Tag title match will be first? It's going to be live on WWE.com and YouTube apparently.

 

So, I had to give into temptation and ordered 'Mania. Should be a good one.

 

Yeah, I am at work so I'll be recording it (HOPEFULLY) for when I get home tonight.

That and I have to watch the season premiere of Game of Thrones tonight as well.

That's 5 hours of hopefully quality programming!