a-hole dry carp bill belichick reconsidered

YES! Greatest opening line to a TV show in the history of the medium. And a great show too, wasn't that the Monorail episode?

To this day, I think they cut that line in syndication.

 

Lets not forget:

Funyuns Still Outselling Responsibilityuns

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28574?issue=4227&special=2000

 

Snack threadjack in progrees. Beautiful.

I'll take Jay's Hot Stuff potato chips any day. Sadly, they can't be found in the South.

 

Ahahahaha yes, Marge vs. the Monorail. But I've seen that episode recently and I swear that line is in there, because it cracks me up every time.

Lyle Lanley:  Well, sir, there's nothing on earth Like a genuine, Bona fide, Electrified, Six-car Monorail! ...

What'd I say?

Ned Flanders: Monorail!

Lyle Lanley:  What's it called?

Patty+Selma:  Monorail!

Lyle Lanley:  That's right!  Monorail!

[crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]

Miss Hoover:  I hear those things are awfully loud...

Lyle Lanley:  It glides as softly as a cloud.

Apu:          Is there a chance the track could bend?

Lyle Lanley:  Not on your life, my Hindu friend.

Barney:       What about us brain-dead slobs?

Lyle Lanley:  You'll all be given cushy jobs.

Abe:          Were you sent here by the devil?

Lyle Lanley:  No, good sir, I'm on the level.

Wiggum:       The ring came off my pudding can.

Lyle Lanley:  Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!

All:          [singing] Monorail!

Lyle Lanley:  What's it called?

All:          Monorail!

Lyle Lanley:  Once again...

All:          Monorail!

Marge:        But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...

Bart:         Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!

All:          [singing] Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
[big finish]
Monorail!

Homer:        Mono...  D'oh!

 

Well, at least you didn't go down the SportsJournalists.com primrose path to ATMyuns. Might as well post it before someone else does.

Still don't get the appeal of ass to mouth, ATM advocates. Don't know why I'd want to receive or desire the significant other to give.

 

Chicago. He's no Ernie Banks, but the guy is revered.

 

No offense whatsoever intended, but those of you who weren't here to endure The Mr. Bill experience in C-Town have no idea what a major-league asshole this guy was at the time. Off-the-charts doesn't even begin to scratch the surface.

Obviously, he has gone on to achieve big things -- at least professionally -- but that does not change the trail he blazed here.

The wreckage he left strewn across these parts before that antichrist Modell sold his soul has not been forgotten.

Touchdown Tommy Vardell... barf.

 

People in Cleveland have a deep and abiding love for a lot of guys from those 1980s Browns teams. Even Reggie Langhorne and Herman Fucking Fontenot.

I expect shockey to come on here and make a smartass remark any time now. Don't disappoint me, old man.

 

Hahahh Herman Fontenot!

I was always partial to Thane Gash.

 

One of the best Simpson sequences is the sexual harassment episode, where Homer is profiled on the "Inside Edition"-like show "Rock Bottom". Rock Bottom alters Homer's answers (with a clock in the backround showing the time lapse differences) and then uses a close-up still of his distorted face in simulate Homer attacking the Rock Bottom host.

He turns off the tv and immediately goes into his "Under the Sea" dream.

Best Simpsons sequence ever.

 

IJAG would hate Belichick even more [if that's possible] if he had unceremoniously cut both Kosar AND Kaysar.

 

Sweet, sweet candy!!

Then of course the TV movie "Portrait of a Serial Ass Grabber."

"Ashley": No, Mr. Simpson!  A cat is a living creature.

"Homer": I don't care.  [runs it over]
[crashes into some garbage bins]

"Homer": Now I'm going to grab me some _sweet_.

"Ashley": No, Mr. Simpson, that's sexual harassment.  If you keep it up, I'll yell so loud the whole country will hear.

"Homer": [laughs] With a MAN in the White House?  [laughs] Not likely! [laughs more]

Then of course the Groundskeeper Willie report: "Rowdy Roddy Peeper." Fuck. That would have been a great screen name.