A place for open letters to the good people of the world.

Dear wicked,

I've been where you are (many times). Sending lots of good vibes your way.

Hang in there,

Dyno

 

Folks,

Should I be upset that one of my roommates took it upon herself to give the extra room in our (well, she sees it as her) apartment without any input from me? I would like to think I have some say in the person that is going to live here.

BB

 

Bodie,

If your name isn't on the lease, you don't. I don't know if it is, but if it's her name, she has full control unless you agreed on deciding those things together before moving in.

IJAG

 

IJAG,

Guess I have to live with whoever she chooses then. I figured as much. She is a bitch anyway, she has too many rules and wouldn't let my mom stay here for one night when she was stuck here because of some flight issues.

BB

 

BB,

I was hoping this one would work out for you.

IJAG

 

IJAG,

I'm not going anywhere. I can't afford to move again.

BB

 

Dear creepy male friend of upstairs neighbors,

Why in the hosrefucking world do you think it's a good idea to come over and give their frequently unsupervised 5-year-old boy a working bow-and-arrow set, and then teach him how to use it?

I'm going to have my fucking head on a swivel whenever I leave the house until, like all his other toys, it ends up broken and in pieces on the lawn. Thankfully that will only take a few days.

Love,
Rick

 

Dear gymnastics banquet for my son:

Between the surprisingly good dinner and the blooper reel, this is actually kind if fun. Well done.

Dixiehack

 

Dear Softball Parent:

While I appreciate your passionate defense of the 0-47 junior college softball team this year...

Podunkville played "tough" teams from Iowa. Most of the other jucos in the conference played tough teams from Texas.

The reason there were still 12 girls in that final doubleheader was because they're on scholarship. One of the girls told me they were ready for the season to be over 20-25 games in but they couldn't just walk because then their scholarships would be pulled. The players WERE frustrated. Your daughter's ERA was over 14 (The staff's ERA was around 12). You never heard her complain? Seriously?

"There would not have been any softball." Actually, it would have been less embarrassing for the college if about four more players had gotten hurt and they had to cancel the season. They'd be about 0-20 instead of an 0-47 team that was able to avoid the run rule only seven times.

And that assistant coach? She stood in foul ground between third and the outfield fence when the team was on defense. How do you lead someone other than the left fielder from clear out there?

So, yeah, be critical all you want, but I don't look at any team's season through rose-colored glasses and even if I did, I can't make an 0-47 team sound better than they are.

Oh, and in case I didn't mention it, they finished 0-47.

(Up) Yours in helping to kill your daughter's hopes of pitching at a four-year school,

Apeman

 

Dear unborn child of mine,

This is your final eviction notice. You have seven days to vacate your current location. If you do not vacate said location on your own, measures will be taken to forcefully evict you.

KG

 

Dear KG,

I remember that last week painfully well. Case moved out the day before his due date. Seemed like he was a month late.

Good luck and Godspeed to little KG.

CB

 

Dear apeman33,

Sounds like you actually had a pretty fascinating feature story on your hands and ignored it.

Sincerely,

Versatile