2013 Pro Wrestling Thread

Aw shit, how could I forget about super-Cena? I guess I'll put him in against Austin.

 

"1.) Opening Match: Money in the Bank Ladder Match-> Macho Man Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat, RVD, Rey Mysterio, Edge, Christian, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Shelton Benjamin, Kane"

Holy fuck that would be the greatest thing I could possibly imagine.

 

Jesus. I'd watch that. Then repeat it. Then maybe repeat it again.

 

WRESTLEMANIA

WWE Championship: CM Punk vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin

World Heavyweight Championship: Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

Title Unification: Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho vs United States Champion Bret Hart

Tag Team Championship: Edge and Christian vs. D-Generation X (Triple H and Shawn Michaels)

Iron Man Match: Chris Benoit vs. Daniel Bryan

Hardcore Championship Scramble: Cactus Jack vs. Terry Funk vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Sabu vs. New Jack

Divas Championship: Trish Stratus vs. Lita vs. AJ Lee

Shoot Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Giants: Andre vs. Big Show

Inferno: Undertaker vs. Kane

Celebrity Hall of Fame inductee: John Carpenter, who loves wrestling and cast Roddy Piper in "They Live" not long after meeting him at one of the first Wrestlemanias. Top that for a weird-celebrity-with-a-tenuous-wrestling-connection induction.

Yeah, I know I don't have Cena and Rock, but after the last two WMs I'm pretty sour on those guys. I know some of these are things we've seen. Like Taker and Kane. But I love some of those early matches those guys had in 1997-98, back when Kane had a mystique.

 

Come to think of it, I just thought of how the finish would go for my main event:

Hogan wears the red and yellow, but gets DQed against Bruno when Hall and Nash come down. The three of them beat on Bruno until ..... Cena comes down for the save. He cleans house, but then Bischoff sneaks in and low-blows him. The NWO then start beating on Bruno and Cena until .. ... the glass breaks.

I'd have to do something instead of Austin vs. Vince or Cena, so I think what I'd do is have Owen Hart against Vince, with a finish of having the whole Hart family drag a screaming Vince up to the rafters.

Oh, and my Andre/Show match would end with the ring collapsing on a super-plex. Why not?

 

Here's my take, from the main event on down to the opener...

MAIN EVENT: Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart in another 60-minute Iron Man match

John Cena vs. Hulk Hogan

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. CM Punk

Hell in a Cell Retirement Match: Undertaker vs. Kane (make it the final match for both, IMO)

Submission/I Quit Match: Ric Flair vs. Daniel Bryan

TLC Match: The Dudley Boyz vs. Edge & Christian vs. The Hardy Boys vs. The Outsiders (Hall & Nash)

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Battle of the Giants: Andre the Giant vs. The Big Show

Divas Match: Trish Stratus vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Lita vs. AJ Lee

Opener: Slobberknocker Match - Goldberg vs. the following 10 superstars (in no particular order) - Mr. Perfect, Batista, Triple H, Randy Orton, Owen Hart, The British Bulldog, The Rock, Viscera, Yokozuna, Ryback

and a bonus...

WWE.com Pre-Show Madness: A four-corners 12-man tag match
DX (X-Pac and the New Age Outlaws) vs. The Shield (Ambrose, Reigns and Rollins) vs. Four Horsemen (Arn Anderson, Ole Anderson and Tully Blanchard) vs. The Radicalz (Eddie Guerrero, Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn)

 

Not sure about the rest of the card, but I want a big man feud between Andre the Giant (w/Bobby Heenan) and the Great Khali (w/Hornswoggle and Natalya).
Yeah, the match would look like two elephants trying to fuck in a phone booth. But the promos would be incredible.

Andre: YOU ghahrkfgk goasijfsffnngg WRESSLE-MANIA!
Khali: HSISShddhdhdhdhdhdhddh Blech. Ajfjfsfjgjdmanya!

Add Heenan ripping on Hornswoggle, Khali and Natalya, Hornswoggle doing Hornswoggle antics with Heenan (who could totally sell something like that), and you have comedy freakin' gold. Heenan (who, of course, is the key to this whole thing) and Natalya could also work a bit about not understanding what either Andre or Khali are saying.
Again, not the greatest match by any means, but the whole thing would be entertaining as hell and one of the best mid-card comedy matches in Wrestlemania history.

 

This I can totally get behind.

 

Nightmare mode: Make it a four-hour show you could get through.

A show with nothing but legendary matches would take forever and the audience would be dead midway through it. That's why even the best cards ever have come-down matches to give people a chance to recharge for the next epic encounter.

 

So like...Koko B. Ware vs. Santino?

 

Koko B. Ware is an underrated worker.

 

From SmackDown:
Dolph Ziggler is reduced to pushing WWE merchandise during a break. He picks up a Randy Orton skateboard and asks with a straight face, "Wanna ride on The Viper's face like I do?"

Uh ...

I'm still sour on the fact that everything has been "reset" with such a lousy end of the Bryan/Orton saga. Does anyone really want to see Big Show become the top face for the battle with management? Ugh, I'd rather see Cena back in that role yet again. At least the face would be a character that could keep a straight face when speaking of his convictions, not a career midcarder (even if he is a giant) who turns every six months.

I just don't buy the whole "Bryan and Punk weren't demoted to the midcard" crap because that's absolutely where they are.