A no-perspective blowhard on fantasy football

That is one stupid-assed column.

And I say this as a guy who has never been in a football fantasy league.

Get a grip, woman. And you're right, Lugs: The Viagra bit was as off-base as it was tortured.

 

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Great posts.

Calling draft day just like Christmas is an absolutely perfect analogy. A few years ago, the guy who runs our baseball draft (not the commissioner, just the guy who serves as auctioneer, keeps the running draft list and laughs at how worked up we get during hte day) asked me where baseball draft day ranked on my list of favorite days. I said it was second behind Christmas...and it is.

Like BigRed, our baseball league is comprised of a bunch of guys (and my wife) who went to school together, along with a handful of folks we've picked up along the way who didn't go to school with us but already knew everyone in the league. Yes, it gets heated sometimes (I was so pissed when one owner bailed on his promise to deal with me July 31 that I didn't talk to him for three weeks), but it's a great way to make sure you stay in touch with some of the best friends you've ever had. We're starting to scatter around the country now, and half the owners are parents, which means we can't hang out all day and night at the draft anymore. But those few hours are among the best of the year (even when I draft a shitty team, which is like opening the toy you wanted all year only to realize it sucks by noon Christmas Day).

And yes, Columbo, you turd, I am shocked you participate in a BASEBALL AUCTION LEAGUE.

 

I don't get it, Luggie. Why would this woman have tried Viagra? ;D

 

I can't go anywhere without someone asking me, "Who should I take first, a running back or a QB?"
Who asks you this?

First of all, as long as there's been pro sports, there's been people spending free time imagining they're involved too, from thinking your Babe Ruth while playing stickball with some friends, to strat-o-matic, to Madden football.
And, for the love of god, this isn't a new phenomenon.
It's not like fantasy football just exploded.

Jesus, come up with a better premise before you waste a column arguing it.

 

I didn't understand that either. I'm in two leagues, and the only people that ask me are league-mates. Well, my wife did want me to take Shaun Alexander, but she's a diehard 'Bama fan.
With two fantasy leagues, my baseball league and real Christmas, it's like I have FOUR Christmases.
It's great.

 

I just want to know whether my decision to trade Gore for McAllister was a good move given that I wanted some insurance for Reggie Bush.

 

Good stuff DBV

 

Luggie, I love you.

 

God bless Strat-O-Matic, by the way.

In one of the two fantasy baseball leagues I'm in, guys come from around the Midwest to draft. We've been friends for a long time, it's a great way to get together.

That's what fantasy leagues are about.

 

Fuckabuncha Elizabeth Newman.

Fantasy football is the great unifier among men. She bitches about men asking "QB or RB" when such questions immediately strike up conversation and save us from death by boredom at weddings, family functions and trips to IKEA with the wife. Such timeless questions turn complete strangers into friends. Heath Miller scores on an 83-yard TD and a group of men who have never met are talking about the collective experience.

Bite my Bubba Franks, Lizard Breath.

 

For the first time in about 15 years, I'm not doing fantasy football.

I can't say as I miss it. For the first time in many years, I'll watch my team, a few other players who I care about tracking and that will be it. No lost money (for one league for a couple of years ... the other was a free dynasty my friends and I ran for better than a decade), no teeth-gnashing, no second-guessing and no giving a flip about a player I've got who's facing my NFL team.

Part of it was the lack of camaraderie in the league I was in the last two years. Sometimes they were gut-busting funny, but too many of the joke attempts fell flat. Beating the biggest smartass in the league was almost worth returning, though. In my place, they got a teenager who will likely get his a_s handed to him a few times, and someone who likes talking the trash that many of them do. While draft day was a lot of fun, it went flat for the rest of the season except for blatent - occasionally tasteless - jokes. That was enough.

Still ... for someone to write a column that stupid is head-scratching. Nice blanket statements. And what does she expect most guys to discuss? China patterns? Family functions? Gossip?