A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

Dear Slappy McEatinmycar,
Thank you very much for pulling out of your parking stall at McDonalds on Tuesday, then pausing for three minutes as you ate the first of your burgers....IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PARKING LOT.
I had absolutely nowhere to go and nothing to do, so I was completely thankful that you were able to entertain me as I sat behind you patiently.

 

Dear UT -

Alas, I must inform you that you have to go without me on this one. I hopefully have something else coming down the pike.

Road trippingly yours,

Platy

 

Threadjack because of fast-food reference:

I'm in the Whataburger drive-thru a few years back when I worked in Texas. Guy in front of me is clearly having some kind of problem with the service (it was taking awhile, but I was on the clock and not in danger of busting any deadlines, so I didn't really care).

Got my windows down, because it was REALLY FUCKING HOT ... in other words, just another day in South Texas. I can hear this guy pretty much screaming at the chick at the window. Well, she goes to hand him his drinks (four of them in one of those big-ass four-drink holders ... and one of them apparently tips over and spills a little on him.

Well, he picks up the huge-ass drink and FIRES IT AT HER.


Except he doesn't account for his roof.


Drink explodes all over him in his car.

 

Dear mustard,

The imagery of that story made me laugh. Thanks.

UT

 

Dear Media:

I don't care about Paris Hilton.

Your friend, friend.

 

Dear neighbors,

Your daughter is absolutely gorgeous. Her poopy diapers, however, aren't. Please don't leave the bag containing them by the door anymore. It stinks up my entry too.

Thank you

SC

 

Dear Friend of a Friend:

Who is this Paris Hilton about whom you speak?

Just kidding.

Platy

P.S. - SC, isn't it bit too soon after lunch to be making dirty diaper references?

 

Dear S.O.B.

Yo no puedo creer que yo le me casé usted zurce el pedazo de la mierda. Jódale y su puta que jode.

Sinceramente,

KG pronto ser KH

 

Dear KG, or KH,

Get yer ass back to work!

Regards, Best Boss.

 

De modo que hace la manera que él ha estado a mí para los últimos varios años.

 

Never! I'm running away. Actually I'm too tired for that. I'll get my ass back to work early tomorrow morning.

 

dear paula creamer,

it's about time, but thanks anyway for FINALLY getting away from the hideous all-pink outfits you used to wear. now the first thing that pops in my mind when i see photos of you is "damn, she's really cute" instead of "where's the closest spoon so i can gouge my fucking eyes out?"

Thanks,

Jimmy.

P.S. omar, you motherfucker. i haven't forgot about you.