A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

Dear rain,

Most of the time I love you. Today, though, fuck off.

Moist,
Bodie.

 

Dear person with the spotless car interior,

I picked up and threw away the overflowing Sonic bag that you left in your former parking place.

You're welcome.

I hope that the tater tots were tainted and you ended up hurling on your carpet and upholstery.

Sincerely,

A friend of nature, even if it is a parking lot.

 

Dear Folks,

Okay, my mom just told me the oddest story I have ever heard. Mom works at a public library, she is friends with the security guard who told her some guy was yelling at him because "the signs in the parking lot use negative language." I have been to the library numerous times and the signs just say "No Parking." What are they supposed to say? I can see the signs now, "We would be most appreciative if you wouldn't park here."

BB

 

He could mean grammatically negative, in which case the spots should say "driving."

Anyway ...

Dear Good People of the World,

If you're in a fantasy football league that began before Week 1 and you haven't paid yet and your team sucks and there's only two more regular-season weeks left, that doesn't mean you didn't just play out an entire season of fantasy football. You still have to fucking pay, especially if you work with most of the people in your league.

Sincerely,

Verse

 

Dear Basketball Dad,

Your letter complaining about the lack of coverage of your son's team will run in Sunday's edition.

The reason we didn't cover the first two games of the season was because ... well, it's still football season. Nobody gives a rat's shit about high school basketball in November. Your son's team beat two teams four classifications smaller - big whoop-de-fucking-do.

But go ahead and whine about how the lack of coverage of those games might hurt the kids chances to get a college scholarship.

Sincerely,
Inky

 

Dear local sports page, god and this board,

1. Your intended lack of coverage of my hypothetical child is hurting his/her chances of getting a scholarship. PS: Your former sports editor is an #sshole.

B. I know you are using fantasy sports to punish me because of our disagreement over your existence.

iii. This place used to be a lot better.



Wait, I thought this was the thread for open letters to awful people in my mind ...

 

Dear people crushing each other at Black Late Thursday/Early Friday:

There were still plenty of the $89 TVs, $99 Garmins and $25 steam mops (Sharks?) at WallyWorld at 12:30 Friday afternoon. I snatched one of each up (for my sister, my mom and myself for the tile floors at the new house, respectively) without having to wait in ridiculously long lines. Now, yeah, there were some things they ran out of, but I wasn't really jonesing for "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" or oversized picture frames myself.

Yours,

Apeman.

 

Dear David Stern and Billy Hunter:

It's about fucking time.

Curtly,

Verse

 

Dear David Stern and Billy Hunter:

We'd have been OK had you waited the entire year.

It's not too late.

Thanks,
Matt

 

Dear Matt,

Let's not encourage them to be so hasty.

Double J

 

Peopl in charge of the adversiting on SportsJournalists.com:

Just because I looked at wine glasses from Bed Bath & Beyond in a different browser window today while I was logged in to SJ does not mean that I want to see the same wine glasses as advertisements while I am now (at a different time) hanging around SJ.

Honestly, that shit is creepy. Stop it.

Sincerely,

Lieslntx

 

Dear Liesl,
Get adblocker plus.

KY