2014 Pro Wrestling Thread

Was the buyer Kaz Hayashi?

 

Might be Tobey Keith. I read he tried to buy TNA and way still start a promotion with Jarrett if Spike drops Impact.

 

They took out Antonio Cesaro's first name as well. Now he's just "Cesaro".

Yeah, that'll put butts in the seats.

 

Come to think of it, this must have been the conversation at Titan Towers (or whatever it's called these days):


Trips to writers: Our ratings haven't been going up in a long time. Thanks to those idiot "Yes" fans, we keep having to put Daniel Bryan in the main event. But today, I want you guys to work on something that'll get Big E Langston and Antonio Cesaro over.

Writers: Sure thing, Terra/Paul/Hunter.

Trips leaves.

Writer 1: What are we going to do? He wants us to do something that'll get those two guys over? These guys have never been over with anyone, except for when Big E was with Ziggler and Cesaro was with Aksana.

Writer 2: Aksana. Speaking of wrestlers who aren't over ...

Writer 3: Let's not put too much pressure on ourselves. Let's start with Big E.

20 minutes passes of silence

Writer 3: I got it! This will get him over huge! We'll give him a spear, and a headdress and call him Saba ...

Writer 2: Awesome. That screams main event right there.

Writer 1: Um, guys ... they did that already ... with Tony Atlas.

Writer 3: Who?

Writer 2: That guy who they kept around for his laughing on our ECW show. With Abraham Washington.

Writer 3: Abraham Who?

Writer 2: Never mind, back to Big E.

Another 30 minutes pass

Writer 1: I can't think of anything.

Writer 2: You know what that means ... Intercontinental champion!"

Writer 3: Um, guys ... he already has the belt.

Writer 2: When the hell did that happen?

Writer 1: Damn! Well, can we give it to him again? It's not like anybody would notice.

10 more minutes pass

Writer 2: We still have nothing on Big E. Why don't we move along to Cesaro?

Writer 1: I know! He's a real strong guy. Why don't we have him do a move where he picks a guy up from his legs and spin around with him!

Writer 3: You mean, the Giant Spin?

Writer 1: Yeah!

Writer 2: That's an old move from the 70s. That'll never get over in 2014.

Writer 3: Yeah, I guess you're right.

2 more hours pass

Writer 1: I got it! Writer 2, you keep calling them by Big E and Cesaro, right? Why don't we just drop one of their names. That'll put asses in the seats.

Writer 2: That's fine. We'll call him Big E. No Langston. But I like the name Antonio. Why don't we just keep that.

Writer 3: I like Cesaro better

Writer 2: Antonio!

Writer 3: Cesaro

Writer 2: Do you want to take this outside?

Writer 1: Hold on guys, let's just flip a coin on this.

Both agree. Coin is flippled

Writer 1: Heads. Cesaro it is.

Writer 3: So we're in agreement. From now on, it's Big E and Cesaro.

Writer 2: Awesome, let's go tell Terra/Paul/Hunter.

Writers get up to leave. At the door

Writer 1: I have an even better idea. The next guy we get, we'll name him Antonio Langston.

Writer 2: It's not like anyone would notice.

 

The lineup in this wwe.com story is probably better than we'll actually get for 'Mania.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/wrestlemania/30/8-dream-wrestlemania-30-matches

 

Not-so-suspiciously absent: Austin vs. Punk.

Damn, I can't wait until the Network starts. I think I'm first going to overload on Hardcore Holly matches.

 

I could definitely go for No. 2. The Mean Street Posse!

 

Apparently it means good things for the Wrestler Formerly Known as Antonio, if Smackdown is any indication. Kinda shocked they gave him that win.

 

So Daniel Bryan has TWO new shirts out.
They both suck.
http://shop.wwe.com/Daniel-Bryan/superstar-current-danielbryan,default,sc.html

 

The Che Guevara treatment would be perfect for a Bray Wyatt shirt.

 

God, those are awful, especially the red one. What design and marketing geniuses decide to jjust take a white rectangle, put in the YES, and call it a day.

 

I just don't understand it. Not at all.
Take the show Sons of Anarchy, for example. They have ONE logo and they pump out tons of cool merchandise and t-shirts based on it.
The WWE literally has hundreds of ways they can go with their merchandise and almost all of it is f**king awful.
I'm beginning to think John Cena might be the head of marketing and this is all an elaborate plan to make sure he sells the most t-shirts. While his are pretty terrible, they're incredible pieces of art compared to some of this other junk. No wonder the gap is so large in merch sales.