50 Shades of Grey: Not the story of Big Ben's penis

That's all terrific but in what aisle do the hotties hang out?

 

I'd say Philosophy, but I think brains are sexy...

 

This makes some sense as many women are probably reading this sadistic sex romp and loudly calling for Jesus.

 

I blame this thread for my dreams last night. And by blame, I mean thank you Jesus.

 

Thank you Jesus?

So, you're a Messiaphiliac, are you?

 

Hey assholes, when there's a great thread like this on SJ that might not normally be in my wheelhouse, you need to give me the high sign, OK?

There's so much I could have added.

Christ almighty. I learned about so much here than just the book. Schiez reads Literotica. There's hillbilly-inspired parodies. MITCH FUCKING ALBUM WAXED RIDICULOUS ON A BDSM BOOK?

This has GOT to be the subject matter of the Great SJ Novel.

I want ideas, people. I want devices. I want fucked up fetishes.

I want someone with a pirate patch on their eye, a baby pacifier in their mouth, an orafice (of mysterious origin?) on their sex and a half-bag of Dunkin' Donuts products up their ass, STAT!

 

So THAT is what donut holes are for? Always wondered about their purpose.

 

Yeah. They're butt-plugs.

The beauty of it is that they can kind of be ranked in terms of kink. Not unlike the hot sauce rankings at your average wing joint.

Fresh donut holes are for beginners. Two-day-old donut holes? Stale and unforgiving, so you'd better have some experience.

Two-day-old stale glazed donut holes? Fuck. That's the kind of unhinged shit Hell's Angels bikers use to keep their bitches in line.

 

The truly hardcore prefer bear claws.

 

Sorry, Bubs, but we all just assumed any title mentioning Big Ben's penis would have attracted you on its own.